Posted in shadow work, women

Beware of the Witch Collectors!

This one is for my sister-witches (and brothers – for what I will say of my sister witches, is also true for my brother witches). When I use the term “witch” I’m referring to all the powerful women I know who have harnessed the infinite power within themselves and who are using this power to support their own life mission of being in service to the betterment of our world.  These are women who are strong, independent, confident (albeit sometimes insecure – only because they have rarely been supported or affirmed in their gifts), intuitive, empathic, teachers, healers, leaders and behind the scene witches.  These are the women who have been with us throughout eternity and who have been ridiculed, condemned, even killed for their magical gifts.  Fortunately we are no longer in the “burning times” but that doesn’t mean that today’s witches are free from danger.  In fact, the dangers we face today are even more subtle and insidious than the dangers we faced during the witch trials and the inquisition.  Today I wish to speak of one specific danger that faces all women of power today – and that is of what I like to call the “Witch Collectors.”

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Witch Collectors can come in any gender, but I have most often encountered them in men. These are men (or women) who appear powerful, confident, strong, self-assured; perhaps even a bit arrogant.  They are often physically attractive and lure people in with their charm.  At first they seem sincere, trustworthy and of integrity, but it is all a ruse.  What they show to the world is an illusion for what hides behind the mask is a succubus – one who is not strong at all, but terribly insecure and lacking in inner power.

Motivated by a deep sense of emptiness and vacancy, Witch Collectors are compelled to seek out and then draw in those of power (especially witches) so they can suck them dry. In the world of psychology, these people are often called narcissists, but in my experience, their “condition” moves far beyond that of a borderline personality disorder. Unlike narcissists, Witch Collectors desire more than power and control.  Witch Collectors literally feed on the life-force energy of the powerful woman (or man) they have drawn into their clutches, thereby draining them of their power, falsely believing that as they drain the witch of her power, his own power is increasing.  The problem with this “relationship” is that the Witch Collector is never satisfied – can never be satisfied – as there is no amount of “witch power” that can fill a vacant hole.  They may feel temporary satisfaction from the energy they have drained, but the emptiness within a Witch Collector is like a black hole – infinitely empty and impossible to fill.  As long as the relationship continues between witch collector and witch, the witch collector will feed and the witch will feel drained –unable to harness the fullness of her power and to use that power for good.

Identifying a witch collector is tricky business, especially if you are a woman who is still nursing the wounds of the unholy masculine. In a culture which has been ruled for the past 5000 years by the unholy masculine (fear, power and control), most of us harbor this wound.  As a result, we long to be seen, heard, acknowledged and supported in the use of our gifts.  When we find the rare (in this case) man who celebrates our gifts – who speaks our language – we are thrilled.  Titillated actually!  In our excitement, we are tempted to set aside our shield of caution and discernment gets tossed to the wind.  We enthusiastically enter into the web, blind to the true motivation of their seduction.  This is how seduction works, speaking to our insecurities, fears and unhealed wounds, which then causes us to put down our guard.  Then the “witch hunter” moves in for the “kill.”  Or rather – the slow kill…..as that is how Witch Collectors work – slowly and subtly draining us of our life force energy – often the point where we find ourselves clinically depressed and unable to function.

But there is hope dear sisters for today I am calling them out! I am calling out all witch collectors and in doing so, giving you permission to recognize the witch collectors who have crossed your path or who may, in fact, still be part of your life.  See them for who and what they are – parasites intent on draining you of your magical powers.  The great news is that once you are able to identify the “demon” it no longer has power over you!  Say NO to their seductions and their ministrations.  STOP being the host for their insatiable desire for power.  Remember that in truth, they HAVE NO POWER.  You are the one with the power and it is your power they seek to possess.  See them.  Say no to them.  Cut them off from their food-source.  And then watch them slink away.  This is what I have found in my own experience with witch collectors – once they know they are being seen for who they truly are, once we refuse to let them take our power, once we say NO to their seductions, they simply slink away and go off in search of their next victim.  Buh Bye….and good riddance!

 

Be supported and empowered in your inherently magical gifts through the Magdalene Priestess Training.  Learn more by clicking on the image below:  

 

 

Posted in Inspiration, mental illness

Married to a Narcissist?

It seems like every day another person crosses my path who is looking for support in recovering from being in a relationship with a narcissist. Whether the narcissist was their parent, boy or girlfriend, wife or husband, or boss, it seems that the number of people suffering the after-effects of being in a relationship with a narcissist is epidemic!

(If you believe you might be one of those who has suffered from being in a relationship with a narcissist, learn more HERE.)

In my experience working with those who have been in a relationship with a narcissist, there are two kinds of narcissists – those who were likely abused themselves and who are suffering from an extreme case of arrested development and who are narcissistic in their behaviors, but not necessarily intentionally cruel. Then there are those who are true sociopaths and who engage in their narcissistic behaviors so as to purposefully do harm to another person.  Narcissism is a clinically defined mental illness which unfortunately, is difficult to diagnose because narcissists are masters of disguise.

Narcissists, usually because of a very deep inferiority complex, likely unknown to them, create an external persona that they present to the world and that they have convinced themselves is their truth. Only those closest to the narcissist, or the unwitting and innocent victims of the narcissist’s truth when it comes out sideways, are the wiser.  To everyone else, the narcissist is the kindest, most generous, thoughtful, helpful and supportive person on the planet.  To the innocent, narcissists are nothing if not charming!  To those who have been caught in their web, the narcissist is a monster.

