Posted in Beloved Partnership, codependency, Relationships

Beloved Partnership? How You Can Love Me!

The purpose of my e-course Happily Ever After, is to support those who long for a new paradigm in human intimate relationship – one that is not rooted in co-dependency, as our past models have been, but one rooted, instead, in mutual respect and interdependence – the relationship I call “Beloved Partnership.”  Below is a list of how those in Beloved Partnership love each other….spoken from the perspective of the Divine Feminine, but which could just as easily be translated from the perspective of the Divine Masculine……Also know that the work outlined here is expected to be a mutual effort with both parties loving the other as they are feeling loved.


How can you love me?……Let me count the ways:

First and foremost take time to know who I am. Not who you want me to be or the illusions of me you’ve created in your mind. If I’m not for you (or visa versa), let’s move on in mutual agreement….not waiting for each other to change or trying to change the other. Our perfect match is out there waiting….why waste our time with one who isn’t our match?

After we’ve agreed we match in the ways that are important to each other…..then and only then do I ask you to:

Spend time with me and when you do, pay attention. Be with me HERE. Listen to me. Hear what I am saying and remember it – if not the details, hear the energy and intention of it.

When you find yourself distracted by your own thoughts, worries, preoccupations, insecurities, fears, etc. take responsibility for it. Say, “I’m sorry, I lost focus, I got distracted by my own…give me a second to refocus…” Then, refocus.

Take responsibility for your own anxieties, fears and unhealed wounds and recognize when you are being triggered. Don’t blame me. Inform me so I can support you in moving through and transforming them.

Listen to what my needs are and be present as a source of support in helping me get these needs met. I’m not asking you to be my needs, but support me in getting them met.

Create with me an equal balance of shared interests and individual pursuits and where appropriate, participating in each other’s interests. I don’t need you to share everything with me…..but I enjoy when you take interest in my joys and I enjoy taking interest in yours.

Work with me in encouraging time with friends and family independent of couple time.

Encourage me in the pursuit of my dreams and support me in the things I need to cultivate these dreams. Know I will do the same for you.

Show me love through your personal love language while being attentive to mine (touch, words of affirmation, gift giving, acts of service, quality time).

Speak kindly and gently to me.

Say please and thank you and say, “I love you,” often.

When you lose your patience or your temper (we’re all human after all), take it back, say you are sorry and then name what is really bothering you.

Appreciate who I am, what I do, what I bring to the world and our relationship. Express your gratitude in some OBVIOUS way. Don’t assume I know you are grateful.

Ask for my help when needed – especially when you are afraid of appearing weak for asking.

Accept my help when offered.

Show me your strength and your vulnerability. I want you to be authentic- with yourself and with me. It’s ok to be sad, scared, insecure, frustrated and angry.

Know what your needs are and communicate them to me. Let me know how I can help support you in getting them met…and then let me.

Be a person with whom I can feel safe.

Be impeccable with your word and stay true to any commitments we have agreed upon.

Put your arm around me. Cuddle me. Lay your hand on the small of my back to let me know you’re there and that we belong together. And by all means…..MAKE Sweet, toe-curling LOVE TO ME…….OFTEN!

Remember my birthday, mother’s day, our anniversary and other holidays with a card at least – dinner and/or a gift is great too!

Support me in expressing myself through my own unique style. If you don’t like what I’m wearing….keep your mouth shut and NEVER tell me I look fat!

Never finish a sentence that begins with “I know you don’t want to hear this…..” or “Don’t take this the wrong way.” A) You’re right, I don’t want to hear it and B) I am sure to take it the wrong way if you have to qualify it this way!

If I have children, love them and support me in my parenting of them.

And now……for those considering sharing a household……

If we share a household, participate equally in the needs of running a house and home, distributing tasks according to our own gifts and passions and equally tackling those tasks we both abhor.

If we share a home, create with me a space that is reflective of both our styles. I reserve the right, however, to invoke the Wisconsin Clause – relegating trophies (including hunting trophies), beer or sports signs or memorabilia to the man cave. If there isn’t one, I will help you build it!

