Posted in Being Human, Lessons, shame

Hate Hangover – getting to know our shadow

Today’s blog explores the relationship between our soul’s purpose and its direct opposite, our soul shadow.  In the human journey, the goal is to bring both into the light so that they may be fully integrated, bringing us into the realization of our greatest potential.

Soul’s Purpose

One day I asked God what my soul’s purpose was and this was God’s immediate answer:

Love

My job is to know the love that I am and to be this love in the world.  Additionally, my job is to be open to knowing the love that others are and to receive that love openly and humbly.  Since receiving this revelation, I have directed my work and my life toward being love and toward helping others remember the love that they are.  This “work” takes many forms from the professional work that I get “paid” to do, to simply being love in every encounter where love is possible.

Soul’s shadow

hatred

Now before you get all excited about “Oh yeah…..another story of some la-la lightworker who flits and floats around being love to everyone she meets…smiling and floating around on gossamer wings sprinkling love dust all over the world, perfect in every way, never experiencing the reality of humanness, never thinking bad thoughts or doing bad things, some holier-than thou airy-fairy-new age hippie leftover”  WRONG!  Wrong!  Wrong!  Because on the opposite side of all this love…..the love I’m trying to remember within myself and trying to help others remember is a HUGE BALL OF HATE!  This HATE is so huge that it startles me when it shows up and I am frightened by its power and the way it consumes me in spite of my efforts to love and to be the “perfect” loving and forgiving angel I want to be.  (ok, I admit, maybe I don’t really want to be so perfect….in fact since perfectionism is one of my demons, I’m pretty sure that striving for perfection is self-destructive rather than supportive of personal growth.)  I digress…..

The Soul’s Integration

The goal of the human journey, is NOT to be perfect.  As much as the strive toward perfect is my demon, it is yours and the rest of humanity with us.  In fact, the more we try to be “perfect” (ie:  always loving in every thing and every way), the more our shadow will try to get our attention.  And the harder we push our shadow away (in my case, hatred), the harder it will work to be known, and if we continue to ignore it, it will start coming out sideways in really unhealthy and self-destructive behaviors, or it will come out sideways in equally self-destructive self-numbing and self-medicating behaviors which might mask the shadow, but at the same time, it is masking the light aspects of our soul.

Darkness and Light are But One

Psalm 139 reminds us that “darkness and light are but one.”  What this saying is that in what we are tempted to judge as darkness or light are neither- instead, they are simply what is and that from the Divine perspective, there is no judgment.  In other words, even those things which we might judge as negative (hatred), can serve a benevolent purpose.  I know for myself, hatred has sometimes served to motivate me to set boundaries, to speak in situations where I might have been tempted to remain silent, to act where I might have chose to not act.  I also know that hatred has sometimes shown up as a way to affirm or validate something that I believed about another person or to remind me to uphold appropriate boundaries where I might have been tempted to relax the boundaries I set in a particular relationship.  I also know that hatred has often shown up in situations that are completely outside of my control which then gives me an opportunity to invite a deeper level of letting go and surrender.  Hatred, in a nutshell, keeps me humble and reminds me of how truly human I am and not to get tempted into believing I am all-love and all- that because in truth- I’m not.

Getting to know the shadow

We all know who our shadow is…..it is the part of ourselves we try to deny, try to hide from the world.  You know your shadow…..now create some space to let it speak to you.  What is it trying to communicate?  How are you trying to hide it?  How do you reject it?  How might it serve a benevolent rather than malevolent purpose?  How might your shadow actually be serving your highest good?

And just for fun…..here are a few videos to help you connect with your shadow (WARNING:  strong language and content!!!!!)

NIN  – The Hand that Feeds

Marilyn Manson – mObscene

Marilyn Manson – Fight Song

Disturbed – Voices

Lauri Lumby offers one-on-one mentoring, couples’ mentoring, courses and workshops which help you to identify and integrate your gifts as well as your shadow so that you can live more fully as your most authentic self, experiencing joy, contentment and fulfillment in a life which has meaning and purpose.  Call (920) 230-1313 or email lauri@yourspiritualtruth to learn more.

Posted in creativity, God, Inspiration, Mystics

Mystics, Madwomen and a Rock and Roll God

The journey of the Soul, I have learned, comes in fits and starts.  Sometimes seemingly stagnant, sometimes dead and lying in the grave, sometimes dancing naked in the streets – a journey that we want like heck to control, but one we must instead learn to surrender to.  After taking a huge step forward yesterday by moving through one of my biggest fears (public speaking), I found myself writing poetry again.  Who knew that this was what was waiting for me to get over myself?  I’m sharing one of the fun poems that came out of yesterday’s creative burst.  After playing with this poem, ask yourself, “What is lying in wait for me when I move through that next big fear?????”  (PS  Thank you Rob Zombie, Motley Crue and Disturbed for being today’s muse!)

RobZombie

Rock and Roll God

You may have your god in flowing white robes, hands in pious prayer, basking in his golden hue.

My God wears black leather,

With long, flowing hair,

An electric guitar strapped across his chest,

Pounding out tunes and serenading me with:

Believe!

“Shout, Shout, Shout at the Devil”

And

“Living Dead-Girl”

While calling me forth from my grave.

copyright 2013  Lauri Ann Lumby

Posted in creativity

Finding Fulfillment

Today I explore again the human search for fulfillment.  What are the things that give us a sense of contentment and how are we invited to give them our attention.



I am the wind

Which blows chaos into

Empty spaces

 

Prying free the twisted,

Grasping

Fingers of complacency

And stagnation

 

Tossing them into the air

To be cleansed,

Dusted

Released

 

Tumbled topsy-turvy on my breath

Towards new life,

New discoveries,

New growth

Unleashing the creative genius

Locked within

 

 

Rediscovered passions

The universe has given me an amazing gift this week – three whole days to do nothing but write!  In this wide open space of creative exploration I have been reminded of the one activity that leaves me feeling true contentment and peace – and that is writing.  (throw in some time to rock out to Disturbed and have coffee with friends, and my life is COMPLETE!)  It strikes me that I have spent the last 45 years (I’m not afraid to share my age) relentlessly searching for the fulfillment that I have rediscovered in my writing craft.  And unlike the non-fiction writing that I have done in the past, this is bold, silly, ridiculous creative writing – something I remember enjoying in grade school but for some reason left it in the dust.  So here I am at mid-life enjoying the gifts of creativity that I left behind so long ago. 

 

Seeking Fulfillment

I think that fulfillment is the one desire that we have in common as human animals.  We long to know contentment, peace, a sense of groundedness and completeness.  We seek relentlessly, usually outside ourselves for the magic pill that will make us feel whole.  It sometimes takes our entire lifetime (and sadly, some never come to find it) to realize that this fulfillment does not come from outside of us, but resides somewhere within us, usually deep in our hearts.  Born a multi-tasker, I have found that fulfillment comes to me in various forms.  In meditation and prayer.  In singing and dancing.  In cooking, playing with my children, listening to people’s stories, teaching a class, spending time with friends, enjoying a great cup of freshly brewed gourmet dark roast coffee (I know, I’m a total coffee snob) and writing.  I know it seems that these activities are happening outside of me….but in truth….these are all activities that are springing forth from the deep well of contentment and joy that reside within.

 

Making a choice

So, here is the thought I am entertaining:  What if in discovering these experiences of fulfillment, we are being invited to indulge in more of the same?  What if life is not about the drudgery, about doing all those things that suck us dry of our very life blood, but is actually about finding those things that give us life?  What would life be like then if we actually gave ourselves permission to embrace and indulge in those activities that give us joy, help us feel peace and facilitate our ability to be loving, compassionate and merciful beings?   HHHMMMM  We might have something here! 

 

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Posted in grief, Healing

Bring on the Metal – the Power of Music to Heal

Music is said to soothe the savage beast, I have also found it to be a powerful source for healing and release.  In this blog I explore the power of music to heal – music of all sorts, including my personal favorite, heavy metal.  And I give a shout out to my current musical medication – Disturbed! 

 

 

Divorce, as many of you know, is NOT an easy process.  While there may be a sense of relief in some areas, there is still grief and old, unhealed wounds (some related to the relationship and some not) come home to roost.  While this is taking place, we are also visited with the fear and terror of a new life that has not yet been revealed.  This is scary stuff!  Grief, anger, sorrow, fear, anxiety, worry, rage, resentment, shame, guilt, depression, sadness, loneliness all show up to pay a visit and we have no choice but to do something about it.  (Ok, I know we could choose to ignore it, but I have not found that to be a helpful decision as anything I try to ignore will simply show up in some other more painful form…..so…..I try to meet it head on!)

One of the things that I have found especially helpful in dealing with and processing the painful emotions of divorce is music.  When I can no longer “think” through the pain, or try to conquer it through meditation, yoga, contemplation, when my fingers are too tired to write, I have sought refuge in music.  While music is part of my daily spiritual practice through chant, the kind of music I’m talking about here has nothing to do with the ethereal strains of sacred chant.  NO…..the way I have found to move through the painful, dark, scary emotions that are surfacing in this divorce process is Earphones on, as loud as my ears can stand it without bleeding, HEAVY METAL…..and the particular persuasion of this genre that I have found myself drawn to is the musical genius of Disturbed!  “Wha ha ha ha!”

For as long as I can remember, without even knowing what it was, music has  been a part of my spiritual practice.  I remember as a child retreating to the sanctuary of my bedroom to put on my headphones (or not…..sorry mom and dad) and jam out to whatever was my favorite music at the time.  Beginning with the Osmonds and the Partridge Family, moving on to Fleetwood Mac, eventually graduating to Led Zeppelin, Joan Jett, Heart, Guns and Roses, Aerosmith and Motley Crue – music has played a role in helping me to move through the painful feelings and experiences of the human condition.   And….it has been heavy metal music that has been the most helpful when times are most difficult.  I can’t say that I have made it as far as the Berzerker genre of East Germany, but give me a good dose of Marilyn Manson, GnR or Disturbed and I am transported to a place where I can find freedom and release from the dark emotions of hatred, depression and rage.  If the movement of the emotions brings me to tears, I know that true healing is taking place.  AAAAHHHHH

How does this work?   Since I am not a sound scientist, I cannot give you the scientific reason for why sound helps us to find healing, but I can give you my current theory.  I believe that music somehow harnesses the power of the Holy Spirit to bring healing and release.  In the session that I teach on the Holy Spirit in my program, “Called to Freedom,” I use music to demonstrate this aspect of the Divine.  I use music to invite participants to connect with an understanding of the Divine as “Creative Action.”  When we listen intently to music and allow ourselves to connect beyond the notes and the words to the movement of the piece, we are able to connect with a place within ourselves where there is movement.  In connecting with this movement, we are connecting with the transformational aspect of the Divine that lives within us and seeks movement.  The Divine calls us to growth, calls us to movement, calls us to transformation and music has the power to not only connect us with this place of transformation but acts as a catalyst through which this transformation is facilitated.  It is in this way that music is a powerful tool for healing and transformation – in divorce or in any other stage of transition in our lives. 

 

So…..a shout out of gratitude and profound thanksgiving to the guys and gals in the band who have been vehicles through which we can experience profound healing and transformation.  And a special shout out to David and the boys in Disturbed”Wha ha ha ha !”

 

PS:  You Tube has an official site for Disturbed videos!  CHECK IT OUT!

 

 

Copyright 2010

 

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries/Your Spiritual Truth

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

 

Posted in Discernment, Ponderings

Trying on Different Parts of Ourselves. Who Are You?

In today’s blog I will explore the human journey of self-discovery and the many things we try on and work toward integrating as we come to embrace more fully our most authentic self.