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It has been said that there are three stages of being in a relationship with a narcissist – idealize, devalue, discard. Narcissists are magnetically charming to those they are trying to bring into their web.  They will convince you and others that you are the greatest thing since sliced bread.  You rock their world and they have been waiting their whole life for a child, lover, employee, like you.  Typically, narcissists seek out those they know they can manipulate – typically those who are truly generous, kind, helpful, supportive and empathic.  Once they have charmed you into their web, the abuse begins.  Slowly, subtly, surely, the narcissist begins to devalue you, whittling away any sense of self-esteem, confidence and self-worth.  Everything you do is wrong.  Everything you say is wrong.  Nothing is good enough.  If you wake up and begin to take care of yourself, learning about the abuse you have been in and work on getting help, when you can no longer be manipulated by the narcissist, they start to look elsewhere for their “supply.”  (narcissists are parasites, succubi who “feed” on other people’s kindness, goodness, generosity, etc.) Once they have found someone else to manipulate, then you will be discarded….left with what remains of your soul (if there is any left), and wondering what the hell happened.

Narcissist cannot be cured because they do not believe there is anything wrong with them. (a “cure” is only possible when the narcissist admits they have a problem and are willing to do the work of stripping off the mask to unveil the vulnerable truth within and then work to heal those vulnerabilities, unhealed wounds, etc.) To themselves and those who do not know their truth, narcissists are perfect.  They are the masters of their destiny.  Everyone loves them.  At least that is what they believe (and what they want others to believe).  Only you (and others who have seen the truth behind the mask) know differently.

Recovering from a relationship with a narcissist is not easy. First, one has to realize that the symptoms of narcissistic abuse are akin to PTSD and require the same kind of support.  A combination of therapy, trauma release (EMDR, Brainspotting  and SEVA Acupressure have all been shown to be effective in releasing the effects of trauma) and medication may prove helpful.  Secondly, in recovering from a relationship with a narcissist, one has to accept  all the things they cannot and will never be able to heal or change in the relationship:

  • An active narcissist will never admit they are wrong or at fault and will never say they are sorry.
  • A narcissist will never let you win. If you were married, plan that you will be financially devastated and never get your “fair share” of the assets, etc.  Know that it will take years to rebuild after leaving a narcissist and that you will probably have to go into debt to get there.
  • The narcissist will never stop trying to manipulate and control you. In their eyes, you will always be wrong and everything you are doing will be wrong.  (For the sake of your own mental wellbeing, ZERO contact is recommended when leaving a relationship with a narcissist.  If zero-contact is not possible, then minimal contact is advised).
  • If you try to defend yourself, speak your truth, ask for what you deserve, the narcissist will retaliate. You will not be heard, you will not get what you want and the narcissist will use what they know about your vulnerabilities to reduce you to nothing for trying to name and claim your needs, your opinion, or assert your value.

In short, with a narcissist you can never win (not in the way that winning is measured in our culture anyway).

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But, there is karma. There is justice.  And the Truth always wins out in the end.

In the end, the narcissist will always dig their own grave. Truth cannot remain hidden forever and the narcissist will eventually be found out for who they truly are.  The narcissist can only create so much carnage before others become wise.  Their “success” begins to fail. Their “fame” begins to fade.  Their charm no longer works because too many people have viewed the carnage in their wake.  While this does not heal the pain of being in a relationship with a narcissist, it does provide a measure of comfort in knowing that truth will win out in the end.

And, you will be the ultimate victor for having the courage, stamina, self-love and tenacity to successfully leave, unravel from and heal after being in a relationship with a narcissist.

If you are or have been in a relationship with a narcissist, please seek outside support in dealing with and unraveling from the relationship. Seek out mental health professionals, a good attorney and financial advisor to help you in unraveling and recovering.  Narcissistic abuse is real and if you have suffered from this, please get help! 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Healing, Inspiration

Recovering from Abuse

In the twenty years that I have been in the ministry of spiritual direction/spiritual counseling, I have journeyed with many men and women who have survived abusive relationships, including being married to a narcissist.  This essay is for you! 

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Consequences

 

Nobody warns you of the consequences of being married to an abuser.  The price, I have learned, is nothing less than your Soul.  The voice of your inner truth – silenced.  Your hopes and dreams, snuffed out.  All the things that make your heart sing, torn from your grasp and crushed under a steel-toed boot.  No regard for your hopes and dreams, your needs falling on deaf ears. In the home that you share, there is no room for you, your dreams, your needs, your aesthetics. Instead, the abuser somehow takes up ALL THE SPACE.

The abuser doesn’t care about what you want, who you are, what you might need to thrive, let alone survive –   the consideration only of themselves and how you might serve them.  A trophy, housekeeper, business manager, bookkeeper, accountant, cook, parent to their children (so they don’t have to parent), sex toy, all under the guise of “loving support,” with nothing there for you. Your dreams, desires, hopes, needs are unimportant you know, as you are only there to serve them.  But never, not once, is there a word of gratitude or kindness.  Instead, you’re too fat, you’re ugly, frigid and asexual, the house isn’t clean enough, the yard not pretty enough, your clothes aren’t right, your beliefs and dreams are stupid, and how dare you ask for a teenie tiny crumb of anything for yourself and if you dare to ask, you can bet you will be punished.

There really ought to be a diagnosis in the DSM: “survivor of being married to an abuser,” so that there can be some sort of coverage for recovery work and supplemental income while you try to get your life back together – for recovery from these kinds of relationships is akin to trying to survive while walking on the sun.