Posted in Midlife Journey, Spiritual Direction, Spiritual Formation

Spirituality and Religion

Religion and spirituality are not the same.  While religion is inseparable from spirituality, spirituality can stand alone.  Today’s blog points out some of the things about spirituality that allow it to stand on its own.

Returning - A Woman's Midlife Journey to Herself
Returning – A Woman’s Midlife Journey to Herself

Spirituality is UNIVERSAL

Each and everyone of us is on a spiritual journey.  The spiritual journey is that which leads us to finding

  • Meaning
  • Purpose
  • Connection

While we are all on this journey, each of us finds our own unique path.  While we may begin the journey for the sake of our own longing for meaning and purpose, we soon realize that everyone is on this search.

The Spiritual Journey has LIMITLESS paths

Anyway that we find meaning, purpose or connection becomes part of the spiritual journey:  changing diapers, snuggling babies, parenting, partnering, meditation, prayer, sex, music, art, literature, nature, exercise, movement, community gatherings, advocacy, healing, teaching, learning, being healed, gardening, cooking, writing, drawing, coloring, sculpting, etc. etc. etc.  In short….EVERYTHING we do and experience becomes part of our spiritual journey.  We become more proactive in this journey when we bring this intention to WHATEVER we are doing.

Spirituality leads us to TOLERANCE, COMPASSION, HARMONY

The spiritual journey by its very nature is about CONNECTION.  While our spiritual journey may begin from a place of perceived separation, the more we tend to this process, the more we recognize the need to tear down the walls and make friends with eachother.  We learn that love is the guiding and harmonizing Source of the universe and that as we grow in love, we are able to be more loving toward ourselves, toward others and we seek to cultivate this love in our interpersonal relationships.

Spirituality encourages and provokes CHANGE

When conscious about our spiritual journey, we have no choice but to change.  Yes, we might initially resist the change that is provoked through spiritual growth, but eventually, the Spirit wins out.  The spiritual journey forces us to step out of the shell of our acorn and grow into the magnificent oak we were intended to be.  Like the acorn that has no choice but to become the oak, we have no choice but to become who were are intended to be….and this means growth and change.  When we resist this growth, we suffer. Imagine how the tender shoot of the acorn feels if someone places a brick over it, preventing it from reaching toward the sun….it eventually withers up and dies…..the same will happen to us if we resist the force of growth wanting to be known through us.

Spirituality causes us to EXPAND

Tending to our spiritual journey makes ourselves and our lives BIGGER!  We begin to experience the inner freedom that is our original nature and we are driven to cultivate this freedom in our everyday lives.  Our passion becomes our work and our work becomes our joy.  We discover that the purpose of our gifts is to serve others….to help others to be nourished, to grow, to expand, to heal, to become empowered and transformed.  The fire of passion that we bear within ourselves sparks the fire of passion in those we love and those we serve and they too are able to know the freedom of expansion.

Spirituality is able to STAND on its own

As a universal experience, spirituality is self-sustaining.  Spirituality is able to stand on its own. As a deeply personal experience, the spiritual journey can be accomplished on our own, without the support of a community…..but as those conscious about their spiritual journey can attest, the journey is richer, deeper and more meaningful when shared with others.

Spirituality may or may not include a “god”

Personally, my definition of “God” is so big that I cannot see the spiritual journey absent the Presence and Action of God…..but we do not need to believe in a personal image of God to be spiritual.  Spirituality is a universal journey and happens regardless of our beliefs.

In Short: 

The spiritual journey is the way in which we find Meaning, Purpose and Connection and the process through which our TRUEST SELF is born!

Lauri Lumby is available as a source of support for you on your own spiritual journey through Spiritual Direction/Companioning, through classes and workshops and through her writing.  You can contact Lauri at (920) 230-1313 or

Posted in Authentic Freedom, Initiation, Spiritual Formation

Tested in Fire

Once we step onto the path of awakening, enlightenment, spiritual growth, consciousness, self-awareness (or whatever you want to call it), we are forever changed.  And, it is not a journey for the faint of heart!


Who will endure the day of his coming?

Who can stand when he appears?

For he is like the refiner’s fire,

or like the fuller’s lye.

He will sit refining and purifying silver,

And he will purify the sons of Levi,

Refining them like gold or like silver…

Malachi 3: 3-4a

Defining the “God Path”

Some people call it the path of enlightenment, others awakening, others being saved, others consciousness, others self-awareness.  I call it the God Path.  When we heed the restlessness and longing in our soul and begin the search for its remedy, we are on the God Path.  For most, the search for the remedy to this inner restlessness, longing and impatience begins outside … looking for the perfect job, partner, house, STUFF, that will quell this longing.  Eventually, we find that the external search produces NOTHING or worse, more longing and restlessness.  At some point, some give up and surrender to a life of quiet desperation.  The courageous, however, continue the search which eventually leads them WITHIN…to the only place where that longing might be satisfied.  I call this the God Path because it is God (consciousness, higher self, highest truth, Presence, Being) that we find within.  And it is God who is the source of our longing…..calling us HOME.

The God Path Requires ENDURANCE

As the prophet Malachi observed, the God Path is not for the faint of heart and requires a tremendous amount of endurance.   Endurance is required because on the God Path, every fear, ego-attachment, false perception reveals itself and asks for our attention so that it can be healed, transcended and released.  If money is one of our attachments, it will show up.  If we cling to power, status or fame, it will be IN OUR FACE.  If we do not believe we are worthy of love, our unworthiness will show up again and again and again until we remember that we are already LOVE, that love does not have to be earned, neither does it have to be taken away. If we have forgotten that we are uniquely gifted to reveal God in the world and if we have withheld these gifts from the world, we will be confronted by anxiety, depression, rage.  If we have harbored resentment toward another, forgiveness will elude us.  Again and again and again our fears and attachments will show themselves so that we can face them and do the work of moving through them so that we can be the WHOLE person God created us to be.

Help Along the Path

Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy provides tools to help you along the God Path.  It does so by illuminating the seven core fears that you will face along the path and presenting tools to help you heal and transcend these fears.  Through Authetic Freedom, we discover that forewarned is forearmed and we enter into the God Path armed with the resources we need to confront the fears, ego attachments and false perceptions as they present themselves to us.  Authentic Freedom presents the same tools used by our greatest spiritual teachers in their own journey along the God Path – Jesus, Moses, The Buddha, Krishna, Mohammed and others.

Personal Support

Because the God Path requires endurance and will test us like gold tested in fire, it is  helpful to have a personal guide along the path.  This personal guidance is the role of a Spiritual Director.  It is a Spiritual Director’s job to be a source of support for us along the path, to provide encouragement and also an objective presence to help us to see those things that may be lurking in the darkness – our unresolved ego attachments, the way we project our fears and attachments on to others, our resistance to the path that God may be laying out for us.  It is the responsibility of a Spiritual Director to help us hear the truth beyond our words and to see the light that is shining where we might see only darkness.  The role of a Spiritual Director is at once listener, coach and spiritual butt-kicker.

Rewarded for our Endurance

While the journey is not easy, the rewards are terrific.  For those who choose the God path and stick with it, there is fulfillment, contentment, love, joy and peace and the ability to endure the ups and downs of the human condition without being destroyed.  The God path provides for us the tools to transcend the fears, false perceptions and suffering of the human condition and to find the peace that resides in the midst of it all.  In choosing the God path, we find that heaven, nirvana, the kingdom of God is RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW and not on some planet light years away.

For support along the God Path, contact Lauri Lumby at (920) 230-1313 or lauri@yourspiritualtruth.  Or click on Services to learn more.

Posted in Being Human, grief, Healing

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

As we move and grow along our spiritual path, we are invited to examine and release for healing all those things inside of us that we want to put on somebody else – shame, blame, guilt, anger, frustration, impatience, distrust, etc.  When we are tempted to project our stuff “out there” we are invited to hold up the mirror and truthfully acknowledge our own unhealed wounds.


Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Biggest Jerk of All?

Ahem….after a weekend buried in the world of projections, I can tell you the answer to that question is:  ME!  Me! Me! Me!  I am the biggest jerk as I look back on a weekend of impatience, frustration, doubt, fear, anger, sadness, compulsive behaviors and obsessions.  In this I am forced to humbly admit my humanness – which for a recovering perfectionist is not the easiest thing to do!  ARGH!!!!!  Yelling at my kids.  Spending hours in obsessive worry.  Stomping around the house and grumbling about all the things “they” did to me.  Wanting to run screaming after people I decided in my head had hurt me, ignored me, rejected me.  All my demons were out in full force and I was not a happy camper, and neither were the poor souls who had to share my living space (material and virtual!).  Did I say, ARGH?  So, sorry kids and other innocent bystanders…..I was a JERK and now I understand why.

Looking into the Mirror

So this morning, after a weekend of yuk….I returned to my daily spiritual practice.  I listened to a little Kirtan (sacred chant) , then sat in meditation.  It was in this space of quiet repose that the universe decided to give me the gift of a clean mirror in which to gaze.  And there is was….I saw in vivid technicolor the source of my jerk-ness.  Then I wacked myself in the head with a big, “DUH!”  Of course, this weekend I moved the rest of my belongings out of my former husband’s home and into my new home….and it was not easy…..among other things, we had to move a 100 year old upright concert grand piano.  (Thank you by the way to the three strong men who lent their muscle, time and patience to moving that beast!!!!!).  Physical objects aside, the move was not easy for a plethora of other reasons:  Loss, sadness, grief, finality and a sense of closure….then mix that in with the grief and all its shining faces that decided to resurface in this time of transition.  DUH!  Of course I was a jerk….the grief came home to roost and instead of acknowledging the fears and resulting emotions that would be stirred up by this grief: insecurity, doubt, mistrust, sadness, loss, anger, resentment, etc. etc. etc.  I found myself projecting it outward….my kids were being brats, not listening, tearing up the house, friends weren’t giving me the attention I wanted in spite of all my attempts at getting their attention, I wasn’t getting what I wanted and when I wanted it, etc. etc. etc.   In short…..instead of acknowledging the unhealed wounds of my own grief, I had to decide that EVERYONE ELSE….was being a jerk and must somehow be rejecting and ignoring me.  POOR LAURI!

Polishing that Mirror

The reminder I received this morning is a terrific lesson for all of us who are trying to be conscious about our spiritual growth and healing.  When we find ourselves frustrated, angry, impatient, jealous, covetous, greedy, clingy, obsessive, possessive toward others, it might be a good time to pick up our own mirror and take a GOOD HARD LOOK.  What is the real source of these feelings?   What fear, wound, attachment, false perception within ourselves is kicking and screaming and trying to get our attention?  What loss, disappointment, insecurity, fear, etc. is asking for our loving, healing, compassionate attention?  When we turn our gaze away from our projections and look inward, chances are there is something inside asking for healing.  Can we then be loving enough toward ourselves (and others) and allow that wound to be named and given over for healing?  I think when we give ourselves permission to do this, the outward projections naturally take care of themselves.  In other words, “they” aren’t the jerks, we are for not tending to our own wounded hearts.

Where do you find yourself projecting blame, guilt, shame, anger, impatience, etc. towards others as a way to settle your own unhealed hurts?

How are you being invited to look more deeply within for the unhealed wounds that might be in need of healing?

How can you be loving and kind toward yourself in your own times of sorrow, grief and loss?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

Posted in Authentic Freedom, Discernment, Surrender

Want vs. Higher Good

As we move along the path of our spiritual growth, we are invited to move out of the world of want and surrender to the world of our highest good.  All of this requires an immeasurable amount of trust and our own willingness to let go of our ego-filled desires and need to control. Today’s blog explores that process.

Pop Culture Abundance Theology

“God loves you so much that God wants you to have EVERYTHING you want.  In order to get what you want, you just need to think the right thoughts.  If you don’t have what you want, then you are thinking the wrong thoughts.  Like attracts like.”  Sound familiar?  These are the words that have been getting tossed around in our pop-culture as a justification for indulging our wants and making the masses believe that this is what God wants for us and that makes it right, right?  I personally know people who have spent THOUSANDS of dollars in support of organizations and churches that preach this kind of “abundance” theology and in the end, have NOTHING to show for it except maybe a pile of debt.  What is missing is the reality that Divine abundance has nothing to do with want and it certainly has nothing to do with money, stuff, things OR thinking the “right” thoughts.  The Law of Attraction is nothing more than something made up by a culture that wants to justify its gluttony and greed and instead of supporting our dreams, hopes and visions, belief in this law only gets us trapped in the hamster wheel of guilt, blame and shame. (because if we don’t have what we want, we must be thinking the wrong thoughts and then it is our personal fault if we don’t have what we want.)  And I don’t mean to shatter anyone’s illusions, but there is no “Secret,” not the one our culture wants us to believe anyway!

The Real Secret

The truth is that God is abundant.  Just not in the way our pop culture wants us to believe.  God does want us to enjoy our highest good.  God knows what we need in our lives to feel peace, calm, content, joyful, compassionate, merciful and loving.  God knows what are our greatest gifts and how we could use those gifts to find inner fulfillment and how we could share those gifts in the world in service to others so that our world can become more peaceful, just, harmonious and loving.  And what God WANTS is for us to know this, to believe this, to embrace this and to live this.  This is the true nature of Divine Abundance….and it has nothing to do with money, status, fame, power, stuff.  And quite frequently, it has nothing to do with what WE want, but it has everything to do with what we NEED!  (I think there’s a Rolling Stones song that says something about this!)

Getting in our Own Way

So, if there is a path to fulfillment, peace, joy, compassion, justice and God knows what that is, why aren’t we living it?  Because….we keep getting in our own way!  We go through our lives trying to get what we want, trying to make things happen, trying to manipulate and control the outcome of our lives.  And what does that give us?  FRUSTRATION  PAIN  DISAPPOINTMENT  DRAMA  CHAOS  STRESS  ANXIETY  What would happen if instead of making our own plans, deciding our own destinations, seeking the fulfillment of our WANTING, we sought direction from the ONE source that actually knows what is best for us?  HHHMMM   We might know PEACE  LOVE  CONTENTMENT  FULFILLMENT.  Sounds like a great idea to me!

The Magic Formula

So, how do we get out of our own way and allow God to drive the bus?  In a nutshell…READ MY BOOK!  (ha ha).  In truth, there are a million fabulous resources that support us in our journey of letting go of our ego-driven wanting so that we can be open to surrendering to the Divine flow of abundance.  The bottom line….is…..being open to receiving guidance from a source higher (deeper, wider, more intimate, ) than our selves.  Meditation, prayer, contemplation, creative endeavors, are all supportive tools for being open to receiving the guidance that leads us toward our highest good.  And then, we need to get out of the way.   When we let go of our wanting, our plans, our need to control, and allow ourselves to surrender to what God would reveal to us as in our highest good, then we are guaranteed an abundance of peace, contentment, love and joy….and we are given the tools we need to move through the ups and downs of the sometimes insane human condition, trusting that even the losses, disappointments and tragedies of life are somehow serving our highest good.  Now that is ABUNDANCE!

Where do you find yourself clinging to your own need to control?

Where have you gotten caught up in the wheel of guilt and blame over “not getting what I want?”

How are you being invited to be open to Divine guidance towards the path of your highest good?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

Posted in Authentic Freedom, Discernment

Surprising Tidbits of Wisdom

One of the lessons we are invited to learn as we move along the path of our spiritual growth is how to use the gifts we were given to explore, discover and embrace our truth, thereby reclaiming the contentment, love and joy that we are.  As Jesus reminds us, “The truth shall set you free.”

Workshops and Wonder

Last night I had the fabulous opportunity of sharing the Authentic Freedom workshop with a group of 20-some people at Inner Sun Yoga Studios who were brave enough to give themselves the gift of time for their own journey of healing and self-discovery.  We learned about the call to freedom – the Divine call we are all invited to accept – to depart our own worlds of inner slavery (to our fears, false perceptions, ego-attachments) and return to our own inner promised land – the place of contentment, joy and love within us.  Then we explored the Authentic Freedom process as a tool for healing and letting go of our fears so that we can more and more fully enjoy a fulfilling and joy-filled life.  It was out of this workshop that a surprising tidbit of wisdom flew into my brain and out of my mouth and had everybody in the room raising their hands…”Can you repeat that?”  The trick, trying to remember what just flew out of my mouth!  🙂

Here’s the Wisdom

We were discussing the spiritual compulsion of sloth along with the fear out of which this compulsion arises, “I do not know.” ( my truth, my path, my call, my purpose, etc.).  These are the words that flew out of my mouth and are unfortunately NOT written out this way in my book, Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy, but just might make it into my third book, The Prayer of Recollection:

We have all been given the gift of:

A reasoning mind

A questioning spirit

A discerning heart


An empowering will

We are expected to use it!

I realize as I write this, that these words stand on their own.  Now the question is, where in your own life are you using, or refraining from using, these gifts? I want to know!

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

Posted in Healing, teachers

Honoring the Ancestors

In today’s blog, we explore the role that our ancestors have played in our spiritual journeys and the opportunities we have to redeem their unlived dreams, where appropriate.

Mildred Tends the Fire

Copyright 2011  Lauri Lumby

Mildred tends the fire built on past regrets

And gifts suppressed.

Alcohol ignites the embers of a lifetime of unmet needs.


She fans the flames with her unwritten words

A towering inferno for all to see –

Past, present and future.


See me!

Learn from me!

Choose another course:


Ignore not the fire that burns within

Carefully heed her call.

And feed her


And by her power

You will be nourished

And the ones you love sustained.

By her strength you are empowered

Her heat gives you courage.


Burn bright and strong dear ones – colorful and brilliant

The fire you tend is you.

Guard it well as it gives you life

And light to all around.


Mildred Baker (McMahon) Evans was my maternal grandmother.  Sadly, my childhood memories of her are mostly of the “scary witch who sat in the corner chair chain-smoking in one hand, a slightly dented beer can in the other with a dish of Brach’s star chocolates at her elbow.”  While she was scary to me as a child, as an I adult, I now know that Grandma Mitz was a victim of the McMahon curse.  Suffering with depression and anxiety disorder in a time where neither were acknowledged as disease and effective treatment not even considered let alone available, Grandma found relief in alcohol.  Sadly, relief turned to abuse which eventually led to addiction and permanent (or so we thought) brain damage.  By the time I knew her, she was mostly unable to care for herself and truly lived a life of “quiet desperation.”    The good news is that after the death of her husband and ten years in a nursing home (without alcohol), the real Mildred began to return.  Unfortunately I didn’t get to meet this Grandma until just days before she died of lung cancer.  While the timing was bad, I am so grateful to have gotten a glimpse into the woman my Grandma was supposed to have been.  The new/original Mildred I met was sharp, quick-witted, had a twisted sense of humor (like me), enjoyed writing and playing the piano and joked about her brothers and sisters.   She was delightful and this is the Grandma I wished I had gotten to know sooner.

The Role of Ancestors

Our ancestors play an important role in our spiritual journeys.  Whether we want to admit it or not, our family of origin, going back several generations, plays a significant role in making us the person we are today – good and bad!  Character traits, defense mechanisms, compulsions and addictions, inner gifts, physical appearance, etc. are all influenced in part by the genetic pool from which we originate.  From my McMahon ancestors, I got depression, anxiety disorders, compulsive thoughts (worry), grudge-holding, a tendency toward co-dependency and alcohol abuse.  The good news is that there are amazing gifts that have come from the McMahons as well – profound intuitive abilities, enormous creativity, a quick wit (sarcastic, cynical and twisted too!), a love of play, appreciate of family and hospitality, a gift in writing, musical talent and an appreciation of all of the arts. 

Redeeming the Ancestral Influences

The influence of our ancestors plays an important role as we meander along the path of spiritual growth.  Our gene pool is ours – for better or for worse.  We cannot undo these influences, but as we grow spiritually, we will be given opportunities to choose  whether we want to continue to live out of the wounded aspects of our ancestral line or if we want to work toward redeeming them.  The invitation is to take the time to recognize and acknowledge the origin of the compulsive behaviors that seem to have come from our family of origin and make a different choice.  At the same time, we are invited to acknowledge and give honor to that which is good and holy and magnificent about our ancestors and embrace those gifts.   In releasing that which is unhealthy and embracing that which is glorious, we are able to live more fully as our most authentic selves.  What is extra cool about this is that in choosing the magnificent, we not only redeem ourselves, but provide healing and release (redemption) for our ancestors, along with our own progeny.  The healing goes back in time and forward in time into infinity.  How cool is that?