As a member of the Facebook community, I have recently had great fun discovering, posting and changing my  profile picture.  A friend recently inquired as to why I am posting pictures of Amy Grant, Kiera Knightly (as a sword-yielding warrior), Jami Gertz (as a vampire-in-training), Sandra Bullock (as a “witch”) and Wonder Woman instead of posting pictures of myself.   My friend wondered why I would want to be anybody other than Lauri Lumby.  While I’ve just been having fun with pictures, my friend’s question has caused me to pause and reflect on the possible deeper meaning behind this version of Facebook fun.  Of course, there is a deeper reason, and I think it is a reason that we can all relate to as we are compelled to seek, explore, discover and eventually embrace our highest and most true self.

Part of our journey of self-discovery includes trying on, experimenting and exploring different roles.  Who am I?  What are my passions?  What are my fears?  What are the parts of myself I’m comfortable sharing with the world?  What parts do I keep hidden?  In this experimenting and exploration, we find the parts that resonate with our truth (highest self) and are able to discard the parts that do not.  The goal of this journey of self-discovery, if we can really say there is a goal, is to find the parts of ourselves that are true and learn to embrace them and integrate them fully into our truest, highest self.  In the shamanic tradition,  this process if referred to as recapitulation.  In this process, we find all the parts of who we are and allow ourselves to be open to these parts  – warts and all!  Recapitulation includes the integration of our gifts, our strengths, our passions, our longings, our desires and our fears.  As a fully-integrated being, we are able to be present to all that we are and are able to stand securely within all that we are.  It is this journey of recapitulation that I realize I have been sharing with the Facebook world.

As I look specifically at the images I have chosen on Facebook to represent myself, I realize that each of these images portray a part of myself, along with a part of myself that I want to more fully embrace.  Amy Grant represents the part of me that is moved by music and song and wants to sing my praises to the Divine.  I am moved by her music, I love her voice and she’s beautiful inside and out.  I guess that is something I hope to be.  Kiera Knightly, plays the lode-tattooed, Celtic warrior princess, Gueneviere, in the movie King Arthur (which sucks, by the way…so don’t rent it!).  In this role, she plays the part of me that wants to wield a sword against injustice and against the inner and (perceived) outer obstacles that keep showing up on my path to embracing my highest self.  When I feel like I need to fight off my fears, compulsions, addictions, etc.  it is fun to imagine myself donning battle armor and face paint and taking up my sword of truth!   Jami Gertz, from the movie, Lost Boys, absolutely represents the part of me drawn to the seemingly darker side of the human journey – vampires, rockstars, Marilyn Manson, Disturbed, Alice Cooper…..all these reflect the parts of me that are hidden, dark, moody, brooding and somewhat neurotic.  Wonder Woman?  Come on….who doesn’t dream of being a superhero?  Beside, Wonder Woman is kick-ass cool and really hot!  Don’t all women aspire to don the leotard, red go-go boots, golden bracelets and golden lariat!?  Then there is Sandra Bullock from Practical Magic – one of my all-time favorite movies!!!!!  In this film, she represents the parts of me that are drawn to magic and mystery and the part of me that wants to learn how to embrace this as part of my everyday life.  Admittely, she also represents the parts of myself resistant to yet longing to be loved.  She represents the parts of me I feel are sometimes misunderstood and perceived as unconventional.  Of all the above-mentioned characters, Sandra Bullock as Sally perhaps most closely reflects my own journey of self-discovery.

Speaking of Practical Magic….one of the things I love about this movie is the way that it represents this human journey of self-discovery.  Beyond the magic and the mystery is a magnificent story of discovering, resisting, rediscovering, then learning how to embrace our gifts and our highest self.  In this movie, Sally (Sandra Bullock) embarks upon this journey of self-discovery as she is forced to acknowledge, explore and ultimately embrace the gifts that she has denied for most of her life.  In this journey of self-discovery, she breaks a family curse, saves her sister’s life, frees her children to fully embrace their own gifts, finds self-acceptance and love.  If this is what the journey of self-discovery brings and if it means trying on a few roles, ….then I say, BRING IT ON!

So for today, I invite you to reflect on your own journey of self-discovery.  Who do you want to be?  Who have you tried on?  What characters (fictional or otherwise) are you drawn to as you explore the world for the missing or not yet integrated parts of yourself?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries/Your Spiritual Truth

http://www.yourspiritualtruth.wordpress.com