Posted in About Lauri, God, Oneness with God, Surrender

Only God – The Practice of Radical Self-Reliance

Today’s blog is a deeply personal sharing of a spiritual practice that I have been invited into. It is a practice that has been whispering in my ear for the past several months and only now am I able and willing to accept it.  (Of course I was only willing after being brought to my knees….but that is another story for another day.)

This is a practice of radical self-reliance where I am being invited to release my attachments to all those persons, places, things outside of me where I have sought after guidance, support and love.  In this, there is only one thing left, and that is God.

God and me. Me and God.

As I enter into this practice, I am astonished by all the causes of distraction in my life – all those things I have run to in an attempt to escape the deep pain of everything: loneliness, boredom, isolation, feelings of lack, anxiety, depression, fear, anger, resentment, wrath, lusting after control, the desire for recognition and fame, money, status, power, etc., etc., etc.,.  It’s all there.  And it’s present in everything.  In this practice, I am making a diligent attempt to turn away from each and every one of these distractions so that I can simply be with God.

God and me. Me and God.

In this, I have released every resource I have turned to for guidance. I have let go of everything that promises better days ahead and makes predictions about where we are and where we are headed.  I have let go of the black hole of Facebook except when necessary for personal or professional purposes.  I am continuing to stay away from the fear-based media.  I have ceased making plans, setting agenda, creating itineraries.  I have let go of the compulsive need to frequently check emails hoping for some nicer, brighter news.  In this, all that is left is Me and God In THIS MOMENT.  When I find myself tempted to indulge in these externals, I STOP and turn within to God.

Me and God. God and Me.

As Saints Paul and Augustine both observed, our hearts are ever restless until we rest in God……and rest in God alone. I guess you could say I am testing their theory.

 

 

Posted in About Lauri, Being Human, God, introverts, Mystics, Oneness with God, Ponderings, Relationships, Spiritual Direction, Surrender

Only God

a personal reflection by Lauri Ann Lumby

This morning’s blog is coming from a deeply personal place and arising out of a place of fragmented vulnerability….so apologies ahead of time for momentary incoherence. 😉

image credit: www.checorreaphotography.com

2017 has been quite an interesting year so far. The most exciting things have been my soul-discovering trip to Ireland and the “new” things that are beginning to be birthed in my world including a promising business partnership and a burgeoning Magdalene Priestess Training program!

Playing a much more central role in 2017, however, has been the ever deepening and every widening journey of LETTING GO! It seems everywhere I turn I am being invited to let go of that which I used to turn to as a source of familiarity, routine, surety, security and support.  It seems I can’t take a single step without being confronted with something asking for release.  This release has included the need to redefine relationships (the nature of, my expectations or hopes around, boundaries, etc.), to let go of certain hopes and dreams; and more materially, facing the need to find new housing and buy a new car.  The whispering threat under all of this letting go is, “And HOW are you going to pay for that?????”  UGH!

As it all came to a head this past weekend with the resurfacing of my deepest core wound and its source, I knew that the letting go was not about letting go, but was in fact about letting in. Specifically – letting God in.

In this realization, I must give credit and gratitude to my experience as a Spiritual Director (and a mystic). If I did not have the awareness of what the Divine call looks like, I would have been in much more despair than I have been (believe me, I’ve spent many hours on the couch wallowing in my grief, despair and perceived helplessness) and not known where to turn or how to make sense of every rug being pulled out from beneath my feet.  God isn’t an asshole (though sometimes it feels like “He” is.).  When we are being invited to let go….it is always for the purpose of letting in.

So, what does it mean when life is inviting us to release EVERYTHING upon which we have previously based our lives and EVERYTHING we formerly turned to as a source of hope and support? It means that life is supporting us in knowing that in the end, there is ONLY God.  Everything that we know of in our human experience is fleeting and temporary – relationships, jobs, homes, cars, money, belongings, our health and wellbeing, life itself.  It is all temporary and in the end, it all passes away.  When all has passed away….what is left is God.  Me and God.  God and me.  And when Lauri Ann Lumby is no longer, there is only God.

I am also grateful for my spiritual director, Leanore, who supported me yesterday in verbalizing my awareness and affirming the invitation. The purpose of all this letting go is so that I can let God in – to let God in on an even deeper level than I have ever done before.  To let God in so that I might know a deeper experience of God’s love.  To know God as my source of support.  To surrender into God’s hands knowing and trusting that God is carrying me to exactly where I need to be.  Most importantly of all….to do what I tell everyone of my students to do – to make God the number one priority of my life, to give all my energy and attention to God, to be open to receiving and being compelled and empowered by God’s love.  It is not about the temporary and fleeting things of this world, it is about God…..and only about God.

In closing, I want to share these words from Stephanie Azaria’s daily post (quoting one of her writers, Marie DesRoches at www.thecosmicpath.com.  If this isn’t God speaking to me, I don’t know what is:

In 3D I used to “think” of surrender as giving up my way and “doing” what God wanted.  In 5D I Align WITH the God That I Am and allow myself to BE all that I AM – expressing, moving, choosing, loving, breathing, WITH and IN that Presence.”