Posted in Being Human, guilt, Inspiration, shadow work

A Poem for a Time of Waiting

Will This Game Ever Come to an End?

Copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Sitting in the discomfort of unknowing.

Nervous, edgy, impatient.

Irritated and annoyed by the smallest of thing.

Unable to focus

Or to find anything to hold my interest.

Pacing the room

and the corridors in my mind.

Afraid to exhale –

Not knowing what may come

in allowing myself to breathe.

With nothing else to cling to or to occupy my restless heart,

thoughts become addled with

unfounded guilt and self-doubt.

In the midst of the unknowing

the demons come out to play.

Internal compass spinning

in the vain attempt to locate magnetic north.

Will the roulette wheel ever stop spinning?

Or are we doomed to an eternity of waiting –

always in anticipation of when

the next ax is going to fall.

Posted in Inspiration, Lessons, Spiritual Development


Do you hear it? Me neither.  It is the deafening silence that occurs after the old has imploded upon itself, after that which is no longer life-giving has passed away in the fire of transformation, after all that remained of our old lives has turned to dust, and after we have been emptied of anything and everything that has been tested and shown to no longer support the life we were born to live.  This is the silence that happens after the old life has passed away and before the new is ready to be born.

Shhhhhhh. Remain still.  Refrain from trying to make things happen.  Cease from doing and tasking.  Resist the temptation to return to the old and familiar activities simply for the sake of creating movement.  The movement that once served is the movement now that will destroy.

Shhhhh. Be still.  Enter into the silence.  Be with the stillness.  Dive deeply into the discomfort of the unknown. Make friends with impatience, restlessness, longing, and boredom.  Surrender to the pain of death and the excruciating darkness of the unknown.

Shhhhh. Be still.  Be still.  Be still.  And listen.  It is in the silence you will hear the whispering of the new life as it is preparing to be born.



Posted in creativity, Death, End of the World Prophecies, Surrender, world changes

Surrendering to the Void

Today’s blog offers a glimpse and some support as we face this current period of Universal change.  Big changes are coming….but for now…..we must surrender to the VOID!


Entering the Void

In case you haven’t yet noticed, we are in the void.  A time many of my peers are referring to as the “wormhole.”  I like to think of it as the birth canal.  We have planted our seeds.  We have sown our dreams.  We have networked, promoted, advertised, shared all we are and all we hope to be.  We have dreamed the dreams of a world we want to live in and the people we want to be in that world.  Since the beginning of 2015, and most especially the early days of March, we have been busy, freneticly overcome with creative and creating energy.  Then suddenly, everything came to a halt.  Now, there is nothing we can do but WAIT!  Like a seed waiting in the dark soil for the perfect amount of water, sunlight and warmth (and the turning of the year) to coax us out of our shell, we wait.

Nothing and Everything Happens in the Void

The void is a strange time of nothing.  Waiting.  Being.  Resting.  Recuperating.  Recovering.  Restoring.  But while the void often feels like nothing, there is in fact, much going on.  Resting.  Recuperating.  Recovering.  Restoring.  Like the purgatory of Christian-olde (in case you missed the bulletin, the Vatican recently erased purgatory from the books), the void is a time where our past is revisited and every lasting bit of remaining debris is removed.  Anything that is not supportive of the new life that is waiting to be born after the end of the void, is being wiped away.  And yes indeed, we are feeling it!  GRIEF.  ANGER.  RESENTMENT.  Old wounds, old betrayals, past losses and disappointments, are all coming around for one final look.  The void is also a time of healing.

Surrender to the Void

Our task, as we wait here in the void is to SURRENDER.  Don’t try to start any new projects or make any major decisions.  The universe will not support them anyway and if you try, you will only be smashing your head against the brick wall of a world not yet ready for your gifts.  In this state of immobility, be attentive to the anxiety, impatience, and restlessness that will arise because you have nothing “to do.”  If you are bored, read a book, watch a playful movie, return to the mundane – clean the house, do the mending, sweep your basement, rake the yard.  In doing these things, you are clearing the way for the new life that will begin to blossom somewhere around Easter. And if healing opportunities show up, be present to them.  When old pain shows up, be with it and let it move through.  As we show up to our pain, show up to the feelings around that pain – fear, sorrow, rage, etc., – we are allowing that pain to be healed.  Ultimately, our job while hanging out in the void is to take care of ourselves – to love ourselves – to tend to the most vulnerable and fragile parts of our Soul and in doing so, we are creating a solid foundation upon which the new life is coming can take root, mature and bear much fruit.

Hang on…..the new life you have been promised and that you have been waiting for is almost here!




Posted in End of the World Prophecies, Faith, Freedom, Lessons, Spiritual Practices, Superheroes, world changes

Surrendering to the Void – Superhero Report

Superhero Report – Week of March 15, 2015

Entering into the Void

During this week’s gatherings of the Superhero Academy, we explored the fruitful time we are now entering into….the time of the VOID.  Void time arrives after all the work has been done and the seeds planted and all we can do is WAIT.  The void is a time of both reward for work well done and preparation for the new life that is waiting to BURST FORTH…..interestingly….sometime around Easter this year (April 4-5).  While the Superhero Report is usually only available by subscription (SUBSCRIBE HERE subscribe botton

and also receive the weekly Authentic Freedom Virtual Church video service and meditation newsletter), I thought this so critical to where we are moving as a species, that I chose to make it available to all!  In celebration of the VOID time….I share with you two poems about entering into the VOID.  Enjoy!


Sitting in the Void

Copyright 2015 Lauri Ann Lumby 

Sitting in the void.

Quiet and Still.

Waiting for what has been to take root within…

Or quietly pass away.


Breathing.  Sighing.  Resting.

A seed in the soil

Where there is nothing else to do but

Wait…and allow.

Listening in the silence

For a trickle of rain,

The rush of the wind,

The warmth of the sun penetrating the earth.

Here in the darkness, there is nothing to see –

Only a wall of dirt  –  as in a grave.


In a grave that is not a grave,

Something unimaginable –

Wholely and completely new and unknown

Is waiting to be born.


As all at once a seed becomes a tree – so shall it be for me.



 Time Standing Still

Copyright 2015  Lauri Ann Lumby 


What does one write when there are no poems to be written,

No words to be said,

No songs to be sung?

When all one can do is wait…

and watch

and wonder?

In this place where time is void.

When all that can be done has been done

And there’s nothing left to plan…

or strategize,

or figure out.

After the Universe exhales

And before She takes her next breath

Pressing pause –

Holding our breath

Almost afraid to breathe –

Not wanting to interrupt Universe’s creation

Knowing if a butterfly is removed too soon from its shell it will die –

Not desiring a similar fate for ourselves.

Joining with time where time is void and simply standing still.




Posted in Initiation, Inspiration, Surrender

Letting Go

For many, the past year has been a continual journey of release – of letting go that which no longer serves and letting go of what we thought served, but the Universe had something else in mind.  I first discovered the work of today’s blog contributor through my friend, poet and author, Jay Ramsay.  This poem spoke to my heart and I knew it would speak to the hearts of others.  So thank you to Macrina Wiederkehr, OSB for sharing her work with us.  Today’s poem, The Sacrament of Letting Go, comes from her book Seasons of Your Heart (Harper Collins).


Macrina Wiederkehr, OSB

The Sacrament of Letting Go


She celebrated the sacrament of

Letting Go…

First she surrendered her Green

Then the Orange, yellow, and Red…

Finally she let go of her Brown…

Shedding her last leaf

She stood empty and silent, stripped bare

Leaning against the sky she began her vigil of trust…

Shedding her last leaf

She watched its journey to the ground…

She stood in silence,

Wearing the color of emptiness

Her branches wondering:

How do you give shade, with so much gone?

And then, the sacrament of waiting began

The sunrise and sunset watched with

Tenderness, clothing her with silhouettes

They kept her hope alive.

They helped her understand that

her vulnerability

her dependence and need

her emptiness

her readiness to receive

were giving her a new kind of beauty.

Every morning and every evening she stood in silence and celebrated

the sacrament of waiting.

Macrina Wiederkehr, OSB is a Benedictine Sister from St. Scholastica Monastery in Fort Smith, Arkansas.  She is well-known for her creative writing and retreat ministry.  Monastic spirituality has had a great influence in her writing and retreat ministry.

She has authored eight books: Seasons of Your Heart, A Tree Full of Angels,  The Song of the Seed, published by HarperCollins;  Seven Sacred Pauses: living mindfully through the hours, Gold in Your Memories,  Behold Your Life and The Circle of Life (co-authored with Joyce Rupp) published by Ave Maria Press.  Abide:  keeping vigil with the Word of God is her latest work, published by Liturgical Press.

Visit her blog:

Posted in Lessons, Surrender

Entering the Darkness of the Unknown

Today’s blog is about the times in our lives where the old is or has passed away and the new has not yet been revealed.  It is the time to enter into the darkness of the unknown and to invite classical mythology to inform us of how to be present to the waiting.

Turn Turn Turn

There comes a time in everyone’s life when what we thought we knew about ourselves, our purpose, our destiny, who we thought we knew ourselves to be…..suddenly either comes to an end, or proves to no longer be true.  Maybe we have forsaken single life for marriage, quit our jobs to have children, sent our children out into the world, retired from our jobs, lost the employment that has been our source of meaning and perceived security.  Whatever the circumstance, what we have known comes to an end and we are left there to wonder…..NOW WHAT?  This is the season in our lives when the harvest is complete and the earth lies fallow.  In mythology, this season is represented by Persephone’s journey into the Underworld her mother, Demeter’s, raging and mournful response as she refuese to plant anything new.  Wisdom tells us that this is a time of waiting, being quiet, contemplating.

Raging and Mourning

Like Demeter, we have no choice but to wait through the fallow season for Persephone’s return.  There is a season to plant….and this is not it.  We cannot force nature (or our life’s journey) to do something out of season.  So we wait and show up to what does present itself for tending.  As Demeter’s story reveals, it may also be a time of grieving – a time to mourn the passing of the old and to rage over the disappointment and frustration over the loss, to wag our finger of blame at Hades for stealing our light (Persephone) away, and to scream in impatient expectation for the arrival of something meaningful, fulfilling and prosperous.  While mythology usually stops at Demeter’s perspective on the tale, I believe there is something that Persephone has to teach us about this fallow time as well.

Persephone’s playtime

In the traditional tale, Persephone spends nine months in the world journeying with and assisting her mother in planting, tending and harvesting the bounty of nature.  The other three months, she spends in Hades, “cursed” because she ate three pomegranite seeds in her first journey there which condemns her to this time in the Underworld.  What we often forget about the Persephone story, however, is how she spends her time in the Underworld.  Persephone’s time in the Underworld is not a punishment, instead, it is a reward for her hard work, a time to rest and enjoy the fruits of her labors.  It is a time to feast, to make merry and to enjoy great sex with Hades.  😉  While Demeter is wallowing in self-pity, mourning and raging over this time of separation from her daughter, Persephone is partying away in the Underworld.  I think there is a lesson in this for us.  While it is important to grieve the things we have lost and to mourn the falling away of what we have known, it is equally important to give ourselves permission to rest from our labors, to celebrate the work we have done and to enjoy the feasting and merriment that could be part of this fallow time….if we choose it.

Where in your life have you experienced fallow times, the ending of an era and a time of waiting for the new?

How have you responded to these times of transition?

How did you grieve?  How did you allow yourself to enjoy the time of rest?

Lauri Lumby

Posted in Being Human, Inspiration, Lessons, Surrender

Holding the Tension

Sometimes in life’s journey, we cannot repair, fix, change the tension in our lives.  Sometimes we just need to sit and be with it.

A Season of Change

The past several months has been a whirlwind of experiences and emotions.  Unraveling from the end of a relationship.  Watching doors close in my professional life.  Hoping, dreaming, wishing and trying like heck to trust that the closing of both doors (professional and relational) meant that God was getting ready to open another….or several more doors.  As I have been moving past the closed doors, new ones seemed to have been opening a crack.  With the glimpse of this light, I felt elation, inspiration, hope and I was buoyed forward.  It has felt somewhat like a rollercoaster of despair and hope, death and resurrection, fear and belief.  As I have glimpsed the light through the door, many seeds have been planted……about a million pound bag worth of seeds in fact.  Planting, planting, planting.  Two new books (not to mention the promotion of the two already published).  Authentic Freedom Teacher TrainingTaking my show on the road.  A weekly meditation newsletter, scheduling and promoting fall classes.  Whew.  The planting, for the most part, is finished.  There is a little watering left to do….but for the most part… all I can do is WAIT for the seeds to sprout and grow.  And if you know anything about me……WAIT is perhaps my least favorite word.  I can often be a little like Veruca Salt, “But daddy, I want it and I want it now!!!!!”

When Veruca Meets Waiting

So, last week, my inner Veruca lost it.  After taking a look at my appointment calendar (or should I say, “lack thereof”?) and my bank balance and Veruca FREAKED OUT!  Instead of doing what I teach others to do….pray, trust, be patient (yeah, right!)…..actually, what I should say is that after I did all of the above (prayed, trusted, practiced patience) and found that they didn’t help a bit….then I freaked out.  I started pacing the house.  I spent way too much time on the internet….mostly wasting time on Facebook.  I paced some more.  I lost my patience with my kids.  I had no focus.  No direction.  No grounding.  Then I applied for a job at the local health food store.  Unfortunately (or should I say fortunately), their needs did not meet the hours that I could somehow squeeze in between writing, teaching, counseling, parenting, etc.  So I went home and threw my hands up in frustration…..Ok God, now what?!

Calling in the Cavalry!

The hardest thing in the world for me to do is to ask for help.  I am the typical over-responsible firstborn who somehow believes that work = value and that if you work harder, you will magically get what you want.  I am also fiercely independent having learned that if you want something done, you’d better do it yourself.  And….there must be something wrong with you if you can’t do it yourself and need help.  Fortunately, life has kicked me enough that I have learned the value of being humble and asking for help when you need it.  When Veruca decided to have her temper tantrum, I knew I needed to call in reinforcements.  So…..I penned a note to my self-appointed Board of Directors and this was their wise and loving response:

Hold the Tension!

Damn it!  Hold the Tension?  On every level, I knew the truth in this wisdom.  I have done the work.  I prayed for direction.  I followed the strings and strands.  I planted, tended and watered the seeds.  Now, all I can do is WAIT!  And as my inner Veruca is sitting on the floor kicking and screaming, I know that I need to simply SIT with this tension.  Sit.  Be.  Breathe.  And Breathe some more.  And this action of “holding the tension” feels so foreign….so counter-intuitive.  My instinctual response to this tension is to make it go away….fix it…..eradicate it…..expunge it…..purge it….be free of it.  Instead, I am being invited to ACCEPT it……BE WITH it…..maybe even LOVE it.  YIKES.  So once again…..I find myself “the teacher” as “the student.”  And I am grateful for my spiritual brothers and sisters who are not afraid to hit me on the nose with a newspaper when I’m tearing apart the couch that is simply sitting there but must somehow be the source of my anxiousness.  Thank you sirs, may I have another?

Where in your own life are you feeling a little like Veruca Salt?  “I want it and I want it now!”

Where are you being invited to “Hold the Tension?”

Who is your Cavalry?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

Posted in Inspiration, Lessons

The Story of the Sunflower Seed

Today’s blog explores the need for time to be in the darkness before new life can sprout and grow.

Peeking Out

I received an email today from a young woman who found this blog through a spiritual community website of which I am an active participant.  She shared with me the spiritual experiences she is having at this time and interestingly, they directly reflect the experiences I have been having.  (I love how we find community when we most need it!)  As I read her narrative, I was reminded of an image that has shown up for me as I have allowed myself this time of retreat….stepping away from my day-to-day obligations of writing, work, family, home, tasks, chores, etc. etc. etc. to DO NOTHING and SIMPLY BE.  Here is what the image looked like:

The Story of the Sunflower Seed

Once upon a time, there was a ripening seed head of a great and majestic sunflower.  Somewhere in the middle of that crowded seedhead, one seed slowly pushed its way past its brothers and sisters.   It was simply getting too crowded with all those plumping seeds being squeezed together.  Before readying herself for THE BIG LEAP, the seed took a deep breath, gathering all her courage around her, and in one final push, shoved her way out from the crowded seedhead and catapulted into the empty air.  Screaming at once with terror and exhilaration, she fell through the light-filled void to the growd below.  PLOP.  She hit the ground with a thud.  And then she realized……”Now what?  Now that I’m free from the seedhead, now what?  Who am I if not a member of the seedhead?  Who am I if I’m not being crowded between my brothers and sisters?  Who am I out here on my own?”  Then a bright red cardinal flew down to the ground beside her and answered her question, “Well, you are a Sunflower of course!” She was startled by his answer as she had only known herself to be a seed among a million other seeds.  The cardinal then scooped her up into his beak, flew to another spot in the field, scraped a little hole in the dirt and plopped her into the ground.  He then covered her with dirt and said, “Now wait right here.  Before you know it, you will no longer be a seed.  You will become the Sunflower that God made you to be.”  And then he flew away.  The seed grew quiet.  And as the cardinal had instructed, she waited.  She waited as she felt the cool dirt around her and the warmth of the sun as it passed over her from dawn til dusk.  She waited as the drank the water that periodically filled the dirt around her.  She waited.  She rested.  She slept.  Then one day, just as suddenly as the crowded feeling that had propelled her from the seedhead of the majestic sunflower, she felt her body begin to quiver and shake, pulse and vibrate.  She felt as if she was being torn in two…..for that is exactly what was happening.  In a fraction of a moment, the seed that she had always known herself to be suddenly fell away and she saw that she was now a bright green stalk, with tiny roots that began to reach deep into the soil, with arms of green that began to reach through the dirt and up toward the sun above.  She was no longer the seed, but the beginnings of that which would soon become the majestic sunflower, just as the cardinal said she would be.

Moral of the Story

The moral of the story of the sunflower seed is simple.  We need to remember that often, the greatest growth, the greatest movement, the deepest transformation happens when we are DOING NOTHING!  Like the seed that becomes the sunflower as it is asleep in the dirt, we too need time to rest in the darkness while our DNA, God, the Universe, does whatever it needs to do in the darkness of mystery to create our transformation.  We need do nothing but simply rest as God does the rest.  And like the seed, one day we will suddenly realize that we are no longer who we thought ourselves to be, instead, we are who God made us to be.

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

Posted in Discernment, Initiation, Inspiration, Surrender

Ok, Now What?

Today’s blog explores the emptiness that often follows Easter and the times of emptiness we all feel in our own lives.

Past Lives

In the old days, when I still worked for the Catholic Church, Easter was IT!  All of the ministries that I was involved in (RCIA, Liturgical Coordinator, Adult Education Coordinator, etc. etc. etc. ) culminated in the Easter celebration and the Easter sacraments (Adult baptism and confirmation).  After being up all night with the Easter Vigil, then celebrating Easter mass on Sunday morning, when all the cleanup was done, I was left with a feeling of, “Ok, now what?”  The pinnacle had been reached.  The greatest celebration of the year was complete. And for the remainder of the school year ( I worked in a campus ministry parish), there was nothing to do except facilitate the mystagogia sessions of the RCIA, which ironically helped new members of the Church with the question, “Ok, now what?”

Disciples too

I think this is how it must have been for Jesus’ closest followers too.  They just completed an intense week of celebration (Palm Sunday), crisis, confusion, they watched their friend and teacher go on trial for a crime he did not commit, found guilty and sentenced to die.  Then, they (ok….really only the women and possibly John) watched him die.  Then, he is raised from the dead!!!?????   a) What the heck!?  and b) NOW WHAT?  How does one make any sense of any of it?  I can only imagine that the time immediately following the resurrection must have been a time of confusion, of waiting and wondering, a time of mystery and asking the question, “Did any of this actually happen or have we just lost our collective minds?”  We also know from scripture that if no one else, at least the Galilean disciples (“the twelve”) were scared to death and probably wondered if they should just go back to the lives they were leading before Jesus showed up and messed it all up.  They had to have been asking the question, “Ok, now what!?”


In the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults), the time immediately following the reception of the Easter sacraments (adult baptism and confirmation), is called the period of Mystagogia (a Greek word that means mystery).  It is a time in the journey of the newly  initiated members of the Catholic Church to explore the question, “Ok, now what?”  Now that they have become fully initiated members of a faith community, how are they supposed to live that out and what impact will this have on their everyday lives?  It is a time of prayer, discernment and waiting – waiting for God’s guidance as to how they are being called to live out their newly claimed faith.

Mystagogia for Everyone

During the nine years that I facilitated the RCIA process, I often thought that every one of us could use a little RCIA in our lives.  In particular, the period of mystagogia seemed like a universal experience.  There are times in each and everyone of our lives where we are faced with the question, “Ok, now what!?”  Times after something really big has just taken place…..times of profound transformation and change…..times of endings and times of new beginnings.  There are many times in our lives when we find ourselves with empty hands, empty minds, blank calendars, devoid of plans or itineraries and we are faced with that gnawing question, “NOW WHAT!?”  For me, that time is RIGHT NOW.  Having just turned over to my editor 47,000 words of a nearly completed manuscript and facing some significant professional challenges and quandaries, while staring at a nearly vacant appointment calendar, I am forced to ask the question, “NOW WHAT?” and I find it ironic that it should occur in direct  correlation with my former, professional bio-rhythms.  Apparently I am still living the Catholic liturgical calendar!  🙂  And all I can do is take guidance in the wisdom of the RCIA and the former rhythms I not only lived but taught and know that all I can do during this period of mystagogia is to LIVE IN THE MYSTERY and trust that in the silence and in the waiting, God will have an answer.

When have you been faced with the question, “Ok, Now What?”

What has marked that time of mystery in your own life?

How have you moved through that process and where did you find guidance and answers?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

Posted in Surrender

The Spiritual Waiting Room

One of the stops along the path of spiritual growth and enlightenment is what I have come to call “The Spiritual Waiting Room.”  Today’s blog explores this place of seeming non-activity.

Jesus leads me down a long hallway

As I sat down this morning to begin my daily spiritual practice, I found that the Divine had chosen to speak to me today through my creative imagination. (You will learn this technique in my upcoming book, Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy, coming out this April!)  In my meditation, Jesus appeared before me and took my hand.  He then led me down a long, white, institutional looking hallway.  The hallway seemed to have doors along one wall, but I could not quite make out the details of the doors, I only had a sense of their presence.  Then Jesus led me to what seemed like a step at the end of the hallway.  This seemed to be the stoop to the final doorway, because it seemed that there was a blank wall immediately in front of me beyond the step.  Then Jesus invited me to sit in the corner where the step met the blank wall.  Then he said, “Wait here,” and he left.

The Spiritual Waiting Room

So, here I sit and here I wait.  What am I waiting for?  At this point in my journey, I have NO IDEA!  But here I sit.  And, this is exactly how the past several weeks have felt – like I’m sitting in the Spiritual Waiting room waiting. I have a sense of expectancy within me – but I don’t know what I am expecting.  I also have a really strange sensation of not being compelled to do anything. And not feeling compelled to do anything is a really strange and foreign sensation for someone like me who is a compulsive doer. But, it seems that in this morning’s meditation, I am being invited to wait and being told that it is ok.  I do not need to do anything.  I cannot make anything happen.  I do not have the power within me to create movement.  All I can do is sit and wait.

There are No Magazines in the Spiritual Waiting Room

Sitting in the Spiritual Waiting room may seem like a strange stop along the journey of spiritual growth, but I think it is a necessary stop and one that everyone meets at some point (perhaps many points) on the path to enlightenment.  Put simply, there are just times when we have done everything that is within our power to do, we have beaten under every bush, we have planted every seed.  Now, all we can do is wait until the universal alignment takes place that will open the doors to what it is we are waiting for.   And you know what, the Spiritual Waiting Room is empty!  There is nothing there to occupy your time –  No books.  No Magazines.  No sample “illustrated stories of the Bible” book.  No Ranger Rick or  Highlights magazines.  All we can do is sit there and wait.   So the invitation when we find ourselves in the Spiritual Waiting Room?  TRUST and SURRENDER.

Where have you found yourself in the Spiritual Waiting Room?

How have you been invited to simply be?

Where are you being invited to WAIT  TRUST  SURRENDER?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries