Posted in codependency

Five Steps toward Healing Co-Dependency

Co-dependency has been defined in many ways. At the most basic level, co-dependency is based on the false premise that it is our job to make other people happy and that if we do not, they will no longer love us. After our spiritual awakening and as we move toward self-actualization, we come to recognize the patterns of co-dependency that are prevalent in our lives and are invited to heal these patterns.

co-dependency, spiritual healing, self-actualization, boundaries, healthy boundaries,

Identifying Co-Dependency
There are a wide range of behaviors that fit within the cycle of co-dependency and we are all affected in different ways proportionate to our conditioning. Below are a few examples of co-dependent behaviors and attitudes. Healing begins by identifying what of these behaviors are present within us:
• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the happiness of others.
• Taking care of the needs of others before taking care of ourselves.
• A tendency to do more than our share, all of the time.
• A sense of guilt when asserting ourselves.
• Difficulty in setting boundaries.
• A disproportionate need for approval and recognition.

Recognizing the Causes of Co-Dependency
After identifying patterns of co-dependency, it is often helpful to understand what causes these behaviors. First and foremost is the understanding that co-dependency is learned. We are not born co-dependent, it is a pattern of behavior that is taught to us by our culture first, then our parents, teachers, ministers and peers. We are trained to be co-dependent by the societal expectations that it is our job to make other people happy, that somehow their unhappiness is our fault, and that another person’s needs are of more value than our own. From the perspective of spiritual healing, the root cause of co-dependency is the false believe that love exists outside of us and that we have to earn this love and that if we do not make others (mom, dad, God, our teachers, etc.) happy that they will withdraw their love from us.

Co-Dependency Takes Two
Co-dependency always happens between two (or more) people. There is the “triggerer” and the “triggered.” The triggerer acts in a way that tugs at another, prompting them to react to the other person’s actions. An example might be a partner who reacts in violent ways to not getting their way – perhaps a project they are working on isn’t going their way and they start screaming and yelling out of frustration. The triggered then reacts – running to the “rescue” of the triggerer, in attempt to “fix it” so their partner can be happy. Another example might be a peer who remarks negatively about the way you dress which prompts you to change your whole style in an attempt to gain that peer’s approval.

Acknowledge When We Are Triggered
The triggering that drives us toward co-dependent behaviors is subtle. In the early stages of healing from co-dependency, this triggering is often unrecognizable. We don’t see it because it is so familiar. The cycle of co-dependency has become a part of how we function. Healing co-dependency requires that we recognize when we are triggered to reach out to another in an effort to make them happy or to gain approval. For many, this “reaching out” is experienced in a very physical way, such as in a sensation in the center of one’s gut that feels like energy pulling at and away from them. Others might feel it as a constriction in the neck or shoulder muscles. The way the trigger is experienced is unique from individual to individual and the path to healing co-dependency begins by identifying how these sensations are felt in our own bodies and then acknowledging when these sensations are being triggered.

Standing in Your Own Power
When we feel the physical sensation of being triggered, the next step is to STOP that energy from leaving our body and pulling us toward the person we are tempted to “make happy.” This step is the sheer force of will that allows us to STAY PUT instead of running to another’s rescue or after another person’s approval. Standing in our own power also helps us to recognize that we are not the cause of another person’s unhappiness. One practice that has proven helpful is the mantra, “It’s their stuff, not mine.” When we feel triggered by another’s behavior, instead of following the thread of co-dependency, we stand still, holding our energy into ourselves while chanting this mantra. This helps us to put a halt to this pattern of co-dependency, leaving the other party responsible for their own happiness – where this responsibility lies in the first place.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat
The above are five steps toward healing co-dependency. To truly be free of this conditioned behavior, we have to follow the above steps over and over and over again. As in all things, practice makes perfect and the more we tend to our own journey of healing co-dependency, the more we are truly free of these debilitating practices.

For further support in healing from co-dependency, consider a private session with Lauri Ann Lumby. Email to schedule your session. Also check out Lauri’s book Happily Ever After – The Transformational Journey from “you complete me” to Beloved Partnership. Available in paperback and Kindle on Amazon.

Posted in Authentic Freedom, Freedom

Freedom from Fear Flash Sale

Spiritual healing is about learning to identify and then healing our inner fears.  Authentic Freedom Academy offers a wide range of resources to support you in this endeavor toward your spiritual healing.  Enjoy this special offer of some of our most popular tools for your spiritual healing:

Freedom from Fear FLASH SALE!

 offer ends Sunday, 2/4/18 at 11:59 pm

Purchase the “Freedom from Fear” Course Bundle for $175.00 and get all four courses below….a savings of over $90.00! 

Healing our Religious Wounds, Rite of the Sepulchre, Demon Binding and Banishing Ritual and our foundational Authentic Freedom course.

Buy it by clicking on Paypal link below:

Once payment is received you will be manually added to each of the courses included in the bundle and you will be notified via email of confirmed registration.

*Click on images below for full descriptions of each course.

*Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy is a required reading for the Authentic Freedom course.  The book is not included in the bundled price above.  It is available in paperback and Kindle through Amazon.  

Spiritual Healing - Healing Demons


Posted in Spiritual Development, spiritual healing, Spiritual Practices

Spiritual Healing through the Demon Binding and Banishing Ritual

Healthy human development includes the process of spiritual healing, specifically from the fears and unhealed wounds that might otherwise keep us from the path of our truth.  Healing and releasing these “demons” sets us on the path of true and enduring happiness and supports the ultimate goal of our journey which is self-actualization. I created the Demon Binding and Banishing Ritual to support us in this spiritual healing.

A Seven Step Process for the healing, transformation and release of negative energetic influences. 

Created by Lauri Ann Lumby, OM, OPM, MATS

Magdalene Priestess, Shadow Worker and Spiritual Counselor

Whether we believe in the literal truth of demonic entities, or think of “demon” as a metaphor for either our own or collective fear, a critical part of the journey of spiritual development and growth is confronting those energies that might otherwise dissuade us from our path.  We might recognize the presence of these fear-forms in:

  • Challenging or harmful relationships
  • Past or current life trauma
  • Situations where our financial support is not flowing in a positive direction
  • Unexplainable health issues
  • Negative individuals or groups who seem to be attacking or interfering with our work
  • Feeling as if awareness of our gifts or contribution in the world is being blocked
  • Inability to make our soul’s purpose a success
  • Experiences we might interpret as bad luck
  • Crisis patterns
  • Worry, fretfulness, unrest
  • Physical or emotional fatigue

The further we move along the path of our spiritual growth, the more persistent and persuasive these fears become, to the point where they sometimes feel as if they really are a disembodied demonic entity trying to harm us.

Hence the value of having a diligent spiritual practice through which we might identify, confront, heal, release and transform these fears (See my course Authentic Freedom for more on this) so that we might continue along the path of our truth.  When even our most effective spiritual practices aren’t working however, it is helpful to have an even powerful weapon at our disposal.  It is for this purpose that I created and now share the Demon Binding and Banishing Ritual.

Learn more and register HERE.

Posted in Healing, Inspiration, Uncategorized

Author Tour: Jay Ramsay

I first met Jay Ramsay through his book, Crucible of Love   which I found on the library shelf at Chalice Well in Glastonbury, England where I was staying while on pilgrimage.  I devoured Jay’s book and found that his perspectives on love deeply resonated with me.  I took copious notes and found that some of his quotes ended up in my own book, Authentic Freedom.  When it was time to seek out author endorsements for my book, Jay was a natural choice.  He generously agreed and since then we have become friends.  I have found in Jay not only a friend but a teacher and a mentor and most importantly, a spiritual brother.  I am honored and gifted to know him as would be anyone who might find themselves in his company as either a student, client, companion or friend.  Jay’s “professional bio” is noted below….but without further ado….some of his AMAZING poetry!!!!!    Thank you Jay for being part of this week’s Author Tour!

Poetry selections from Jay Ramsay’s book: Gita – a dialogue of love and freedom

– 46

Your silence is my guide

the centre I need to find

and the one place where I know

the feeling is right.

painful as it may be

and where emotion breaks free

and is everywhere exposed

boiling over, unsafe

this is the placeless place

of loneliness and aching…

Breathe back, soothe yourself in

at home with myself again

the only way I can find you

where we meet, in truth, within.

– 147

But before you can

I have to be ready

returned to myself

in all I am

knowing that I am

You within

above, below

Love within

without needing anyone,

not even you…

Then you can come close

without fear of drowning

your body knowing

this man is whole.


And raging frustrated

the fire rising

is this returning

of potency, deep within

goaded by you, this

impossible situation

your resistance

your refusal to let us be

an absolute measure

of this inner alchemy;

your self-preservation

a higher intention

as secretly revealing

your destiny.

 Jay Ramsay is an internationally recognized poet and author of over 30 books including Crucible of Love, The Poet in You and Gita – a dialogue of love and freedom.  As a psychotherapist, Jay’s speciality is to help his clients uncover and express their true feelings, emotionally and creatively, and to find ways of translating that authenticity into action. He works with people of all backgrounds and at all stages of our life journey. Jay has 15 years in private practice, and has been accredited with UKCP and APP since 2004. Jay also works energetically as an experienced spiritual healer and is a full healer member of the National Federation of Spiritual Healers (MNFSH, since 1998).  Jay lives in Stroud, England and can be reached through his website:

Posted in Lessons, Spiritual Formation

Reflections of Ourselves

There is a harsh, cruel truth in the nature of the human condition.  This truth is that what is going on outside of us is reflective of what is going on within.  The good news is that there just might be a benevolent Divine Source that sometimes breaks through and invites us to something different….if we have the courage to say “yes.” 

Smoke and Mirrors

There is a harsh truth that we begin to recognize as we move along the path of spiritual growth.  This truth is that what is going on outside of us is frequently reflective of what is going on within.  Let me give you a few examples.

  • If all we have ever known is dysfunction, co-dependency, abuse, emotional starvation….it is likely that our intimate relationships, friendships, etc. will reflect this and be co-dependent, abusive, emotionally bereft, etc.
  • If we loathe ourselves, we will find people in our lives who are happy to loathe us back.
  • If we are critical and judgmental of ourselves, we will draw to ourselves people who criticize and condemn us.

Got the picture?  This is a really hard truth to have to take a look at because it invites us to hold the mirror up to ourselves and ask the question, “What in me needs to be healed so that I can be open to external life experiences that are more kind, loving, tender, supportive, etc.?”

Accepting the Invitation to Growth

But what is cool about taking a look in that mirror is that we CAN heal and be transformed.  As we do the tough inner work of naming and giving up for healing our spiritual, emotional and mental wounds, we find greater balance, a deeper sense of wholeness, we become more content, peaceful, joyful and loving…..AND…..our external life experiences begin to reflect that.  We meet new people, cultivate new relationships, are given different professional opportunities that now reflect our healthier inner state, and that is really cool!  We also learn to say “no” to those things that are no longer reflective of the love and support that we now know we deserve.

Pop Culture Theology of Blame

As we begin to explore how our outer experiences reflect our inner terrain, there is one great temptation, however, and that is the temptation to blame.  “It is my fault if I don’t have loving supportive relationships around me.  I must be carrying the wrong thoughts, holding the wrong intention, etc. if all my life experiences are not reflective of peaceful contentment, joy and abundance.”  And, there are many so-called “spiritual” resources out there that will tell you just that.  The good news is that this is not really how it works.  Yes, our outer life is reflective of what is going on inside, AND there IS such a thing as Divine Timing and Divine Intervention.

Divine Intervention

So, let’s say that we feel really crappy about ourselves and observe that many of our relationships or life experiences reflect that.  HOWEVER… seems there is always someone or something that breaks the rule…..that stands out as an amazing source of support, nurturing, validation, when everything else around us seems to suck.  I have had many situations where someone came into my life and allowed me to see that something other than what I have known was possible.  These people have shown up as teachers, bosses, authors of books that have fallen into my lap, even people showing up in dreams to show me that there is another way, another path and another choice.  I didn’t “think the right thoughts” to get these people to show up….something else drew them to me……AND  I had to be open enough to see the message and receive it.

Divine Timing

Yeah, sometimes we do not get what we want when we want it.  We might think all the right thoughts, work our butts off to heal our old wounds, etc….and still peaceful contentment, joy, love, the supportive job, partner, etc. eludes us.  The pop-culture theology of blame would then have us to back, re-examine EVERY thought, intention, desire, exhume our wounds and look for what is left to heal, then go about working harder on ourselves.  But guess what….sometimes it is simply a matter of TIMING.  Something bigger than ourselves knows what is in our highest good and knows WHEN it is best for us to receive it.  Our job….to do the work, but to wait and trust that the fruits of the labor will show up in PERFECT DIVINE timing.  Not an easy task in an immediate gratification culture!

The Invitation:

The invitation, then, if we want a more contented, joyful, loving life?

  • Do the work of healing our inner selves
  • Be open to the outward transformation that will take place as a result of this work
  • Grieve the losses of those things that will naturally fall away (as they are no longer supportive of the “new you”)
  • Be open to Divine Intervention
  • Surrender to Divine Timing

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

Posted in Empowerment, Healing, Spiritual Practices

Recapitulation – Calling Back the Lost Parts of Ourselves

Yesterday I mentioned the spiritual practice of Recapitulation. In today’s blog, I will explore this practice and how we might all be able to apply this to our own journeys of spiritual growth and spiritual healing.

Not an Expert

I want to state right off the bat, the idea and practice of recapitulation is new to me, so I am in no way an expert in this process.  I wish merely to share with you my own personal experience with this process and point you toward resources that may be helpful to you if you feel called to incorporate this process into your own spiritual journey.  (Wheel of Initiation by Julie Tallard Johnson is one such resource!)

What is Recapitulation

Recapitulation is a spiritual practice through which we name and reclaim the lost parts of ourselves.  Specifically, it is about calling back the energy that we have lost to specific emotional dynamics or agreements.   Recapitulation as a spiritual practice comes to us through the Toltec traditions of Mesoamerica.  Through the recapitulation process we intentionally, consciously, meditatively and ritually name all the places our emotional energy has been taken away and we invite that energy to return to us so that it can be redirected toward positive, life-giving intentions and activities.  Recapitulation acts as a vehicle through which we are able to be more fully restored to our highest and most original nature and be empowered to live more authentically and enjoy greater inner freedom.

My Recapitulation

The opportunity for recapitulation came for me on the heels of the atomic explosion I mentioned in yesterday’s blog.  I experienced a HUGE conflict and had to face my part in the devastation.  After the dust settled, I named and took responsibility for my role in the drama.  After doing so, it struck me that some recapitulation may be in order…I just didn’t know what was being recapitulated (reclaimed).  Well, yesterday it showed up.  It became apparent to me that the place where I lost my emotional energy in the atomic explosion was around the idea of punishment. Specifically, I realized that I had been punished for expressing my truth.  Once I was able to identify this energy sucker, an entire parade presented itself before me of all the times in my life where I had been punished for speaking my truth.  Here are just a few:

  • When I challenged Fr. Doyle for his belief that priests got to go to heaven before “the rest of us” simply because of their ordination.  He changed my A+ to a C for challenging him.
  • When I dared to sponsor a class on Christian Zen meditation in a building owned by the Church.
  • When 7 people came to a class I was teaching on the Lord’s Prayer with the intent to attack me personally and sabotage the class.
  • When I tried to share Reiki as part of my ministry in the Catholic Church.

These are just a few examples from my professional life, and there are many more like them from my personal life as well.

The Process

Now that I had identified the energy sucker, I could begin the process of recapitulation.  The cornerstone of the process is the intention itself.  What is the intention I wanted to set for my recapitulation?  Here is what I came up with:

“I am getting my energy back from all the times I was punished for speaking my truth”

Then through a process of visualization, connecting with Source and intentional breathing, (yogic breathing works here), I was invited to imagine all the places (or at least the ones I could remember) where I had been punished for speaking my truth.  Then I was to invite the energy lost to those punishing experiences back into my own body.  After calling the energy back, I was then invited to state a purpose for all of this reclaimed energy.  This was the purpose I established:

I redirect this reclaimed energy to fuel my creative gifts and projects.