Redeeming Mildred

I give thanks to my Grandma Mitz for showing me the curse along with the gift and I consciously choose to embrace the gift and trust that in doing so she too will experience healing.  So, I embrace my writer, my musician, my sick and twisted humor, my love of family, friends, the arts and play!  And as I hold up mug of dark-roast, freshly pressed, coffee (yep, here’s my addiction), I offer, “Cheers to you Grandma!”

Where are you able to recognize the wounded aspects of your ancestors and their influence in your own life?

What do you see at the gifts of your ancestors?

How are you being invited to heal the wounds and embrace the gifts?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

Posted in Authentic Freedom, Divine Revelation, temptation

The God’s Have Spoken

Last Friday, I put God and my God Squad on notice.  Yesterday, I got their response.  A Humbling reminder for one who claims to assist others on the path of spiritual growth and enlightenment.

The God’s Have Spoken!

Last Friday, I shared with you my Rantings on the Divine.  In essence, I told my God-Squad to “Step up or Step off!”  I was tired of being sick, tired of being afraid and tired of feeling helpless and without help and support from the Divine helpers that are supposed to be doing just that….HELPING!  I wasn’t sure what response, if any I would get to my teenage-like temper tantrum…..but I knew I needed to tell my Divine helpers how I was feeling.  Well… was their response as it was delivered to me in the middle of yoga class yesterday (Sunday) morning:

“Lauri, you know that everything will be alright.

(I had to admit that I DO know this…in the deepest place of truth inside my heart!)

The source of your anxiety and worry is the “how.”  You are worrying

about and seeking after the “how” everything will be ok.

Lauri, the “how” is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

The “how” is our job, and we are working on it, all for your highest good

and for the highest good of your family.

So, relax in the knowledge that everything will be alright

and let us take care of the how.”


Well, there you have it!  I sure cannot argue with these words delivered directly to my mind and my heart by none other than the very God-Squad I gave notice to on Friday.  So, the Gods have spoken and I am listening (and humbled!)


A Teacher’s Irony

So, here is the irony.  As I received these words in the middle of yoga class yesterday, The Authentic Freedom principles that I received from this very God-squad and now share with my clients and students and will be revealed in detail in my upcoming book, Authentic Freedom- Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy (coming out this April!!!!!) came flooding into my awareness.  The seven spiritual fears, the core wound, the seven sacred truths all came rushing at me.  DUH!!!!!  I was shoulder deep in every one of the seven spiritual fears and had forgotten to go to the very tools that I teach and invite my students to utilize when they are in similar states of fear, despair, hopelessness.  Consider the teacher humbled!  Apparently, I still have much to learn (which is a good thing…because if I didn’t think I had more to learn, I probably shouldn’t be teaching anyone!!!!).


The Trickster

As I reflected on the Authentic Freedom principles and how I had been indulging the fears and the process through which I found comfort (by admitting I couldn’t do it alone and needed HELP!), I then heard the words of one of my teachers, Julie Tallard Johnson ringing in my ears. In her book, The Wheel of Initiation, Julie speaks of the role of the Trickster (temptation) in our journey of spiritual awakening.  The Trickster shows up as anxiety, fear, restlessness, guilt, despair, hopelessness, etc. and makes us think that things are bad when in fact they are REALLY REALLY GOOD!  The Trickster shows up to tempt us into indulging fear instead of recognizing the magnificence that is happening.  And, I love these words that Julie offers as a means of responding to the Trickster in our midst:

“Hello Trickster, and Thank you for being here.

You would not be showing up if something beautiful weren’t happening!”


So, I guess that means that something really, really, really magnificent must be happening in my life or the Trickster would not have shown up in such a fearful, desperate, hopeless guise.  So, Trickster, thank you for showing up to remind me of the truly beautiful things are happening and will continue to happen in my life!  And thank you to my God-Squad for stepping up to remind me that I am NOT alone!  And, thank you for my spiritual sisters who have been such an amazing source of support for me as I move through this stage of spiritual growth (you know who you are!).


What are the spiritual fears that confront you on your own spiritual path?

Who is your God-squad?  When is the last time you asked them for help?

What role has the Trickster played in your spiritual journey?

Who are your human sources of spiritual support and love?


Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries


Posted in Being Human

Ranting on the Divine

So, what does one do on the path of Spiritual Growth when it feels like you’ve tried everything, nothing is working and impatience and frustration have taken over?  What does one do when despair is knocking on the door and you are tempted to throw in the towel?????   Maybe it is time for a good old fashion “take-down match” with God.

I Hit the Wall

I admit it, I am human.  While I accompany others in their own journey of spiritual growth and healing, teach classes in spiritual practices that help us navigate the path of our lives and encourage others to seek, cultivate and share their spiritual gifts in the world, I am apparently not immune to my own struggles along this path.  This week has proven to be a WTF week.  Here’s the rundown:

  • I’m on week 9 of a sometimes debilitating upper respiratory virus complete with gargantuan coughing spells, asthma symptoms, body aches, exhaustion, congestion, etc. etc. etc.   I’ve been to the doctor twice and to an alternative health care practitioner and TRIED EVERYTHING.   I”M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED!
  • The divorce that started last April has DONE NOTHING.  No movement.  It feels like it is hanging in mid-air, just hanging up there taunting me.
  • Some things have happened in my personal life (that I will keep close to my heart) that have kicked my emotional ass.
  • The flow of abundance has STOPPED.  No, not just stopped, it has gone completely in reverse.  I stand here helpless as I watch the financial security I need to move forward in my life dart and run, then taunt and tease me, while the seeming financial security we have enjoyed flows right down the toilet, taking all of us with it.
  • As I’m trying to grow my business, writing this blog, working with marketing experts, etc. I watch it slowing and stagnating, making me question…..have I gotten this wrong all along?  Am I really supposed to be doing this?
  • When I attempt to explore complementary financial options, the universe closes (no, SLAMS) the door in my face.


Trying the Usual Tools

So, as this has all been unfolding, I have done what I teach others to do.  I have prayed, meditated, tried journaling, engaged in movement meditation, etc. etc. etc.  I have employed every spiritual tool at my disposal to be open to receiving the Divine direction, comfort, support, etc. that I know is there.  And here are the answers that I am getting:

  • You are on the right path
  • You are doing the right thing
  • Everything is in perfect Divine timing
  • Be patient
  • Trust
  • You are being taken care of
  • All your needs are being met
  • You do not need to get “another job”, you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing and the financial support is coming.

Again, WTF??????

Ranting at the Divine

Normally, I find comfort, affirmation, peacefulness in the answers that I have been getting in my prayer.  Yesterday, not so much.  Not so much, in fact, that I had a panic attack on the way to a business meeting.  Panic attack?????  While I have a history of depression and panic attack, I have not had one in over three years.   Ok, God, you want to play rough…..get ready, because I have had it!!!!!  So, here is what I did.  Last night, just before drifting off to sleep, I lined ’em up.  I called them all in – God, Jesus, Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Michael the Archangel, Joan of Arc, Hildegard of Bingen, St. Bernadette, St. Francis and Clare, Theresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Melchezidek, Krishna, Radha, the Buddha, all my ancestors….and anyone else I could name and I gave them what-for:

“Alright, I’ve had it!!!!!!   You guys show up and tell me I’m supposed to be a vessel of God’s healing love in the world.  You download a curriculum of Spiritual Formation into my mind and ask me to teach it.  You give me the Christouch system of natural healing and you ask me to teach that.  You lead me to all these amazing teachers, tools, opportunities to learn, to grow and to heal and you ask me to in turn share these with others.  You lead me to writing teachers and ask me to write…books and this blog.  You tell me all my needs will be met as I freely and openly share these gifts and tools with others.  I’ve done everything you have asked of me.  I have followed all the trails you have set out for me.  I have calmly (ok, not always) accepted all the challenges that have come with following these trails.  I have tended the ground, planted and watered the seeds, obediently accepted every invitation you have offered me.  Now, what have you given me in return?   Sickness.  Heartache.  Financial struggles.  Stagnation.  Now, I need your help!!!!!!  (I pleaded)  I can’t do this alone!  ( I begged)  Here’s the deal…..Either you step up to the plate and start doing what Divine helpers are supposed to be doing – HELPING!!!!!…..or….step off!”

Then I clapped the dust off my hands, stomped the dirt off my feet, turned and walked away.  I’ll let you know if they bother to answer!

When have you wanted to enter into a take-down match with God?

What tools do you have at your disposal for moments of overwhelm, despair, fear?

Are you ok with getting angry with God and giving God what-for?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries