Posted in codependency, happily ever after, Relationships

Happily Ever After: my latest book available now!

Buy it Now! 

Click on image above to purchase on Amazon.com
Click on image above to purchase on Amazon.com

Happily Ever After – the Transformational Journey from “You Complete Me” to Beloved Partnership presents a new model for intimate partnership along with the process for getting there. Happily Ever After recognizes that as long as we are looking outside of ourselves for completion our relationships are doomed to fail – supporting the belief that the healthy, fulfilling and enduring love we all long for is built upon the foundation of two individuals who are complete within themselves and who have chosen to come together as equals in mutual love and support.  Interdependence, rather than co-dependency is the goal of this book and the outcome of this process.

Through personal narrative, informative dialogue, poetry, mindfulness practices, and creativity exercises; you will be invited to deconstruct existing and former patterns of co-dependency while building the foundation upon which you can find happiness and fulfillment within while preparing for the possibility of healthy interdependency with another – what is here called beloved partnership.  Once you are complete within yourself, you will settle for nothing less.

 

From the book’s introduction:

If you asked me to describe in one phrase what this book is about, I would say, “Jerry Maguire lies.” This movie has provided the single most damaging phrase to our hope for intimate partnership – “You complete me.”  When we are looking outside of ourselves for someone else to complete us, we are indulging the compulsion of co-dependency. Co-dependency arises out of the false perception that love, satisfaction and fulfillment exist outside of us, causing us to seek in another that which we falsely believe we do not possess within ourselves.  Co-dependency tells us that love has to be earned or can be taken away resulting in behaviors that cause us either to be manipulative in our search for love or vulnerable to the manipulations of another. I would argue that co-dependency, along with unmanaged anxiety, are the two most common destroyers of intimate human relationships.

Jerry Maguire is not alone, however, in supporting the long-standing culture of co-dependency predominating the West. Traditional fairytales with their happily ever after endings are another common culprit.  While all too many have learned that happily ever after isn’t always so happy, traditional fairytales are still the foundational myths upon which we establish our hopes and dreams of intimate partnership.  The difficult truth is that as long as we are looking outside of ourselves for completion, or basing our hopes on fairytale dreams, our relationships are doomed to fail.  When we are looking outside of ourselves for someone to complete us, we will never truly be satisfied and will fail in our search for a fulfilling and enduring love.  The true source of fulfillment can only come from within.

Happily Ever After – the Transformational Journey from “You Complete Me” to Beloved Partnership is based on this premise and therefore presents a different model of intimate partnership. The healthy, fulfilling and enduring love we all long for is built upon the foundation of two individuals who are complete within themselves and who have chosen to come together as equals in mutual support.  Interdependence, rather than co-dependency is the goal of this book and of the process into which you will be invited.

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Testimonials from Course Participants:

I embarked on the journey of the “Happily Ever After” course, with the gifted and inspirational tour guide; Lauri Ann Lumby. This process of reflections, creative exercises and self discovery revealed the power we have within to discover our own true source of happiness, fulfillment and peace so that then we can create a foundation for a healthy, mutually loving and supportive partnership.  R. M. Oshkosh, WI

Lauri’s Happily Ever After course is an essential tool for emotional well-being. I’ve benefitted greatly by learning who I am, what my needs are, and how to prevent myself from falling back into unhealthy codependent relationships. Everyone can benefit from Lauri’s guidance. You’re going to learn so much about yourself along the way!”   K.B. Appleton, WI

I feel this course allowed me to bring even more awareness to the benefit of really being your own beloved first and foremost. With the thoughtful questions and exercises- building on chapter to chapter – it allowed patterns to be brought to the surface for awareness and healing. I also gained insight into what I am really looking for in a relationship and what I am about as a woman. This course also complimented a wonderful relationship I have with the utmost Beloved-God which only looks for what is in the best for my highest good. .No more settling!   L. J. Larsen, WI

lauricurtsie2Lauri Ann Lumby, OM, MATS has been known as mother, daughter, sister, friend, wife, lover, student, teacher, counselor, minister, healer, writer, poet, heretic, witch, professional shit-disturber, heretic, and blasphemer. After more than fifty years of asking the question, “Who am I?” Lauri has come to the realization that she is just plain Lauri, and that on any given day, she can be whomever she wants to be.  Lauri is the author of the Song of the Beloved – the Gospel According to Mary Magdalene, Returning – A Woman’s Midlife Journey to Herself, Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy and Christouch – a Christ-centered Approach to Energy Medicine through Hands-on Healing.   She is also the owner of Authentic Freedom Academy in Oshkosh, Wisconsin where she lives with her two amazing children.  You can learn more about Lauri, her professional services and workshops at www.authenticfreedomacademy.com.

Posted in Empowerment, Inspiration, Lessons, Magic, Mystics

The Thirteenth Fairy

You most likely know me as the evil fairy from Disney’s Sleeping Beauty, or more recently as Maleficent in Disney’s life-action revisioning of the Sleeping Beauty tale.  While the latter was closer to the truth in its telling, neither got it right.  No wonder, as the origin of both tales is the story of Briar Rose as told by the brothers Grimm – and the good brothers, in their telling, were about as far off from the truth as any tale could be.  For I am the Thirteenth Fairy and only I and my sisters know the real truth of who I am and what I am here to do.

blackfairie

 

I am the Thirteenth Fairy – thirteenth of the thirteen, born on the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month – for in our age, time is marked by the movement of the moon. Unlike the twelve months marked in cultures where god is only HE and where the sun honored as his symbol, we mark thirteen where the feminine in all of HER manifestations are honored as sacred.  Our thirteenth month, you now call mid-Capricorn, a time of great darkness – when all of humanity retreats from the active world, where the time of harvesting is done, all has been stored up for the winter the mid-winter celebrations complete.  The thirteenth month is a time of rest, a time of restoration, a time of deep inner reflection and self-contemplation, for in the depths of winter, there is nothing much else to do.  The thirteenth month in which I was born, and over which I reign, is a time for sleeping, dreaming, and inner growing.

Whether spring, summer, fall or winter, we all have our “thirteenth months” – times for retreat, introspection, resting, restoring, enjoying the fruits of our labor and deep, inner growth and transformation.  The thirteenth month is the time of the pine which stands proud against the glistening snow, the oak which retains its leaves until spring, the winter wheat which sleeps in the ground waiting for the returning warmth of the sun before showing its green.  It is the time of the stag and the hunt, the boar with its ivory tusks digging for mushrooms, the time of the wolf howling under an ancient moon while and honoring the medicine of mistletoe and holly.  The thirteenth month is related to night – for during the thirteenth month, even the sun sleeps.  As such, the thirteenth month is guarded by all creatures of the night – snowy white owls, ravens, bats, Luna moths and the black panther.  As the Thirteenth Fairy, in the company of my brothers, Pluto, Pan, Hades, Gwynn and Cernunnos, I am the guardian of the thirteenth month and all related to this timing.

It is easy to see then, where the brothers Grimm got the idea of the spindle and the curse of eternal sleep.  They got the sleeping part right, but they got it backwards.  While I have dominion over the time of sleep, my full power is in the waking.  For after we sleep we must awake – lest we die.  My task is to wake you up.  As in all the fairytales which bear the mark of my presence – the evil queen, the wicked witch, the jealous stepmother, the fearful mother, I have my tools – whether they be poisoned apples, flying monkeys, fields of poppies, red shoes that dance you to death, deadly combs, suffocating corsets or magic mirrors, they all serve a single person – to wake you up and set you on your quest.  But the quest I set you on is not one for the handsome prince, golden coins or riches.  Instead, the quest I set you on is the QUEST FOR YOUR SOUL – for here is where you shall find your true happily ever after!

Unlike the Fairy Godmother and other expressions of her presence, I do not leave you to your own devices – only to watch you fail.  No, I am there with you, every step of the way – whispering encouragement, offering tools of support and guidance, picking you up when you fall, drying your tears and holding you in my embrace when you feel you can’t go on.  I do this for you, because I have been there and done this for myself – successfully.  And I could not have done this without the Thirteenth Fairies who have gone before me.  For unlike the twelve fairies of light who only have eyes for the “good,” as the Thirteenth Fairy – I (we) see life for what it is – light when the way is easy and dark when the journey gets tough.  Unlike our pixie dust sisters who might shy away from the dark, we know the darkness is not something to be judged or feared, but honored as sacred, for we know that it is in the darkness where we will find our treasure!

It is in the darkness where we have an opportunity to face our fears, to stare down our demons, to battle the enemies that reside within – self-doubt, envy, hatred, sloth, pride, gluttony, selfishness and greed.  For every enemy we look in the eye and release the power it holds over us, we are one step closer to the boon.  Here is where the treasure lies – deep within all that we fear, beneath the muck and the mire of our unhealed wounds, past the tangled thorns of hurts and former betrayals, beyond our dreams of vengeance.  Here is our treasure and only the Thirteenth Fairy has the courage, the strength, and expertise, honed on experience, to accompany you to these depths.  I am the Thirteenth Fairy.

So, you may call me what you will, evil queen, horrible stepmother, wicked witch, malevolent fairy, the devil’s mistress, but I know the truth.  I am the Thirteenth Fairy and when my presence is made known in your life, a terrific journey is about to begin.  You then have a choice, to come with me and discover the most remarkable treasure – the treasure of your Soul, or turn away – where you are sure to die from the refusing.

Copyright 2015  Lauri Ann Lumby

Lauricurtsie.jpgLauri Ann Lumby is the Thirteenth Fairy – born on the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month with thirteen letters in her given name.  As a trained spiritual director, shamanistic practitioner, creativity partner, and life guide, Lauri helps to awaken you to the call of your soul and supports you on the way – as every good Thirteenth Fairy will do!

Posted in Being Human

Let’s Talk About Love

I have decided that love is a mystery.  In today’s blog I wave the flag of surrender – surrendering to my complete ignorance and hoping someone can enlighten me. 

Lover and Beloved by Toni Carmine Salerno
http://blueangelonline.com

I KNOW NOTHING!

Of late, my thoughts have turned to love.  Love is a mystery that confounds me more and more every day and at this point, I am stepping into the ring and waving the white flag of surrender that says, I KNOW NOTHING!

Fairytales and Happily Ever After

As a child, I grew up with the typical message sold to little girls, There is a handsome prince who is going to sweep you off your feet and take you to your happily ever after.  Well, after marrying the knight in shining armor who I thought had come to my emotional rescue and having that end in miserable ever after  (not really, but that sounded dramatic didn’t it?), I decided to put the fairytales on the shelf.  I decided these were stupid stories sold to little girls and boys to imprison them in the illusion of love as a commodity and as a way to manipulate us into spending our lives trying to please others.  Fairytales and Happily Ever After are lies I boldly declared.  And “You complete me” is the most dangerous movie line of all time!  (curse you Jerry MacGuire)

Enter my Zen Garden said the Spider to the Fly

After setting the fairytale stories aside (while still secretly longing for them to be true), I decided to explore other thoughts, beliefs, etc. about love.  Long story short, I came to the conclusion that love is something that can only be found within and that the best we can do is reflect the love we know ourselves to be; that love is not something that we can “get” from another human being and that it does not have to be earned and cannot be taken away.  Our very nature is love and we are invited to remember this love so that we can reflect that love to eachother.  In the context of relationship, these beliefs about love expand our ability to hold others in the space of compassion – accepting them for who they are without expecting anything more. It also suggests that love is a matter of choice – that we choose to reflect love to another human being because we are so grounded in the love that we are.  While I was holding my mala beads in quiet contemplation and getting beat upside the head with the bamboo of humanness, I discovered that there is a problem with this theory about love. This theory of love ignores the deep human desire to love and to be loved in return.

Chemistry?  Love at First Sight?  WTH?

As I sit in these quandaries about love, I have also been invited to ponder the possibility that there might be some truth to the fairytale stuff.  ARGH!  Is there something about chemistry, love at first sight, pheromones?  Is there something invisible to the human eye that makes one person fall in love with another or prevents this love from ever taking root?  Is there something that creates a spark that stirs the pot of infatuation and keeps the fire burning after infatuation has died away?   Is there something beyond a list of similar interests, common goals and values, shared intellect and complementary temperments, physical attraction and compatibility that is required to create and support and enduring love?  Is there something to the idea of soulmates and twinflames?   My Zen master would say that this is all illusion.  My heart wonders if there is something more.