Posted in Midlife Journey, Returning book

Women and Midlife

Between the ages of 30 and 70, women go through an important hormonal change which moves us beyond childbearing to the birth of ourselves.  By engaging in this process, we are brought fully into our personal and creative potential.  This journey is known by some a “midlife” or as one friend once said, “A dangerous opportunity!”

Windows to the Soul by Catherine E. Case
Windows to the Soul by Catherine E. Case


The first stage of the midlife journey is the awakening.  It is in the awakening that our hormones begin to shift, removing the veil that is necessary during the time of childbearing that keeps our attention focused on the survival of our children. As our children become viable, less dependent, more self-sufficient and our 100% attention no longer needs to be on them, the veil thins and our attention shift from birthing children to BIRTHING OURSELVES.  As many women who have not only survived, but triumphed in the midlife journey, the awakening is known by feeling, emotions, thoughts that initially disturb, but when tended to, help us to become more of who we were intended to be.  The “symptoms” of the awakening might include:

  • Feelings of Restlessness
  • Longing for something more
  • Feelings of being unfulfilled
  • Unnamed impatience, anger or rage
  • Restless or unhappy in your intimate relationships
  • Anxiety, Depression, Panic Attacks
  • Experiencing physical and emotional changes
  • Longing to be creative but not knowing how or with what
  • Yearning to reconnect with things from your childhood

What We Resist Persists

As many modern-day spiritual teachers have said, “what we resist persists.”  This is equally true for the midlife journey.  For many, the midlife journey begins in pain.  Our instinctual response to pain (discomfort, anxiety, fear, anger, depression, longing, yearning, restlessness) is to avoid it or to try to make it go away.  We can push it away all we want, but it will keep coming back and back and back, hounding us and increasing our discomfort until we LISTEN.  Instead of resisting the midlife journey and all its consequences, the invitation is to INVITE IT IN and to ENGAGE in the process.  When we allow ourselves to be present to our feelings, our longing, our restlessness, the still small voice of our truth can finally be heard.

What Our Truth Might Be Saying

The purpose of the midlife journey is the BIRTHING of ourselves.  It is through this process that our Divine gifts are recognized, cultivated and brought forth to be shared in the world.  It is the time when we get to do what WE want, spend time with what we enjoy, GET TO KNOW ourselves.  When we engage in the midlife journey, we might discover that we are really an introvert (and not the extrovert the world wants us to be) and that we need more solitude.  We might rediscover our childhood dreams and passions.  We might learn that we have talent as a painter or writer or that we love cooking and entertaining.  We might rediscover the sexual passions that took a backseat while we were tending to our children’s needs.  We might hear the call to return to school to pursue a new career.  The point is that the midlife journey is not hear to torture us and make us feel horrible.  Instead, the midlife journey is here to draw us into a more fulfilling, creative, expansive, enjoyable life.

For support in your own midlife journey, watch for my new book, Returning – A Woman’s Midlife Journey to Herself.  The book provides a map as well as exercises through which you can engage your own midlife process. 



Posted in creativity, Spiritual Practices

Engaging the Energy of Transformation

In the journey of spiritual growth toward awakening and enlightenment, sometimes the energy of transformation within us feels like a volcano getting ready to erupt.  Today’s blog explores the tools we can use to engage and release that very powerful creative and creating energy.

Ready to Explode

Have you ever had the sense of a very powerful energy within your body that seems to be building and might be ready to explode?  Have you felt like a caged animal ready to tear away the metal bars of the cage in which you feel you have been imprisoned?  Have you felt like you wanted to burst forth out of your own skin?  Congratulations….if you have had these feelings, it means that you are growing, healing, transforming.  The challenge is that most of us have not been given permission to recognize this energy as potentially good, neither have we been given tools that we can engage to help us move through this energy without completely losing our minds.  Instead, we feel uncomfortable, restless, anxious….and maybe even a little bit insane when this energy shows up.  First of all…let’s explain what this energy is really all about.

Birthing your own self

That volcanic energy that sometimes builds within us and makes us feel like we want to burst is in the simplest terms… giving birth to yourself.  As we grow, heal, transform, the old, no longer life-giving parts of ourself die and a newer, more authentic version of ourself is born.  Unfortunately, the birthing (as is the case in all natural childbirth) is not a walk in the park…instead, we go through all the same stages of labor as if we were bringing a new baby into the world.  First we feel uncomfortable, stretched beyond our limit as our new self grows within us.  Then the contractions start….slowly at first, then more frequent, closer together, more insistent, more painful.  Sometimes these contractions make us cry out in pain, weep tears of suffering and scream “GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!”  Then comes transition…….Hang on…….a raging energy that builds and builds and builds trying to push that new life out of you….Then the ring of fire as the new life crowns and pushes itself out of a space that just moments ago was barely the size of a quarter.  AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!   Your being is torn in two as the new life explodes in a rush of fluids, blood, RELEASE!   Get the picture?  Birthing your new self is no less painful or messy than actual childbirth and happens many times more frequently than the actual babies we will bring into the world (unless you are Irish Catholic of course!  :)). 

Lamaze for birthing ourselves

While the process of birthing our own self is never without challenge and discomfort, there are tools that we can engage to help us move through those stages of self-birthing and to help us participate in, rather than resist the powerful energy of co-creation.  (sadly, our tendency is to resist this energy which makes the process all that more painful).   The invitation as we are moving through that process of self-birthing is to ENGAGE!  Instead of resisting this powerful energy of self-creation, we are invited to step right into the middle of the lightning storm and become a part of it.   The good news is that the tools of engagement are simple and in truth…..A BLAST!  So….here are some suggestions on tools that will allow you to be the midwife to your own birth, making the process easier, less painful and maybe even a little fun.

Tools of Engagement

  • BREATHE – yep, just like the real Lamaze or Bradley method of childbirthing……breath helps us to engage, move, ease the energy of our own self-birthing.  BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE   Breathe consciously, strongly, softly, whatever you need to connect with and move that energy!
  • DRUM – Get yourself a hand drum, a mop bucket, a Tupperware container….and bang your drum.  Drum that energy and engage in its powerful movement. 
  • DANCE – Ok, I’m not talking about a pleasant waltz or tango….I’m talking full-on, all body out tribal dancing.  Dance.  Move.  Release your body.  The more dramatic and frenzied the better.
  • BANG YOUR HEAD – Get out your favorite head-banger CD, crank the volume to 10 and ROCK OUT!  Sing.  Shout.  Wail.  Bang your head.  Create your own mosh pit and surrender to the driving drums and steamrolling guitars. 
  • GET Physical – Run.  Walk….FAST.  Lift weights.  Swing a kettlebell.  Move energy through exercise.
  • SEX – Yep……it has been documented that sexual intercourse can have a positive effect on inducing labor and childbirth.  The same is true as we are birthing ourselves.  Gather up that co-creative energy and engage it with the help of your loving and supportive partner.  🙂 

Get the picture?  Engage your inner volcano and have a blast doing so.

What does the energy of co-creation feel like in you?

Where are you tempted to stifle, shut down, suppress that energy?

How might you engage that energy and in doing so give birth you a new you?


Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries