Many moons ago, I thought I knew. I thought I knew and understood the workings of the world. I believed in God. Jesus was my teacher. I wasn’t really sure about the whole thing about hell, but I definitely believed in heaven. I thought there was a distinct line between right and wrong and that life functioned in absolutes (kind of but not really….which is why I kept getting in trouble with the priests.) I believed that Jesus lived, died and rose from the dead. I even believed that the “fullness of redemption” was in the Catholic Church (how silly of me!).
As I grew and began to explore my beliefs, my theology, my spirituality, myself, my beliefs began to change. I no longer believed in a place called hell. I still believed in heaven, but longed for something more in this life. (Why did we have to die to meet God face to face?) While my beliefs were changing, I continued to cling to the idea that what I believed was absolutely true – at least for me. At this stage in my journey I was ok with others believing differently, but I still thought it was my job to convince some of my beliefs (especially the Institution of the Catholic Church), and that in some (many) cases there were some things that were just inherently wrong and that I knew what was right. (Again, how silly of me!)
Then, life taught me otherwise. Now, at the ripe young age of 54, I KNOW NOTHING. I don’t know a thing about (that which we call) God. I don’t truly know anything about Jesus – he sounds like he could have been a cool dude, but what evidence do we have that he was even real (so says the scientist in me)? I don’t know if there is a heaven – or a hell for that matter. I don’t even know if I’m real or if this is all just a dream!
I don’t know…..and I’m totally ok with that! I don’t need to know, because if there is one thing I have learned in this life, NOTHING is certain. Nothing. Not even my own discernment, sense of right and wrong, or my “calling” to serve the cause of love. I don’t even know if my own beliefs are true as it is quite possible that everything I think I know I simply made up to make myself feel better. And, I’m totally ok with that too.
Why? Because it does not matter. I no longer care what is real or not, what is truth or not because I am no longer clinging to the need to know in a world that is anything but predictable or even definable. I know nothing. And that’s ok. I’m also totally ok with whatever you want to believe and I have no need to convince you otherwise.
There is freedom in not knowing. I no longer need to convince. I no longer need to change things. I no longer need to stand on my soapbox waiting for “the other” to agree with my ideas, philosophies, or beliefs. I am ok with being me and I’m ok with you being you. And if you need to be “right” – that is ok too. It is a natural human desire to want to KNOW – to be able to define, explain, make sense of the human condition and to be sure that our own knowledge is right. Knowing gives us a perceived sense of safety and surety in a world that is everything but. Knowing that at any minute Jupiter might tumble out of its orbit, pummel to earth and destroy us all makes us seek after something to hang on to – our beliefs, our philosophies, our theologies. We need what we think we know to be right because it makes us feel “safe” in an otherwise unsafe world.
But knowledge is an illusion. At the most basic core of who we are – WE DO NOT KNOW. We don’t know a single thing! When we understand this about life – realizing that life is uncertain and then become content in that uncertainty – we find peace. When we are no longer seeking after truth or clinging to our need to be right, we are free. We can let go and stop worrying about everyone else and what they do or do not believe. We are free to be ourselves. At the end of the day, this is (my belief) what we are here for…..or not. The choice is up to you!
Full content reserved for Plus, Premium and Premium-Plus Members. Click here to learn more on how you can become a member and enjoy the tools that have helped me in my own journey. Find an example of what is available in the full content HERE.