Posted in Authentic Freedom, End of the World Prophecies, Inspiration, world changes

Overcoming the “Demons” of the Covid-19 Pandemic

First a note on demons.  I do not believe in demons in the form of the dude wearing a red morph suit sporting horns and holding a pitchfork.  I do not believe in external embodied entities whose job is to wreak havoc on our lives.  Instead, I think of demons as human-made.  Demons are something we have created in our minds made up out of our fears.  That being said, these demons can become part of our collective fear and something that can be seen, named, and therefore conquered.  Conquering our demons is dependent on our ability to see them and name them.  Once we have done this, we can use the tools we have been given to “conquer” these demons so that they no longer have power over us.  These are the demons who presented themselves to me this morning as I did my invisible work of diving deep into society’s ills to uncover the demons that are driving our current (mass hysteria) behaviors.  Let’s name and claim these demons together so that we might deprive them of their power over us and move more closely to a place of peace and contentment within the chaos that is currently ruling our world.

 

CHAOS

Speaking of chaos, this is the first demon to present themselves during my morning meditation.  Chaos presented itself to me as a rampantly tumbling ball made up of flailing limbs – arms and legs flailing and tumbling around the world wreaking havoc wherever it flailed.  Chaos was screeching and screaming as it blindly flailed about.  Chaos seemed not to have a face and was difficult to approach because of the force of its flailing.  Stepping closer to it, I felt the force of its flailing and within that the unbridled fear that drove it.  I also felt within it an insidious plan and was within the depths of chaos those who benefit from a world chaotically thrashing about.  I asked Chaos to show me its face and what appeared was a face similar to Lord Voldemort as he hid in Professor Quirrell’s turban or the shriveled Voldemort who was thrown naked into the cauldron ready to be reborn into his true power and form.

 

CONFUSION

Confusion was the second demon to appear.  He came in the form of a man who simply stood in place.  His body had become paralyzed and he could not move, but his head was uncontrollably and frantically being thrown about in all directions.  The image I saw was reminiscent of the scenes in horror movies where a demon is transforming from their cloaked human form into something horrifying.  Coming forth out of his mouth was a sort of incomprehensible babbling.  CUE Jacob’s Ladder

 

PANIC

I didn’t need to look to hard to find Panic.  Panic was in the mass of humanity running around like chickens with their heads cut off.  Triggered by fear and mass hysteria, they were running here and there grabbing up everything they could carry that they believed might save them from ……what?  Death?  Illness?  Feeling alone?  Fear?  It was a mass of people without the tools needed to gather verifiable information, reason carefully and therefore come up with a reasonable response to that information.  Instead, fear alone was driving their actions – unbridled and in this case unnecessary fear.  CUE WWZ

 

After Naming the Demons

After we have effectively named the demon, our next task is to conquer them.  In this case, we need a new understanding of what it means to conquer.  In my world, fear begets fear and violence begets violence.  We are not meant to “destroy” the demon with violence (what we resist will persist).  Instead, we are invited to draw close enough to the demon to see the fear that is driving it.  Then, we heal it at its fear.  Once we heal its fear, the demon can return to its true form which is peacefulness, reason and love.

 

Healing Demons

As a shadow and depth worker, I have been working on the collective fear.  I have been sitting with the demons, holding them in loving compassion and witnessing to their release.  All they really want is to be loved.  And when we love these “demons” the fear that drives them simply melts off them revealing the love that dwells beneath all that fear.  In order to do this work, however, I first had to heal these demons within myself.  The same will be true for you.  If you find yourself drawn into the Chaos, paralyzed by Confusion or driven by Panic, you will first have to heal these demons within yourself.  Once you have done this you can begin to use your gifts to heal the demons of the collective.

 

Healing Your Own Demons

Healing our own demons is the work of a lifetime.  I have spent the past 30 years doing this for myself and out of this doing, I have discovered, developed and practiced effective tools for healing and transcending the fears inside of me that have limited my life.  Being free of these fears is an ongoing practice and something I work with every single day!  In life we are never completely free of fear, but with the proper tools, we can eliminate fear’s control over our lives.  The Authentic Freedom protocol is absolutely THE BEST tool I have been given for the healing of fears.  You can learn the Authentic Freedom protocol and how to apply it through my online course or my book by the same name.  I also offer one-on-one support if that would better serve you.  Learn more HERE.

 

 

 

 

Posted in Authentic Freedom, Being Human, God

Reclaiming My Right to Be Excruciatingly Human!

DAMN IT. All these years I’ve been serving (internally anyway) the wrong kind of GOD!!!!!  In my head I know better….and my work reflects that.  But internally, I’ve been serving the GOD of someone else’s making.  ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

Hi. My name is Lauri.  I’m a recovering perfectionist.

Trying to be perfect

Maybe that’s all you need to know…..but maybe not. For as long as I can remember, I have tried to be perfect.  The perfect daughter.  Perfect student.  Perfect pianist.  Perfect dancer.  Perfect friend.  Perfect wife.  Perfect mother.  I’m not sure if I was born this way or if it is a product of my conditioning or a little of both.  The Enneagram suggests we are born with our “Type.”  There is no doubt that I am a Type 1 on the Enneagram and that I undoubtedly look at myself, the world and my life experiences through the lens of this question: “How could this be better?”  So there’s that.

I am also acutely aware of how my early life experiences along with my Catholic upbringing fostered the critical nature of this lens. Little messages along the way which have said I’m not good enough, there is something wrong with me, the way I’m doing things is wrong, what my Soul needs and wants is not in line with what society expects from me….and worst of all…..the ongoing message of a jealous God examining my every move and like Santa Claus, keeping a record of all the bad I’ve done in my life – bad for which there will be some sort of punishment – if not in this life, then certainly in the next.

But I’m not bad!

But here’s the thing. I’m not bad.  I’ve never done anything bad.  Yes, in the normal stages of childhood development I fought with my siblings and was likely mean to them at times.  Yes, I became angry at my parents and sometimes grumbled against their guidance.  Yes, in college and early adulthood I made the usual “mistakes.”  But ultimately, I’ve never done anything to intentionally harm another or to do damage in this world.

So if I’m not bad and I’ve never done anything bad, then why have I spent a lifetime feeling so bad? Feeling as if there is something wrong with me?  In response to this deep inner feeling of wrongness, I have done a WHOLE LOT OF WORK.  Healing the pain from past abuse.  Healing trauma.  Undoing negative conditioning.  Reclaiming all the parts of myself that I locked away deep in my subconscious because it might not be “acceptable” in this world.  I have opened Pandora’s Box and have welcomed every single demon therein – meeting it, listening to its fears and concerns and supporting the healing and transformation of all my old wounds so that I might not only feel better about myself, but so I might also feel better about this world and my place in it.

This week while reading the comments of the women and men in my Magdalene Priestess Training I realized there was one final demon to tackle.

My favorite Moses scene is when he throws the tablets to the ground in disgust, rage and disappointment over his people.  This is me everyday!  And yet, I’m just as guilty of confusion, doubt, and running after distractions and shiny objects (hello Facebook).  UGH!  We are excruciatingly human – and isn’t that the point!?  God loves us no matter how dense we can be at times….and this is THE GOOD NEWS.  We are utterly ok exactly as we are in this and every other moment. God doesn’t care.  This is a lesson about Unconditional Love I am still trying to learn.  God doesn’t care if I enjoy a glass of wine.  God doesn’t care if I’m depressed and unmotivated.  God doesn’t care if some days I just don’t give a fuck.  God doesn’t care that on some days I despise the human race.  Because God knows WHO I AM and in the center of all my human frailty there is Love.  Just plain Love.  And Love is who I am even when (maybe especially when) I am excruciatingly human!  

That demon’s name is “GOD”

Now, before you get your undies in a twist, let me explain.  The GOD who I am calling a demon, is not God – but is instead, the god of someone else’s making.  This is not the God who Jesus spoke of who loves without condition.  This is the GOD made up by a hierarchical and patriarchal system who rules by fear, power and control.  This is the GOD who was created to make us feel bad about ourselves, to plant seeds of doubt, confusion and pain in us …. all so that this hierarchical system might control us.  Because here’s the thing – if we believe in a GOD who is always judging us, who is measuring our humanness against us and who is waiting to punish us for that evil, then we will always be afraid.  We will feel badly about ourselves and can therefore be easily manipulated.  You see, when GOD’s love can be taken away, if we have to earn that love, if we will be punished for angering this GOD, then we will do anything to gain the approval of this GOD – a GOD that ultimately has nothing to do with God, and everything to do with humans that want us to look toward them as the ultimate authority so we will do what they tell us; and humans who wants our money.  Notice- the Church is not the only creator of this GOD.  Oh no….they are co-conspirators with every other hierarchical institution which has arisen out of a desire to have power and control over the masses.

The Demon isn’t only in the Church

Oh, and for the record…..a whole lot of “New Age,” “Ascension” and “Prosperity Gospel” people also preach this kind of GOD. You know…the GOD who will only reward us if we “think the right thoughts.”  The GOD who isn’t actually a GOD but is in fact ourselves – because WE are GOD and our life is created by what and how we think.  If we think the right thoughts we will get what we want because WE are GOD.  And if we think the wrong thoughts, then we can expect the consequences of these thoughts because we are GOD and we made it happen.  And if what we have in our lives is not what we want (if we are poor, struggling with illness, experiencing difficulty in our lives) it is because this GOD who is US is punishing us for thinking the wrong thoughts and the solution to changing what we do not want in our lives is to simply think better thoughts.  Or perform magic spells.  Or do the right ritual.  Or light a candle.  Oh wait….there’s more.  We also need to be PERFECT.  If our life isn’t what we want it to be it is because there is some wound in the way and if we clear that wound (fear, compulsion, etc.) then our external life will magically change. Ourselves disguised as a demon disguised as GOD.

(For the record, I’m all in favor of healing our wounds….it is what I do best……but healing our inner wounds is NO GUARANTEE of a change in our external lives.  Jesus never promised EXTERNAL abundance – only the abundance we know within when we are free.  #authenticfreedom). 

THIS is the demon GOD that remains at the bottom of my Pandora’s Box. The GOD that says I’m not good enough.  That I will never be good enough.  That no matter how hard I work to heal my past wounds, fears, etc. I will never be free because this GOD is looking over my shoulder waiting to hand out reward and punishment.  The GOD that has me believing that my life experience will change if I can just figure out what about me is soooooo wrong and heal that one thing so that everything will be good again. DAMN IT.  All these years I’ve been serving (internally anyway) the wrong kind of GOD!!!!!  In my head I know better….and my work reflects that.  But internally, I’ve been serving the GOD of someone else’s making.  ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

NO MORE! Today, I reclaim my RIGHT TO BE HUMAN. Excruciatingly human! Jesus spoke of a God who loves without condition.  A God who made me exactly as I am – for a reason and a purpose – and THIS creation is PERFECT.  I am already loved by God.  I don’t have to earn God’s love and it cannot be taken away.  I was LOVED into being and I am LOVE itself – and this version of love swears like a sailor, enjoys a glass of wine at the end of the day, on some days despises the human race, becomes impatient with ignorance and intolerance, grows enraged in the face of injustice, is at times judgmental and self-righteous and is sure that my way is right – or at least better; who loves deeply, burns passionately, gives generously – even if sometimes out of a “need to help or to feel loved,” who hates certain individuals and harbors resentment like Gollum harbors the ring.  Sometimes I’m depressed and unmotivated.  Other days I’m a workaholic.  I have anxiety, suffer with migraines and sometimes have panic attacks.  Like Denis Leary sings, sometimes I’m an Asshole but I can also be one of the kindest people you will ever know.  This is me in all my excruciating humanness exactly like God made me and there is nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with how I am living my life.  And the parts of my external life which I wish would change (Gawd I’m tired of always having to worry about money and how my next bill will be paid) have absolutely nothing to do with something I have yet to heal, or some thought I need to correct.  SHIT JUST HAPPENS.  This is life.  And God has nothing to do with it and neither do we.  We are here to be human – excruciatingly human and maybe somewhere in that humanness we have the opportunity to discover that in addition to being human we are also LOVE.

 

Posted in Spiritual Development, spiritual healing, Spiritual Practices

Spiritual Healing through the Demon Binding and Banishing Ritual

Healthy human development includes the process of spiritual healing, specifically from the fears and unhealed wounds that might otherwise keep us from the path of our truth.  Healing and releasing these “demons” sets us on the path of true and enduring happiness and supports the ultimate goal of our journey which is self-actualization. I created the Demon Binding and Banishing Ritual to support us in this spiritual healing.

A Seven Step Process for the healing, transformation and release of negative energetic influences. 

Created by Lauri Ann Lumby, OM, OPM, MATS

Magdalene Priestess, Shadow Worker and Spiritual Counselor

Whether we believe in the literal truth of demonic entities, or think of “demon” as a metaphor for either our own or collective fear, a critical part of the journey of spiritual development and growth is confronting those energies that might otherwise dissuade us from our path.  We might recognize the presence of these fear-forms in:

  • Challenging or harmful relationships
  • Past or current life trauma
  • Situations where our financial support is not flowing in a positive direction
  • Unexplainable health issues
  • Negative individuals or groups who seem to be attacking or interfering with our work
  • Feeling as if awareness of our gifts or contribution in the world is being blocked
  • Inability to make our soul’s purpose a success
  • Experiences we might interpret as bad luck
  • Crisis patterns
  • Worry, fretfulness, unrest
  • Physical or emotional fatigue

The further we move along the path of our spiritual growth, the more persistent and persuasive these fears become, to the point where they sometimes feel as if they really are a disembodied demonic entity trying to harm us.

Hence the value of having a diligent spiritual practice through which we might identify, confront, heal, release and transform these fears (See my course Authentic Freedom for more on this) so that we might continue along the path of our truth.  When even our most effective spiritual practices aren’t working however, it is helpful to have an even powerful weapon at our disposal.  It is for this purpose that I created and now share the Demon Binding and Banishing Ritual.

Learn more and register HERE.

Posted in End of the World Prophecies, Inspiration, Lessons, Mystics, world changes

The Time of Reckoning is at Hand

The Time of Reckoning is at Hand

 A profound thank you to Jared Dubin for sharing his poetry, his wisdom, his vision, and his art in today’s blog. Jared and I met at the Presentation Center in Los Gatos, California, during the first day of our graduate school journey.   It was recognition and love at first sight. We knew the moment we looked into each other’s eyes that we had known each other for an eternity and had spent significant lifetimes together with a shared mission and purpose. Since that moment, Jared has been a source of love and support for me and I can only hope I have done the same for him. Jared, is wise beyond his years and like me, is a lover, a peacemaker and a shit-disturber. Jared is my soul brother and we share a special kind of love, a love greater than romance – what the Greeks would refer to as agape’.  Jared, I love you brother….and thank you for sharing your soul with those who might find this blog!  XXOOXXOOXXOOXXOO

mandalalalala

 

Light so bright it forgot itself

Lost track of the darkness within

+ started chasing it without
a thought to the destruction it would spread

by the time it burn itself out
half the planet would be

Dead.

We live in highly peculiar times. Something miraculous is happening, the world is going through changes on all levels. Evolution is happening, in ways not yet understood within the confines of our labs or textbooks. Humankind, and the face of the very planet, is transforming into something new.

So what the hell does that mean for all of us? Well, for starters, we ought to let go of the notion that we know much of anything at all. Once I believed the only thing anyone could truly know was their own intentions. To this day I think there is more truth in that idea than I presently understand.

There is magic in our intentions, and magic in our words. With every utterance we reinforce a reality, and this is a sword that cuts both ways.

The world is going through changes, and the longer we are in this period of change, the more unfamiliar things may become. It will be all too easy to see demons in the darkness before our eyes have time to adjust, and thus either run away or attack out of fear. The time for running and the time for violence has passed, and if we continue now to act out of fear, we do so at our own peril.

There is more going on here than we may presently understand. Though I believe we head now, for the first time in centuries (or perhaps millennia), towards a more harmonious relationship with ourselves and our world, I do not believe that this will look like an endless rainbow-sunshine festival all angels and smiles and love-beams filling the Earth to the brim with golden blinding light.

No, part of the reason we got to this point is because we drew a contrast, a line in the sand. On our side of the line we put love and truth and beauty and everything we perceived as good, and we said, “This is ours.” And on the other side of that line we threw destruction and falsehood and all of the ugly human emotions, and we said “That is the darkness, it is not us.”

Thus we lost sight of our own darkness, and it began to work outside of our awareness. We went around hunting for “demons” and did not notice the swath of destruction our own shadows left in our wake.

Consider at the macro level, a country claiming the right to police the world, occupying and destroying foreign lands in the name of peace and democracy, while its own interior, its people and infrastructure, slip increasingly into poverty and depression.

Or consider what goes on inside your own being, as you exult in your joy but disparage your own darkness, creating shadows out of those emotions and thoughts you deem undesirable, failing to own them because they do not fit your vision of an ideal world.

We have flown too close to the sun, and we were blinded by it, and did not even see as our wings melted right off our backs and we began to plummet inexorably into an underworld of our own creation. And all the way down, we pointed fingers at each other and the world, failing to take responsibility for all that we saw.

Because if we’re talking about God, or the Universe, or the Great Spirit, what have you, we are talking about something that transcends our cognitive understanding. And if we are talking about a Divine totality, then we are talking about something that contains all within. That means the shit comes along with the crystals. It’s all divine, it’s all life.

And if we are calling ourselves divine and magical beings, how could the darkness not also be our birthright? Inside of me is a tyrant, a looter, a rapist, a racist. There is a huge homophobe who in particular has been giving me trouble. As Walt Whitman wrote, I am large, I contain multitudes. It does no good to demonize those humans who have fallen prey to their own demons. We must now redeem, not destroy.

As we realize the reality of our being –that we are more than mere flesh and infinite in spirit, we must remember that all things falling within the confines of infinity are ours. In the creation of what is to come, we will do well to include our darkness in our reckoning, lest we once again lose sight of it, allowing it to run amuck under our negligence.

Both light and darkness are here to stay. And as we create a world that sustains every part of us, body, mind, and soul, we must understand and make room for the light and the dark. After all, are the two not simply relative points along an infinite spectrum? In every apparent light and shadow, there are infinite shades of each. We are no different.

jaredJared Dubin was raised in the suburbs of New York City, the capital of the world. As a child he spent many an hour whirling and flying about his backyard and beyond, fighting off monsters and dragons and other various foes. As he got older he had high hopes of helping the world -he would dream of becoming president, believing that the most help could be offered by the one with the most power. Older still, he became more and more keenly aware of the places where his true being was at odds with the world he wished to save. Eventually he had to let go of everything to become what he is now -he forsook the world, and his future in it, and instead clung to love, most of all for himself, with ever last breath of his being. Recently he has reemerged, centered in himself and once again foolish enough to try his hand at saving the world. Asker of many questions, taker of many adventures, and jester of many courts, he will do whatever it takes to fight in the name of freedom, beauty, truth, and of course, love

Posted in Authentic Freedom, Being Human, God, Healing, Mary Magdalene, shame, Surrender

Those Demons in My Head

Today’s blog explores those stubborn, deep, elusive, hard to heal wounds and where we can go for healing and comfort. 

No Doubt!

Yesterday while driving my daughter to volleyball practice, a song popped up on my CD player that spoke loudly and clearly about one of my own elusive, stubborn, hard to heal wounds  And….I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.  The song was In My Head by No Doubt.  Here the Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB0sH2OpPzE  and a portion of the lyrics:

I try to think about rainbows
When it gets bad
You got to think about something
To keep from going mad
I try to think about big fat roses
When the ship starts going down
But my head is wicked jealous
Don’t want to talk about it right now

[Chorus:]
Long distance
Don’t talk about ex-girlfriends
Don’t talk about you with out me
Don’t talk about your past

In my head
It’s only in my head
In my head
It’s only in my head

To learn more about the seven core fears (demons) and how to heal them, read Authentic Freedom.  Buy it HERE!

Demons in Our Heads

When scripture tells us that Jesus healed Mary Magdalene of seven demons, Luke wasn’t talking about the dudes in red morph suits donning horns and carrying pitchforks.  He was also not talking about the demons that make our heads spin around and vomit pea soup.  Luke was talking about the perceptions and voices of fear that plague our human existence and keep us from living in the peace, love and joy that make up our original nature in Oneness with God.  These demons, I have found, vary in their strength and stubbornness.  Some we can heal simply by naming them.  Others take years or maybe even a lifetime to transcend.  Some, it seems, stay with us until we die.

To learn more about the seven core fears (demons) and how to heal them, read Authentic Freedom.  Buy it HERE!

Stubborn, Willful Demons

There are two demons in particular who have plagued me for as long as I can remember.  These two demons say, It’s my fault and There’s something wrong with me. I have worked really hard to find healing and release from these demons, but I find the healing elusive.  The worst part is that these demons work together, rarely alone, at torturing me and keeping me imprisoned behind a wall of shame.  And, these demons are really tricky because they come disguised as the virtue of Integrity.  As a person of integrity, I strive to say what I mean and mean what I say.  I also want to own my part in a challenge or struggle before confronting another party.  I want to be clean within myself before taking a challenge out into the playing field.  I work really hard not to blame others before examining the mirror of my own guilt.  See how tricky these demons are?  It is truly a good and virtuous person who owns their own stuff, who does their own work, who can accept their own responsibility.  True……to a point.  It is the demons job to make sure that I never escape from the cycle of self-examination, culpability and blame.  It was ultimately the work of these demons that kept me stuck in my childhood wounds, seven years too long in an unhealthy marriage and hesitant to hold the other person accountable for their part in the hurtful end of a relationship.  It must have been my fault because there must be something wrong with me.  BLECH!

To learn more about the seven core fears (demons) and how to heal them, read Authentic Freedom.  Buy it HERE!

If at First You Don’t Succeed

Try Try again!   Or when all else has fails, turn it over to God.  This is the point I have reached with these two demons.  I have tried and tried and tried to find healing of these fears.  I have employed every tool at my disposal, every weapon in my arsenal.  I have employed the Authentic Freedom principles, the Aramaic Lord’s Prayer, mantra, Tonglen, the Enneagram.  And still, these demons sing their evil songs in my head and perform their wicked dance, surrounding me in darkness like Rothbart, the evil swan demon of Black Swan fame.  Damn them!  Literally!  So last night while wrestling these demons in my head,  after trying and failing with rainbows and big fat roses,  I screamed out in defeat, “GOD TAKE THESE AWAY FROM ME!”  I’m done with these demons and done fighting and struggling with them.  Your turn God!  Of course God answered.  This morning, I opened up the scripture for today and here were God’s words to me:

The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.

In verdant pastures he gives me repose;

Beside restful waters he leads me, he refreshed my soul.

Even though I walk in the valley of darkness

I fear no evil, for you are at my side.

Psalm 23

There you have it.  Today, God has the final word.

Who are the elusive demons that you struggle with?

How have you sought healing from these voices of fear?

How are you invited to give it over to God?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Posted in guilt, Inspiration

Battling Guilt Demons

Today’s blog explores the nature of guilt, how to recognize guilt at play and tools for vanquishing the guilt demons!  ARGH!

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Daughters

Back from my blogging sabbatical so that I could help with the needs of my parents after my dad’s kidney transplant.  YEAH RIGHT!  As the universe would have it, instead of going to Minneapolis as planned, I got sidelined by my dad’s (yes, you read that correctly) annual upper respiratory, sinus, allergy, cough, sickness.  Apparently my Spirit and my dad’s Spirit made an arrangement whereby I would take on his usual sickness so that he could be healthy for his kidney transplant (well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.).  So, instead of going to Minneapolis, I was told to stay home, and then I had to face SEVEN whole days with NO PLANS, no obligations, no projects, NO KIDS!   For a “J” on the Myers-Briggs SEVEN days with no plans is a sentence akin to an eternity in hell.  ARGH!!!!!!   If my head had been screwed on straight, I would have welcomed these seven days as an opportunity to retreat, reflect, write and play.  And I tried, I really tried to make these past seven days just that……and all would have gone just fine if it hadn’t been for those DARN guilt demons!  ARGH!!!!

Enter Sandman  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hUniy3kZYQ&feature=related   (click link for a little mood music!  :))

So, I’m trying to move through my seven day universe-imposed retreat, hoping to rest, reflect, play, create, write, and simply be.  And just as I thought I was getting into the swing of NO PLANS, NO KIDS…..enter SANDMAN…….aka  The Demons of Guilt.  It would have been ok if it had only been one demon…you know, the one that says, “You really should be doing something productive.”  Instead….it was guilt in LEGIONS!   Like a swarm of apocalyptic locusts, they fell upon me in legions whispering and taunting in my ears:

  • You are a bad mom for taking seven days away from your kids
  • Your a worse daughter for getting sick and missing your dad’s surgery and for not being there to help your mom!!!!!
  • You are lazy for doing nothing
  • Your business won’t grow and you won’t make any money if you don’t do something toward that effort
  • What good is it to take time to journal, pen poetry, write short stories…..that won’t make you any money
  • Skipping yoga again?????  Your yoga teacher will be angry or disappointed in you
  • You know you will go to hell for skipping mass on Thursday, or worse for sleeping through meditation
  • You slept until 9:30?   Shame shame shame
  • You should be cleaning your house, doing chores, getting caught up on household projects
  • The leaves aren’t going to rake themselves
  • How are you going to pay for Christmas if you take a week off of work?

Got the picture?????

Guilt and its Evil Disguises

But here is the worse part……I didn’t even know I was being beseiged by guilt.  What I felt instead was restlessness, impatience, irritation, frustration, maybe a little boredom and loneliness.  And mixed in with these feelings the sensation that there was something or someone out there causing me these feelings…..I wanted like heck to point my accusatory finger at that “person” or “thing” that was causing this disturbance of the normal peaceful contentment I strive to know in my day to day life and either exact punishment or extract that “thing” that was causing so much irritation.  It wasn’t until this afternoon that I recognized what I had been battling was guilt…..and I found out in the strangest of ways.  I won’t go into the gory details, but the words that showed up alerting me to guilt’s malicious attack were these:

  • You are a bad mom because your whole entire life does not revolve around your children’s interests.

ARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH    There it is, that dang SHOULD voice…..the outside perceived authority that tries to tell us that our needs are of no value and that it is our job to make everyone else happy before even thinking of what we might need for ourselves.  YIKES!

Guilt’s Evil Intent

There it was.  Guilt in all its glory…..AGAIN….trying to keep me from the path of my highest good.  For in truth….this is guilt’s ONE and ONLY purpose.  As I tell my clients, guilt serves absolutely NO redeeming purpose.  Guilt is the litany of “shoulds” from a controlling and power-driven outside perceived authority (or worse yet, our own inner critic) that wants to keep us from knowing our truest self which is loving, joyful and content.  Guilt keeps us from naming and claiming our own needs and does so by trying to tell us it is our job to make other people happy.  So, now I stand in defiance, thumbing my nose at guilt, proclaiming my own needs:

  • to get well
  • to take care of myself when I’m sick
  • to take time out to simply be
  • to play
  • to play
  • to play (As a recovering perfectionist, I needs LOTS of reminders to play)
  • to allow someone to take care of my needs for a change
  • to enjoy the company of friends
  • to read, reflect, write, create
  • etc.

Now, I encourage you to do the same!!!!

How does guilt show up in your own life?

Where are you tempted to forgo tending to your own needs?

How does guilt disguise itself in your life?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com