Posted in Relationships, women

The Divine Feminine’s Lament

The Divine Feminine’s Lament

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Original Art by Lauri Ann Lumby

Across lifetimes we have journeyed.
Between dimensions we have travelled.
Together building universes
Until Fear tore us apart.
For eons we’ve sought our reunion…
And for a brief moment we met.
For that brief moment I had hope.
I opened the door to loving you –
Not the man cloaked in glamour,
But the man behind the mask.
Naked, vulnerable and made impotent by a competitive and hostile world.
In that brief moment I saw you –
My Beloved.
But just as quickly you were gone.
And my heart was once again torn in two.

Posted in About Lauri, Beloved Partnership, codependency, happily ever after, Mary Magdalene, Relationships

My Secret Pain – the Call of Beloved Partnership

It is said that “the truth shall set you free.” I have continued to find this to be true.  But knowing that in expressing our truth we shall find freedom and actually expressing our truth are two different things, especially when expressing those truths leaves you naked and vulnerable in the face of an often cold and cruel world.  But, it is also said, “No pain, no gain.”  So……here goes.

I have a truth that I have carefully guarded and kept very close to my heart, revealing this secret to only a select few. The truth is that I am called to Beloved Partnership.

Click on the image above to read about Mary Magdalene and the call to Beloved Partnership.

What I have come to understand is that being called to Beloved Partnership is a Divine calling and one that cannot be fulfilled until we are reunited with our other half. Being a Beloved Partner differs from co-dependency in that it is not about looking for someone to complete us.  Instead, it is about a shared energy that compels both to seek after their own wholeness, spiritually igniting each other in mutual and shared growth until they reach the point when they are meant to come together in Divine and Holy Partnership – the kind of partnership that is Divinely ordained and which no one can tear asunder.

I am a Beloved Partner and on some level, I have known this my whole life. Since my earliest memory, I have known what my Beloved feels like.  I have felt/known his presence around me.  I have heard him calling me and have experienced the promise of our union.  I have looked for him and thought I had found him in others, only and always learning that “this is not him.”  (That is not to say there hasn’t been value in all the relationships that in the end proved not to be my Twin.)

Until 2004-ish, my Beloved has only been known to me in the energy of promise and potential. I had an idea in my head and a sense of what should be, but nothing concrete to base it on.  Then came the vision that CHANGED MY LIFE.  In short – I SAW HIM!  I saw him and I felt him.  More importantly, I experienced what it feels like to be in his presence and to have him look into my eyes.  The experience was one of pure adoration and love – the likes of which I had never experienced before.

For 13 years, I have carried this experience with me, allowing it to guide and direct my life. It started with looking for this love outside of me.  When these efforts proved fruitless, I sought this love in God which then brought me into myself.  I have diligently tended to the unhealed wounds and unacknowledged fears within me that have been blocking my ability to know the love that I am as a child of the Divine – all the while feeling and knowing the presence of “My Beloved” in this journey with me.

Doesn’t that sound lovely? I see/feel the experience of being adored.  It compels me on a profound journey of personal growth.  It helps to lead me in the direction of my life purpose.  But….the truth is that the journey of Beloved Partnership SUCKS!  It sucks BAD….and here’s why.

Think of it this way. How many people do you know who are happy and content in a “just ok” relationship because it feels safe, secure, known, etc.  Alternatively, how many people do you know who are happy just dating and sleeping around – enjoying the play of a casual relationship without any of the responsibility?  Beloved Partners cannot do any of these thing!  None of these paths have been an option for me and when I have tried, I have gotten my ass handed to me.  With the calling of a Beloved Partnership, I have learned I can be content with nothing but this.

Here then is the rub: For one called to Beloved Partnership, until that partnership is realized, there will always be a feeling of discontent, a deep feeling that there is something very wrong with our lives, and our Divine calling will not be completely fulfilled.  When the Divine calling is not fulfilled, we are left with a nagging feeling of frustration, impatience, even anger and resentment of that something that is missing from our lives.

Here is the other rub: there is literally NOTHING we can do about what is “wrong” with our lives.  Oh yes, there are all kinds of books and courses on how to “call in the one,” but in my experience none of these work.  Yes, we can prepare a space for our Beloved.  Yes, we can do the critical work of healing our woundedness and becoming whole within ourselves.  We can go out there and try on different relationship experiences.  But at the end of the day, the arrival of our Beloved, as it is Divine ordained, is simply a matter of Divine timing.  In the meantime, we are left with an aching pain of vacancy in the center of our Soul where the knowledge of our calling to Beloved Partnership resides, along with the pain of knowing that until we are united there will be a critical part of our Soul’s purpose that cannot be fulfilled.

While there is nothing we can do to make reunion with our Beloved happen, we can create a space in our lives by working on our own journey toward wholeness. My book, Happily Ever After, is one resource to help support you in this task. 

Click on image above to purchase on



Posted in Being Human

Let’s Talk About Love

I have decided that love is a mystery.  In today’s blog I wave the flag of surrender – surrendering to my complete ignorance and hoping someone can enlighten me. 

Lover and Beloved by Toni Carmine Salerno


Of late, my thoughts have turned to love.  Love is a mystery that confounds me more and more every day and at this point, I am stepping into the ring and waving the white flag of surrender that says, I KNOW NOTHING!

Fairytales and Happily Ever After

As a child, I grew up with the typical message sold to little girls, There is a handsome prince who is going to sweep you off your feet and take you to your happily ever after.  Well, after marrying the knight in shining armor who I thought had come to my emotional rescue and having that end in miserable ever after  (not really, but that sounded dramatic didn’t it?), I decided to put the fairytales on the shelf.  I decided these were stupid stories sold to little girls and boys to imprison them in the illusion of love as a commodity and as a way to manipulate us into spending our lives trying to please others.  Fairytales and Happily Ever After are lies I boldly declared.  And “You complete me” is the most dangerous movie line of all time!  (curse you Jerry MacGuire)

Enter my Zen Garden said the Spider to the Fly

After setting the fairytale stories aside (while still secretly longing for them to be true), I decided to explore other thoughts, beliefs, etc. about love.  Long story short, I came to the conclusion that love is something that can only be found within and that the best we can do is reflect the love we know ourselves to be; that love is not something that we can “get” from another human being and that it does not have to be earned and cannot be taken away.  Our very nature is love and we are invited to remember this love so that we can reflect that love to eachother.  In the context of relationship, these beliefs about love expand our ability to hold others in the space of compassion – accepting them for who they are without expecting anything more. It also suggests that love is a matter of choice – that we choose to reflect love to another human being because we are so grounded in the love that we are.  While I was holding my mala beads in quiet contemplation and getting beat upside the head with the bamboo of humanness, I discovered that there is a problem with this theory about love. This theory of love ignores the deep human desire to love and to be loved in return.

Chemistry?  Love at First Sight?  WTH?

As I sit in these quandaries about love, I have also been invited to ponder the possibility that there might be some truth to the fairytale stuff.  ARGH!  Is there something about chemistry, love at first sight, pheromones?  Is there something invisible to the human eye that makes one person fall in love with another or prevents this love from ever taking root?  Is there something that creates a spark that stirs the pot of infatuation and keeps the fire burning after infatuation has died away?   Is there something beyond a list of similar interests, common goals and values, shared intellect and complementary temperments, physical attraction and compatibility that is required to create and support and enduring love?  Is there something to the idea of soulmates and twinflames?   My Zen master would say that this is all illusion.  My heart wonders if there is something more.