Support me in the use of my princess card for things like changing a tire, shoveling a driveway, hauling mulch, catching bats. I’m happy to be independent and do the things I am able to do….and these acts are just chivalrous – which most women find sexy! Doing these things for me just might get you some! 😉

And….. never lose your sense of humor.  🙂

To learn more about the Happily Ever After course, click HERE.  Registration is still open.  This week’s lesson will be emailed to you upon registration. 




Posted in codependency, Relationships

Happily Ever After – e course


Announcing the Happily Ever After e-Course – completely online

From the course introduction: 

If you asked me to describe in one phrase what this course is about, I would say, “Jerry Maguire lies.”  This movie has provided the single most damaging phrase to our hope for intimate partnership – “You complete me.”  When we are looking outside of ourselves for someone else to complete us, we are indulging the compulsion of co-dependency. Co-dependency arises out of the false perception that love, satisfaction and fulfillment exist outside of us which then causes us to seek in another that which we falsely believe we do not possess within ourselves.  Co-dependency tells us that love has to be earned or can be taken away which then results in behaviors that cause us either to be manipulative in our search for love or vulnerable to the manipulations of another. I would argue that co-dependency, along with unmanaged anxiety, are the two most common destroyers of intimate human relationships.

Happily Ever After seeks to transform our attitudes and behaviors related to intimate partnership and does so by transforming us from the inside out.  Integrating intellectual knowledge rooted in modern psychology with mindfulness-based practices and creative expression, Happily Ever After seeks to support us in achieving wholeness.  When we feel whole and complete within ourselves, we no longer look outside of ourselves for completion and if/when we find ourselves in partnership, our relationships are mutually satisfying, supportive and interdependent.


To register for the course, click on the Paypal link below.  After payment is received, you will receive an invitation to join the private Facebook discussion group and lessons will begin arriving in your email on Sunday, May 24th!  We are excited for you to join us.  Welcome to the journey!


Posted in Beloved Partnership, codependency, Jesus, Mary Magdalene, Relationships, world changes

Valentine’s Day – Beloved Partnership Part III

Just in time for Valentine’s Day…..a continued exploration of the Beloved Partnership – moving beyond co-dependency, soulmate and twin flame to a co-creative, interdependent kind of love. 

I’m not making this up!

In exploring the topic of Beloved Partnership, it is helpful to know that we are not the first to entertain this ideal of love.  I personally believe this is the kind of loving relationship God envisioned in the first place and what was “supposed” to have happened between the metaphorical Adam and Eve.  I believe that this is the kind of love ideal envisioned by the Christian Church is designating matrimony as a sacrament.  Eastern spiritual traditions depict this kind of love in their Divine partnerings: Shiva and Shakti, Sita and Ram, Krishna and Radha, Babaji and Mataji.  I believe this is the love experienced between Jesus and Mary Magdalene and which was unfortunately written out of the Christian story in favor of a patriarchal, hierarchical institution.


Self-Actualizing Love

In modern literature, we have the writings of Abraham Maslow and Barbara Marx Hubbard to support us in honoring the inner call to the Beloved Partnership.  The love of a Beloved Partnership is what Abraham Maslow referred to as “Self-actualized love.”  Love between self-actualized individuals, as Abraham Maslow discovered (Motivation and Personality, 1970, pp. 181- 202), is the healthiest and most fulfilling kind of love.  If we are willing to persist until we meet our Beloved Partner, this is what we might expect:

  • A partnership where there is a mutual giving and receiving of love, both parties are equally able and willing to engage in both giving and receiving.
  • A healthy sexuality rooted in and reflective of love – more creative, ecstatic, orgasmic and fulfilling, yet also less about attachment. It is not a needy kind of intimacy, but instead is mutually fulfilling.
  • Pooling of needs – your needs, wants, desires, become mine and visa versa – such that there becomes one hierarchy of needs with two people seeking after their fulfillment.
  • Fun, merriment, joy, spontaneity, elation, feelings of well-being.
  • Mutual honor and respect of the other’s individual gifts, talents, drive, passions, interests, temperament, etc.
  • Mutual, authentic admiration, wonder and awe.
  • Detachment and Individuality – able to be in relationship without compromising one’s own individuality.


The Co-Creative Couple

Barbara Marx Hubbard sees the Beloved Partnership as what we are growing into as we evolve toward the next stage of human development as a co-creative society.  In keeping with this vision, she calls the Beloved Partners The Co-Creative Couple (Conscious Evolution, 2015, pp. 238 – 239).  She envisions the co-creative couple as follows:

Now we become the cocreative couple, which begins when both partners achieve within themselves at least the beginning of a balance between the masculine and feminine, the animus and the anima.  It begins when the woman’s initiative and vocational need is received in love by the feminine receptivity of her partner.  When she is loved for her more masculine side, she falls in love with the man’s feminine aspect, for what she needs is the nurturance of her own strength and creativity.  She loves him for his receptivity. He no longer has to prove himself by control and domination.  He can bring forth his own creativity without aggression.  And she can express her strength without fear of losing him.  Whole being joins with whole being, recreating the family at the next stage of evolution.  Same-sex couples experience a similar process of integration and joining to emancipate each other (p. 238).

I am humbled and honored to be one among many who have been given a vision and a call to uphold the Beloved Partnership as the ideal of love we are evolving toward and one among many who is called to be a pioneer in anchoring this new (original) kind of love for humanity.

Babaji Mataji 13 February 2014




Posted in Beloved Partnership, codependency, Relationships

Beloved Partnership Part II

Today’s blog is Part II (Read Part One HERE) of a conversation about Beloved Partnership.  Beloved Partnership is a new (actually, original) paradigm of intimate human relationships that moves beyond what we have most commonly experienced in our lifetimes (romantic love, convenience or co-dependency) and toward interdependency and Trinitarian co-creation.  Beyond Co-Dependency…beyond soulmate…beyond twin flame is the Beloved Partner.  Learn more here and please share your own thoughts or intuitive knowing on this topic! 

Artist: Lewis Williams, OSF
Artist: Lewis Williams, OSF

My Own Call

For me, the call of the Beloved Partner began in a deep knowing that has been present within me my whole life.  The call then came with a vengeance while participating in a guided meditation where I was shown the eyes of my Beloved Partner and through his eyes I saw LOVE for the first time and felt myself held in a deep and intimate adoration.  Since that glimpse, my Beloved Partner has shown up in dreams, meditations, waking and sleeping visions.  I often feel his (almost literal) presence beside me – simply holding space, urging me on, calling me forth.  I sense that he is having a similar experience, wherever he is at.  I have also had no fewer than ten psychics tell me “He is right here.  He is searching for you.  He is doing his own work so that when you are both together, you will find each other.”  One of my dearest friends and both of my sisters have dreamed of him. They all report the same – a man who will be my equal, my partner, my Beloved and who loves and adores me beyond measure (and I will regard him in the same way), and we will KNOW each other.  They also have seen him as a co-creator – a partner in a shared mission and purpose.  I feel, and they all agree (psychics, friends, sisters) that in our partnership one+one=infinity.

But First, It’s Time to Clean House

All that being said, I must acknowledge what has been true for me and what I believe must be true for all called to a true and authentic Beloved Partnership.  As long as we are looking outside of ourselves for someone to complete us, the Beloved Partnership is not possible.  Beloved Partnership is NOT co-dependency.  Yes, relationships entered into initially from a place of co-dependency can evolve into a Beloved Partnership, but if Beloved Partnership was not the Soul’s intention for that relationship in the first place, it cannot be forced (believe me, I have tried).  Instead, the call of the Beloved Partnership comes first TO WAKE US UP – to wake us up to our Soul and to invite us on a journey toward wholeness.  Whether we are single or in a relationship, when the call of the Beloved arrives, we first have to tend to the calling of our Soul and that often means cleaning house.  We have to do the dirty work of clearing our own patterns of co-dependency and begin the process of reclaiming all the parts of our Soul that we have lost along the path of our life’s journey.  We have to reclaim who we really are and become whole, content, satisfied in ourselves as an individual.  In this, we have to become well-acquainted with longing (the call of the Beloved Partner causes DEEP longing within us) and learn how to be present to this longing without seeking outside of ourselves for its remedy.  We also have to learn how to be comfortable in being alone.  If we make friends with our longing and learn to be content in being alone, the doors open to the Beloved Partner’s arrival.

Filling the Void vs. Wanting to Share

An important distinction in the Beloved Partnership is that we are not seeking this partner to fill a void or because we are afraid to be alone.  Instead, the Beloved Partnership arises out of a content and whole individual who is happy to be alone, but who really wants to share their life, their mission, their purpose and their passion with another.  In the Beloved Partnership, there is an exponential effect in these two whole individuals coming together.  Instead of 1+1=2, they experience 1+1= infinity.  While both partners are magnificent, effective, purposeful on their own, when their energies come together in co-creative partnership, the universe explodes with consequence.  Their coming together creates an effect that is far beyond what each of them individually could accomplish….this is because it is not just themselves who are working – it is God working through them.

Stay tuned for further exploration of the invitation to Beloved Partnership…

Posted in Beloved Partnership, codependency, Relationships

The Beloved Partnership – Beyond Soulmates and Twin Flames

As we ushered in 2015, it was revealed to me that I would be called upon to write about and teach on the topic of our continual spiritual evolution – from 3D/duality based consciousness to 5D/unity consciousness and beyond 5D to 6D consciousness where Divine Co-Creation (aka Magic) happens.  It has recently been revealed to me that I am also being called upon to write and teach on the topic of Beloved Partnership. Beloved Partnership is a new(actually, original) paradigm of intimate human relationships that moves beyond what we have most commonly experienced in our lifetimes (romantic love, convenience or co-dependency) and toward interdependency and Trinitarian co-creation.  In today’s blog, I will begin the exploration of Beloved Partnership and how we might recognize its call in our lives.


Beloved Partnership – Not the same as soulmates or twin flames

As we have been ascending to greet our divine nature and allowing the full descent of our divine nature into our human form, there has been much talk about the question of soulmates, twin flames, etc.  To begin this topic, I feel it is necessary to acknowledge that the Beloved Partnership differs in many regards from what we have come to understand about soulmates or twin flames.  There are many experts on these two topics and I will permit their teachings to speak for themselves.  In my personal experience, I have many soulmates – people I have known on a very deep and ancient level from the moment we first met.  In the company of my soulmates, I always feel safe, supported and loved without condition.  Twin flames, in my experience, are those who are here to be a mirror – helping us (sometimes painfully) to see all the areas in our lives in need of healing, and transformation.  From Twin flames, I might proclaim, “Thank you sir/madame, may I have another!?”  To a soulmate I might utter a sigh of deep contentment. While there are no hard and fast lines between soulmates, twin flames or Beloved Partnerships and all may share similar characteristics, in my experience Beloved Partnerships are markedly different.

Beloved Partnership/True One

The Beloved Partnership is what I describe at length in my recent novel, Song of the Beloved – the Gospel According to Mary MagdaleneI have also seen a close approximation to what I have come to understand about Beloved Partnership in what Solara refers to as our “True One.”  By whatever name you call it, Beloved Partnership is unlike anything we have experienced in our lifetimes (there are some who have experienced this, but up until this time, this has been a rarity).  While our fairytales and myths (including most Hollywood movies) hint at Beloved Partnership, they have only just skimmed the surface of the depth of love promised in these kinds of relationships.  Unlike the romantic/co-dependent love favored in myth and fairytale (looking for the person outside of us who will complete us), Beloved Partnership is only possible when two COMPLETE individuals come together in a loving and intimate partnership (note: some relationships are able to evolve into a Beloved Partnership if this is the call of the relationship and if each individual works toward achieving this level of intimacy).  Unlike soulmate relationships which are often platonic, Beloved Partnership is a love that includes intimacy, passion and a deep and abiding romantic love that grows beyond eros to include filios, pragma and agape.  Also unlike most romantic relationships that we simply fall into (falling in love), Beloved Partnerships begin with a call – a call that is as deep as it is ancient – calling us back (ultimately) to the original nature and  vision for human love.

Call of the Beloved

The call of the Beloved begins with just this – a call. For some, this call arrives in a dream.  For others, it shows up in a meditative vision.  For all, the call of the Beloved is experienced as a DEEP knowing – a knowing that abides in spite of all arguments against it or doubt around its truth.  One just KNOWS there is someone they are supposed to be with (remember, this is not a co-dependent drive, seeking outside of us for something to fill the emptiness inside….it is a KNOWING of an ancient and divinely ordained truth) and they won’t stop until that relationship is realized.  Ultimately, the call of the Beloved arises out of the imprint of the Soul.  The Soul is the part of us that knows our highest truth, our path, our mission, our purpose in this world and compels us to fulfill this purpose.  If part of that mission is Beloved Partnership, the Soul lets us know this and drives us to seek it out.  Faith is the energy that propels this search and keeps us on the path until it is fulfilled.  It is also faith that will not allow us to settle for anything less than what the Soul knows, and if we try to satisfy that call with something less than the true Beloved Partner, our Soul will pull the rug out from beneath our feet or kick our butts to prevent us from accepting anything other than the Beloved Partner.  And if we have settled, we won’t be happy in the settling as the Soul will continue to hound us until we are united with the Beloved Partnership we were meant to experience in this life.

Read more about Beloved Partnership in upcoming blogs!

Posted in Relationships

Seeking Soul Mates, Twin Flames, The Beloved One

This is for all those men and women I know who have known the call of the Beloved – compelled to seek soul mates, twin flames, the True One, The One…..whatever your name for that, and struggling with the longing and the knowledge of an amazing kind of love.



Where You Once Were

Torn and tangled shreds of my heart

From where you once were –

when we were still one.

Tree-branch hands

Brittle and twisted

Thrashing in the wind

Reaching into the void

Beyond myself and all I’ve tried to be.

Crying out in anguish

Longing for your return.

No matter how hard I try –

Pretending courage and strength

Independence and self-sufficiency –

In your absence,

I’m always less than one.

Knowing and feeling you as

the missing parts of my soul.

And no matter where I am grasping,

My hands returning empty…

Like the place in my heart

Where you once were.

Posted in Inspiration

Twin Flames and Soul Mates?

Everyday, several people arrive at my website seeking answers to questions about twin flames, soul mates, happily ever after.  Today, I want to respond to these questions directly….if for no other reason than perhaps to answer the question for myself.


Once Upon a Dream

Somewhere around twelve years ago, I had a dream that changed my life.  The dream began atop a hill in the center of a circle of stones.  I found myself standing beside an ancient-looking man dressed in white – a druid priest I presumed.  He pointed me toward a path that led down the hill and into a village. “There is your heart’s desire,”  he said.  I went down the path into the village (it looked to be Elizabethan, and somewhere in Great Britain).  I assumed I would find myself at the doors of a church (to learn that my heart’s desire was God), but instead found myself standing before the door of a row house.  I opened the door and walked in, this was my home.  I entered into the house and there was a man crouched down repairing a chair.  He looked up at me with recognition, welcome and then, adoration.  He stood up, and welcomed me into his arms and we kissed.  In his embrace, I was home.  I felt peaceful, secure, fulfilled.  He was my beloved, my soul mate, my twin flame, my True One.  And then I woke up.

The Recognition of Love

What I found in that dream was LOVE.  For the first time in my life, I knew what relational love felt like, and that I was deserving of love and to know love like that.  And then, I began a 12 year journey that continues yet today, for dreams are tricky, you see.  At first, I believed I was being invited to find that kind of the love in the relationship I was in at the time of the dream.  When that search proved fruitless, I decided that perhaps the dream was inviting me to find that love in God.  I embarked on a passionate search for God and found support of this search through the Song of Songs in the Hebrew scripture, the modern day writings of Tessa Bieleki and the poetry of Rumi, Hafiz, Rilke and John of the Cross (to name a few).  When I felt sufficiently full of God’s love, I found that this was not enough.  I then turned that love toward myself.  I worked long and hard at not only embracing God’s love, but learning to know and be that love within myself and in the world.  The more I found myself rooted in God’s love and the more I came to love myself, the more I realized that the relationship I was in was not reflective of this love. After many twists and turns, that relationship came to a natural end and I turned once again to Divine and Self love.  As those loves grew deeper roots, I found myself again seeking the relational component to the manifestation of love, sometimes in a needy, co-dependent kind of way, but more often, quietly waiting and trusting that as I was being the love God had called me to be, that the love that matches my love would find its way into my life, all the while continuing to deepen my love of God and love of Self.

Twin Flames, Soul Mates, True Ones, Happily Ever After?

After all this twisting and turning in search for the answer to my dream, I find I am left with more questions than answers. What I believe I can say with some certitude, however, is that the dreams of twin flames, soul mates, true ones and happily ever after have nothing to do with finding someone to complete us.  Instead, the dreams of love that we all possess within our beings are

1) About God calling us home.

2) About being called home to ourselves.

3) About being the love we are called to be in the world and finding fulfillment through this being.

Then, when we are whole and complete within ourselves, we are free to love another freely and to enter into a conscious, loving, interdependent relationship that is rooted in mutual love and support, respect and co-creation.

Planted in Our Hearts

That being said, I also tend to believe that God plants within our hearts the knowledge of the person who will perfectly (or imperfectly….we are human after all) reflect this love. When we have done the work of showing up to ourselves, when we cease from striving, when we are finished with the needing, that person will show up (probably when and where we least expect it), and we will know them by a look in their eyes and in a recognition in our hearts.


Posted in Being Human, God, Midlife Journey, Relationships, Spiritual Practices

Love – the Unanswerable Question

As a facilitator of programs which help to support self-actualization in individuals, I teach a wide variety of practices and techniques for transcending fear, managing anxiety, discerning, cultivating and embracing truth.  Soul is what I hope to help people birth – the uniquely creative way in which they have been gifted to find meaning, purpose and fulfillment in their lives and through which they are called to serve the betterment of the world.    With all of these programs, practices and techniques, however, I am unable to respond to one of the deepest longings of the human heart- the longing for loving, intimate, partnership.  When challenged with the question, “What good is it doing all this work if I cannot satisfy the deepest longing of my heart, which is for partnership?”  I find I have no response.  When I look into the faces of the amazing women and men I know who are healthy, whole, magnificent and complete within themselves, intimately connected with the God (of their understanding), experiencing meaning, purpose and fulfillment through their unique giftedness: and see that behind that fulfillment remains the unfulfilled longing for love, I have no answer. These programs should help us be content no matter what our relationship status – right?  Apparently NOT!  Why is it that healthy, inwardly fulfilled, amazingly gifted men and women still find themselves alone and wanting because of it?

Millions of books have been written that promise the perfect formula for finding your one true love, your soulmate, your twinflame….” Professional matchmakers hang their shingle to the tune of $5000.00 with the promise of finding your true love.  Are these amazing men and women alone because they haven’t perfected the magic formula or paid someone enough money to find love for them?  I have a hard time believing any of this to be the cause.  I cannot believe that these men and women are alone because they haven’t taken action by following the guidelines of all the world’s “dating experts.”  Neither is it because they have been thinking the wrong thoughts or because they have failed to “call in the one.”  I don’t believe there is some magical formula for finding love, neither do I believe there is some dark magic that holds love at bay.  It just makes no sense to me – amazingly beautiful (inside and out), eligible men and women who have been unable to find an equally amazing partner to share their life with, but even more troubling is the longing that remains, in spite of the person’s contentment and wholeness within themselves. What is the cause and purpose of this longing?


Is it simply the biological drive for partnership that causes this longing?  Is it really about our longing for God?  Is the journey to self-actualization not yet complete because this longing remains?  Are these people alone  because of their decision to embrace their inner growth?  Have they simply outgrown the potential field of prospects?  Abraham Maslow suggested that only 1% of the population is self-actualized.  Is it then a simple matter of statistics?  (for the record, I believe that more than 1% of the population is self-actualized and that this figure is growing as we continue to evolve). Or is it something else?  Again, the most difficult aspect to this quandary is the longing that remains.  Even in the healthiest, most self-actualized people, the longing for love remains.  And those who are alone can protest all they want, “I’m fine living alone.  I’m content being single.  Apparently God wants me to be celibate for now,” the truth is that we protesteth too much and the higher self knows otherwise.  I think I’ve come to understand that the human longing for love is part of who we are and a force that cannot be contained.  And until that longing is fulfilled, the longing remains.

As I further ponder this question about love and longing, two distinctly different spiritual voices emerge:

1) The Voice from the Zen Den:  This voice says something like, “Longing is about wishing for something other than what one has right now.  Longing leads to suffering, therefore, one must detach from one’s longing by returning to one’s mindfulness practice, bringing one’s self back to the present moment, the only place where we find peace.”

2) The Voice of the Artist:  “Longing is my muse.  It is in longing that I find my inspiration.  Longing compels me to create and through my creativity to inspire others.”


As I sit with these voices, I realize that both of them speak truth.  Longing can certainly distract us from our peace and plunge us headfirst down the road of anticipatory thoughts.  As such, at times, we may find the remedy to our longing by returning to our mindfulness practice.  At the same time, I have also come to recognize longing as the creative voice of the Divine trying to find its expression through us.  Longing causes us to seek, to explore, to discover and to grow.  Longing provides fuel for our creative endeavors.  The Vikings would never have discovered America if they hadn’t had a longing to know more of the world.  Alexander Graham Bell would not have invented the telephone without longing for the sound of a human voice.  And with respect to love, how would God’s love ever be known in the world if it were not for the longing that compels us to seek this love?  So perhaps the answer to this quandary resides within the tension of these seemingly opposite poles.  Perhaps there are times when we might retreat to our inner room in search of the quiet that will still our longing, and perhaps there are times when we need to be with our longing and let it speak to us, telling us where we need to look and how we are called to give it expression in our lives.

Ultimately, I believe that this insatiable longing that we feel (even after we’ve found our “happily ever after lover”) is God trying to find expression in our world – through our own uniquely creative giftedness and in the many ways we are called to be love for one another.

Posted in Authentic Freedom, Midlife Journey, Relationships

Authentic Freedom – Thoughts on Love

When I look at the search words people are using to find my blog, Authentic Freedom, Dark Night, Twin Flame and Soulmate are four frequently appearing keywords and phrases.  As such, I thought it a good idea to address these topics and see how they might relate to the current discussion thread on midlife and menopause. 


Authentic Freedom and Love

In my book, Authentic Freedom – claiming a life of contentment and joy, I confront our Western ideas of love.  Specifically, I address envy as the compulsion related to our unhealthy attitudes and choices around love.  Envy comes out of the fear that we are not  loved and that someone out there will make us feel loved.  Through envy, we believe someone else will make us feel whole, complete, content and loved.  Hello Jerry McGuire!

Love and Co-Dependency

For many (if not most) of us, the love relationships of our youth reflect these beliefs about love. We believe we will find our happily ever after when we find that PERFECT partner.  We eventually learn that the person on whom we have projected our unrealized self is not perfect after all and if we are honest with ourselves, we realize that the things we sought in the other are really qualities we need to discover and cultivate within ourselves.  This realization ushers in the dark night of the relationship. It is at this stage that the relationship either dissolves, or one or both parties begin the process of self-discovery.  If both parties decide to do this work, there is a possibility that they could re-create their love relationship, firmly rooted in mutual self-love and interdependence.  For couples that never acknowledge the dark night or where only one decides to do the work, the relationship is probably doomed or at the very least will seethe in the silent misery of discontent.

Love and Soulmates

The most common idea of a soulmate is the one perfect person with whom we will find our happily ever after.  This definition of soulmate originates in the deadly compulsion of envy and is rooted in our fear that we are not loved.  I prefer to define soulmate in a much broader and perhaps healthier sense.  I think of soulmates as those persons with whom we feel a soul-connection – those people we meet and feel an immediate affinity with….those with whom we might share a common purpose, passion or even vocation.  I  think of a soulmate as part of our soul family – those persons with whom we agreed to connect so as to accomplish our work in the world.  As such, we might have many soulmates.

Love and Twin Flames

Transcending romantic ideas of love, a Twin Flame love exists between two individuals who have come to realize the love that they are as individuals and are therefore not looking for the other person to complete them.  Twin Flames are recognized in a shared passion and vocation, they tend to have common interests and share a similar way of seeing and being in the world.  Twin Flames, in a sense, seem to share a single soul and are here to accomplish a very important mission which they both feel and which is more fully awakened in each other’s presence.  When Twin Flames come together, there is a recognition beyond that of mere soulmates because, when we behold our Twin Flame, we are seeing ourselves.   In Twin Flame relationships, 1+1 = INFINITY – an infinity felt by both parties in an awesome, almost wordless kind of way.  (I recently had a glimpse of this love while in meditation and it quite literally took my breath away – I could not breathe, I could not react, all I could do was sit in silent wonder over the strength and power of this love.  If I had entered fully into it, it would have brought me to tears….or even collapse.)  Twin Flames often speak of having had a sense of “the other” along with a deep longing to be reunited with “the other,” – a longing that may at first have come out of a sense of lack, but after they have done the work of self-love, this longing is more of an awareness of the presence of the other.  When the Twin Flames come together, this longing finds it fulfillment….but not in a codependent kind of way.   In coming together, Twin Flames reflect the abundant and infinite love of God.  Twin Flames intimately know the love of God and are called to live and reflect that love in the world and in their presence, the world is awakened and transformed in exponential ways.  The coming together of Twin Flames causes a ripple of love in the universe that quite literally, turns the world to love.  (Twin Flame relationships are not, however, free from conflict. While they have come to remember the love they are, Twin Flames are still human and as such, will experience the normal range of relationship conflicts….they will just be better equipped to negotiate healthy resolutions to conflict. )  Historical examples of Twin Flame love might include Jesus and Mary Magdalene, Krishna and Radha, Francis and Clare of Assisi, Theresa of Avila and John of the Cross, John Lennon and Yoko Ono.

Love, Midlife and Menopause

How does any of this pertain to the midlife/menopause journey?  It is most often during midlife that we are confronted by our unhealed illusions around love and are invited to remember the love that we are so that we can do the work of creating life-giving, mutually loving and interdependent relationships that then serve to help us change the world.  That’s how!  🙂

Lauri Ann Lumby mentors individuals and couples in the birth of their soul – the way in which they are uniquely and creatively gifted to find meaning, purpose and fulfillment and which they are called to share in service to the betterment of the world.  You can contact Lauri at (920) 230-1313 or to set up your own mentoring session. 

Posted in Being Human, Midlife Journey, Relationships, Returning book

Soulmate, Twin Flame, Unrequited Longing

Today’s post speaks to the longing that we all experience for connection – a longing that manifests in unique ways for each individual.  Sometimes this longing reaches out to us through our dreams, our imaginings, a restlessness that cannot be contained or a heart-ache that cannot be quenched.  The connection that we long for it at once outside of us and within us as we seek to be reunited with the lost and forsaken parts of ourselves and as we seek to live out that wholeness in partnership with another.  Some might call this outside search as the journey toward our soulmate or twin flame, others might simply experience it as unrequited longing.  I call it the search for The Beloved.


In Search for the Beloved

My Beloved,

When I go to the deepest places in my heart, you are there….gazing back at me with adoring eyes, holding out your hand to me, pulling me toward yourself, stroking my hair, holding me, kissing my lips, drying my tears.  I know that I have known your presence and I ache for you.  I miss you with a missing that feels like a sword piercing my heart, tearing me in two.  You have wandered in and out of my sleeping and waking dreams, beckoning me to you in a way that sometimes seems cruel.  How long will you hide your presence from me?  How much more patience must I bear?  I sought you.  I waited for you.  I made great sacrifices for you.  Yet, still I find you are not here and I am forced to grieve the disappointment.

So, what is there left for me to do?  Should I give you up?  Decide you are merely a figment of my overactive imagination and forsake the idea, the hope of an enduring love?  Am I to give you up and live my life knowing you will not come and forever be unsatisfied?  Do I look elsewhere and settle for less?  I ask for you to speak, yet you do not answer.  I work to keep my heart open, to sustain the hope, to keep the light burning that will lead  you home, but I find I do grow tired.  My heart grows heavy and tears fall like rain from my eyes.  I’m tempted to let the light grow dim, to close my heart to you and to continue on in the way that I came – alone.  If you have an answer for me, I’m listening, but I don’t know for how much longer.

Look for more on the midlife experience of longing in my upcoming book, Returning – a woman’s midlife journey to herself, coming in May.