For you see, this is what recapitulation is all about in the first place.  When we lose our energy to emotional dynamics or agreements, we are deprived of the energy that we need to support our highest self and our purpose for being here.  When we reclaim that lost energy, we get it back to fuel the things that are life-giving and supportive to our higher purpose.  How cool is that!!!!!?????


To what emotional dynamics and agreements have you lost energy?

How are you being invited to call that back?

How might you explore a formal process of recapitulation (see Julie’s book!) to support you in your own journey of spiritual empowerment?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

Posted in Freedom, Healing, teachers

I Receive Everything as Love

This weekend, I attended the Wheel of Initiation workshop created and facilitated by author, Julie Tallard Johnson who I am humbled to call my teacher, mentor and friend. The workshop provided an introduction to the process that Julie has shared with hundreds of people through her year-long initiation course, and is now available through her book, Wheel of Initiation published this fall through Inner Traditions.  Along with the other workshop participants, I had the opportunity to name what Julie would call my “pain story,” and be open to claiming a specific intention for healing and releasing this story as a process of spiritual initiation and transformation.  I share this with you in today’s blog.

Pain Story

Since I have made a vow to be as transparent and open as possible through this blog (without infringing upon your boundaries!), I have to make a confession.  I have a pain story and it has taken me until the ripe old age of 46 to truly name, claim and be willing to let it go.  My pain story is rejection. I don’t know exactly how, where, when or why it happened, but somewhere in my journey, I agreed to perceive and receive my life experience through the lens of rejection. By entering into this agreement, I got to receive every word said to me, every action done to me, every encounter as some form of possible rejection.

The Payoff

Here are a few examples of how this lens of rejection has operated for me:  If a teacher did not call on me, it meant he was rejecting me.  When it became obvious that I was not good at sports it meant I was no longer loved by my classmates.  If someone acknowledged changes to my teenage body, it meant they were rejecting me.  If someone questioned by theology or religious beliefs and it was determined that we differed in our beliefs, then I was being rejected by them.  Living in the lens of rejection has allowed me to be the victim and to cultivate a “me and them” defense mechanism where those I have perceived as rejecting me become the enemy and I become the misunderstood martyr.

The drawbacks

While agreeing to the pain story of rejection has served me on some level, I also have to acknowledge the ways in which it has held me back in my journey.  As a teenager and young adult, living from this perspective seriously limited my ability to enter into healthy, intimate relationships.  Living from this lens caused me to be rigid in my beliefs, opinionated and frankly, obnoxious.  I spent most of my time living in the tension of some sort of defensive anger, always on the lookout for the next person or opportunity where I would be rejected.  In truth, while this perception of rejection served me on some level and kept me safe from something… the end, it has only hurt me.  The good news is that I now get to make another choice.

Setting my intention

The focus of the workshop I attended this weekend allowed me the opportunity to name this pain story and to be open to making a new agreement.  We were invited to let go of our pain story and embrace a new agreement, an intention that will prove to bring healing and release to our pain stories, while opening us up to a life that is a freer expression of our most authentic selves.   The intention presented itself to me is the following:

I Receive Everything as Love


Transformation through Intention

Just sitting in the energy of this intention has been a powerful thing for me.   For me, this intention changes EVERYTHING!  It changes how I have seen the world.  It changes all those things I have perceived as hurtful, rejecting, etc.  It opens me up to seeing life through a different lens.  So, today, I enter into the Wheel of Initiation and allow myself to be open to all the ways in which this new agreement will transform me and my experience of life.  And I offer a profound prayer of gratitude to Julie Tallard Johnson for facilitating this intention and for providing through her course and her book the vehicle through which this intention can take root and grow into my life!


What has been your pain story?

What agreement have you entered into that my no longer be serving you?

How might you be open to allowing that to be transformed?

What might be the intention that can heal your pain story and allow you to live more freely?


Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries