Posted in About Lauri, Beloved Partnership, codependency, happily ever after, Mary Magdalene, Relationships

My Secret Pain – the Call of Beloved Partnership

It is said that “the truth shall set you free.” I have continued to find this to be true.  But knowing that in expressing our truth we shall find freedom and actually expressing our truth are two different things, especially when expressing those truths leaves you naked and vulnerable in the face of an often cold and cruel world.  But, it is also said, “No pain, no gain.”  So……here goes.

I have a truth that I have carefully guarded and kept very close to my heart, revealing this secret to only a select few. The truth is that I am called to Beloved Partnership.

Click on the image above to read about Mary Magdalene and the call to Beloved Partnership.

What I have come to understand is that being called to Beloved Partnership is a Divine calling and one that cannot be fulfilled until we are reunited with our other half. Being a Beloved Partner differs from co-dependency in that it is not about looking for someone to complete us.  Instead, it is about a shared energy that compels both to seek after their own wholeness, spiritually igniting each other in mutual and shared growth until they reach the point when they are meant to come together in Divine and Holy Partnership – the kind of partnership that is Divinely ordained and which no one can tear asunder.

I am a Beloved Partner and on some level, I have known this my whole life. Since my earliest memory, I have known what my Beloved feels like.  I have felt/known his presence around me.  I have heard him calling me and have experienced the promise of our union.  I have looked for him and thought I had found him in others, only and always learning that “this is not him.”  (That is not to say there hasn’t been value in all the relationships that in the end proved not to be my Twin.)

Until 2004-ish, my Beloved has only been known to me in the energy of promise and potential. I had an idea in my head and a sense of what should be, but nothing concrete to base it on.  Then came the vision that CHANGED MY LIFE.  In short – I SAW HIM!  I saw him and I felt him.  More importantly, I experienced what it feels like to be in his presence and to have him look into my eyes.  The experience was one of pure adoration and love – the likes of which I had never experienced before.

For 13 years, I have carried this experience with me, allowing it to guide and direct my life. It started with looking for this love outside of me.  When these efforts proved fruitless, I sought this love in God which then brought me into myself.  I have diligently tended to the unhealed wounds and unacknowledged fears within me that have been blocking my ability to know the love that I am as a child of the Divine – all the while feeling and knowing the presence of “My Beloved” in this journey with me.

Doesn’t that sound lovely? I see/feel the experience of being adored.  It compels me on a profound journey of personal growth.  It helps to lead me in the direction of my life purpose.  But….the truth is that the journey of Beloved Partnership SUCKS!  It sucks BAD….and here’s why.

Think of it this way. How many people do you know who are happy and content in a “just ok” relationship because it feels safe, secure, known, etc.  Alternatively, how many people do you know who are happy just dating and sleeping around – enjoying the play of a casual relationship without any of the responsibility?  Beloved Partners cannot do any of these thing!  None of these paths have been an option for me and when I have tried, I have gotten my ass handed to me.  With the calling of a Beloved Partnership, I have learned I can be content with nothing but this.

Here then is the rub: For one called to Beloved Partnership, until that partnership is realized, there will always be a feeling of discontent, a deep feeling that there is something very wrong with our lives, and our Divine calling will not be completely fulfilled.  When the Divine calling is not fulfilled, we are left with a nagging feeling of frustration, impatience, even anger and resentment of that something that is missing from our lives.

Here is the other rub: there is literally NOTHING we can do about what is “wrong” with our lives.  Oh yes, there are all kinds of books and courses on how to “call in the one,” but in my experience none of these work.  Yes, we can prepare a space for our Beloved.  Yes, we can do the critical work of healing our woundedness and becoming whole within ourselves.  We can go out there and try on different relationship experiences.  But at the end of the day, the arrival of our Beloved, as it is Divine ordained, is simply a matter of Divine timing.  In the meantime, we are left with an aching pain of vacancy in the center of our Soul where the knowledge of our calling to Beloved Partnership resides, along with the pain of knowing that until we are united there will be a critical part of our Soul’s purpose that cannot be fulfilled.

While there is nothing we can do to make reunion with our Beloved happen, we can create a space in our lives by working on our own journey toward wholeness. My book, Happily Ever After, is one resource to help support you in this task. 

Click on image above to purchase on Amazon.com

 

 

Posted in Beloved Partnership, Divine Masculine

Welcoming the Divine Masculine

I am so honored and excited to be part of this on-going dialogue with Tom Clute.  Please join us in exploring the advent of the Divine Masculine!  Thank you Tom for your perspective and for accomplishing and embodying the Divine Masculine and for providing this model and example for all of us!  Click HERE to listen to the discussion.


 

 

 

 

 

“Towards an Ecology of We” 

 Thomas Clute, MSW

 Sacred Personhood Researcher and Explorer

 tomcluteconsulting@gmail.com

 

Posted in Beloved Partnership, happily ever after, Relationships

Dark Night of the Relationship

The Dark Night of a Relationship is an important stage in any long-standing, committed relationship.  This is a stage that no one tells us about, neither would we believe it could happen to us as we stand doe-eyed awaiting the celebratory nuptials.  The Dark Night of the Relationship is real, it is necessary and when committed and aware, some relationships will survive it. Some will not have the knowledge, patience, trust or stamina to survive.  And some will find after the stage of the Dark Night that the relationship should not continue and termination or divorce is a necessary and supportive option.  The following is my current best understanding of this necessary stage in a committed relationship.

1)  We meet someone and fall in love.  We see the other party and the relationship through the eyes of idealization.  One or both parties are still carrying around with them the unhealed wounds of their past and are probably looking for the other party to be their source of fulfillment and satisfaction, ie:  “you complete me.”

 

2)  One or both parties begin to feel restless and the blinders of the early stage of the relationship begin to fall away.  We begin to see each others’ wounds, strange behaviors, etc.  We enter into a stage of disillusionment, frustration maybe even anger.

couplefightingpixabay

3)  If we are open, we might realize that part of the source of frustration is our own unhealed wounds and we might begin to do the work of healing our old wounds and work toward the realization of our own deeper truth.  If we are lucky, our partner has a similar realization and begins to do their own work as well.   This is the stage in which one or both parties does the work of shedding the ego and the false self (the person they brought into the marriage) so that their true self can emerge.  The old self has to die so that the new self can be born.

4) At some stage in the process (whether or not both parties are working toward their own healing), the realization is made that the marriage or relationship is not what it used to be.  Both, or one party has now changed and the relationship has to change as well.  This is the dark night of the marriage.  The marriage that was (or the illusion of the marriage) has to die so that a new marriage can emerge.  The marriage based on the ego-filled self cannot survive the newly born self-realized individuals.  This stage, like any other death, is a time of grief, sorrow, bargaining, denial and rage.    NOTE:  This is an especially difficult stage if only one of the parties in the relationship are doing their work of self-actualization, especially when it is revealed that for the self-actualizing party, divorce is a life-giving and supportive choice.  Divorce in this stage is often met by resistance, surprise and anger on the part of the un-realized individual.

5) Now….here is the delicate part of this process.  If the couple steps into this stage of the process with open communication, patience, courage and faith, and enter into it with no attachment to outcome….the new life of the relationship may emerge.  Unfortunately, most people bail before even trying to take this step.  Now, the trickiest part to this stage is to accept the possibility that continuing in a committed relationship may no longer be in the highest good of the individual parties.  After the dark night of the marriage, after honest renegotiation of who we are as individuals and who we want to be as a couple, we might realize that staying in a committed relationship is no longer mutually supportive and life-giving.  At this point, the couple ends their commitment and move on as individuals from a place of loving acceptance and compassionate support of each other as they go along their individual journeys.  In this place, divorce can be a beautiful ritual of supportive release.

6) Some marriages, after completing the process of the dark night, may discover that it is in the highest good of both parties to remain as a committed couple and enter into the process of allowing a new marriage to emerge.  The old marriage has died and the couple allows themselves to be open to a new marriage.  In this stage, an attitude of openness and detachment are necessary.  We are not creating this new marriage on our own, but allowing the universe to present to us the kind of marriage that will be mutually supportive and life-giving.  We allow ourselves to be free of ego in allowing this new relationship to emerge.

 

If you are looking for support through the Dark Night of a Relationship, or looking to build a happier and healthier relationship after a breakup or divorce, check out my new book, Happily Ever After – the Transformational Journey from “you complete me” to Beloved Partnership, available in print and Kindle versions at Amazon.com.  (Click on image below to learn more).

Click on image above to purchase on Amazon.com
Click on image above to purchase on Amazon.com
Posted in codependency, happily ever after, Relationships

Happily Ever After: my latest book available now!

Buy it Now! 

Click on image above to purchase on Amazon.com
Click on image above to purchase on Amazon.com

Happily Ever After – the Transformational Journey from “You Complete Me” to Beloved Partnership presents a new model for intimate partnership along with the process for getting there. Happily Ever After recognizes that as long as we are looking outside of ourselves for completion our relationships are doomed to fail – supporting the belief that the healthy, fulfilling and enduring love we all long for is built upon the foundation of two individuals who are complete within themselves and who have chosen to come together as equals in mutual love and support.  Interdependence, rather than co-dependency is the goal of this book and the outcome of this process.

Through personal narrative, informative dialogue, poetry, mindfulness practices, and creativity exercises; you will be invited to deconstruct existing and former patterns of co-dependency while building the foundation upon which you can find happiness and fulfillment within while preparing for the possibility of healthy interdependency with another – what is here called beloved partnership.  Once you are complete within yourself, you will settle for nothing less.

 

From the book’s introduction:

If you asked me to describe in one phrase what this book is about, I would say, “Jerry Maguire lies.” This movie has provided the single most damaging phrase to our hope for intimate partnership – “You complete me.”  When we are looking outside of ourselves for someone else to complete us, we are indulging the compulsion of co-dependency. Co-dependency arises out of the false perception that love, satisfaction and fulfillment exist outside of us, causing us to seek in another that which we falsely believe we do not possess within ourselves.  Co-dependency tells us that love has to be earned or can be taken away resulting in behaviors that cause us either to be manipulative in our search for love or vulnerable to the manipulations of another. I would argue that co-dependency, along with unmanaged anxiety, are the two most common destroyers of intimate human relationships.

Jerry Maguire is not alone, however, in supporting the long-standing culture of co-dependency predominating the West. Traditional fairytales with their happily ever after endings are another common culprit.  While all too many have learned that happily ever after isn’t always so happy, traditional fairytales are still the foundational myths upon which we establish our hopes and dreams of intimate partnership.  The difficult truth is that as long as we are looking outside of ourselves for completion, or basing our hopes on fairytale dreams, our relationships are doomed to fail.  When we are looking outside of ourselves for someone to complete us, we will never truly be satisfied and will fail in our search for a fulfilling and enduring love.  The true source of fulfillment can only come from within.

Happily Ever After – the Transformational Journey from “You Complete Me” to Beloved Partnership is based on this premise and therefore presents a different model of intimate partnership. The healthy, fulfilling and enduring love we all long for is built upon the foundation of two individuals who are complete within themselves and who have chosen to come together as equals in mutual support.  Interdependence, rather than co-dependency is the goal of this book and of the process into which you will be invited.

couple-690765_1280

 

Testimonials from Course Participants:

I embarked on the journey of the “Happily Ever After” course, with the gifted and inspirational tour guide; Lauri Ann Lumby. This process of reflections, creative exercises and self discovery revealed the power we have within to discover our own true source of happiness, fulfillment and peace so that then we can create a foundation for a healthy, mutually loving and supportive partnership.  R. M. Oshkosh, WI

Lauri’s Happily Ever After course is an essential tool for emotional well-being. I’ve benefitted greatly by learning who I am, what my needs are, and how to prevent myself from falling back into unhealthy codependent relationships. Everyone can benefit from Lauri’s guidance. You’re going to learn so much about yourself along the way!”   K.B. Appleton, WI

I feel this course allowed me to bring even more awareness to the benefit of really being your own beloved first and foremost. With the thoughtful questions and exercises- building on chapter to chapter – it allowed patterns to be brought to the surface for awareness and healing. I also gained insight into what I am really looking for in a relationship and what I am about as a woman. This course also complimented a wonderful relationship I have with the utmost Beloved-God which only looks for what is in the best for my highest good. .No more settling!   L. J. Larsen, WI

lauricurtsie2Lauri Ann Lumby, OM, MATS has been known as mother, daughter, sister, friend, wife, lover, student, teacher, counselor, minister, healer, writer, poet, heretic, witch, professional shit-disturber, heretic, and blasphemer. After more than fifty years of asking the question, “Who am I?” Lauri has come to the realization that she is just plain Lauri, and that on any given day, she can be whomever she wants to be.  Lauri is the author of the Song of the Beloved – the Gospel According to Mary Magdalene, Returning – A Woman’s Midlife Journey to Herself, Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy and Christouch – a Christ-centered Approach to Energy Medicine through Hands-on Healing.   She is also the owner of Authentic Freedom Academy in Oshkosh, Wisconsin where she lives with her two amazing children.  You can learn more about Lauri, her professional services and workshops at www.authenticfreedomacademy.com.

Posted in Beloved Partnership

Coming Soon! “Happily Ever After”

Coming Soon! 

happilyeverafter-book-cover-small

Happily Ever After – the Transformational Journey from “You Complete Me” to Beloved Partnership presents a new model for intimate partnership along with the process for getting there. Happily Ever After recognizes that as long as we are looking outside of ourselves for completion our relationships are doomed to fail – supporting the belief that the healthy, fulfilling and enduring love we all long for is built upon the foundation of two individuals who are complete within themselves and who have chosen to come together as equals in mutual love and support.  Interdependence, rather than co-dependency is the goal of this book and the outcome of this process.

Through personal narrative, informative dialogue, poetry, mindfulness practices, and creativity exercises; you will be invited to deconstruct existing and former patterns of co-dependency while building the foundation upon which you can find happiness and fulfillment within while preparing for the possibility of healthy interdependency with another – what is here called beloved partnership.  Once you are complete within yourself, you will settle for nothing less.

 

Testimonials from Course Participants:

I embarked on the journey of the “Happily Ever After” course, with the gifted and inspirational tour guide; Lauri Ann Lumby. This process of reflections, creative exercises and self discovery revealed the power we have within to discover our own true source of happiness, fulfillment and peace so that then we can create a foundation for a healthy, mutually loving and supportive partnership.  R. M. Oshkosh, WI

Lauri’s Happily Ever After course is an essential tool for emotional well-being. I’ve benefitted greatly by learning who I am, what my needs are, and how to prevent myself from falling back into unhealthy codependent relationships. Everyone can benefit from Lauri’s guidance. You’re going to learn so much about yourself along the way!”   K.B. Appleton, WI

I feel this course allowed me to bring even more awareness to the benefit of really being your own beloved first and foremost. With the thoughtful questions and exercises- building on chapter to chapter – it allowed patterns to be brought to the surface for awareness and healing. I also gained insight into what I am really looking for in a relationship and what I am about as a woman. This course also complimented a wonderful relationship I have with the utmost Beloved-God which only looks for what is in the best for my highest good. .No more settling!   L. J. Larsen, WI

lauricurtsie2Lauri Ann Lumby, OM, MATS has been known as mother, daughter, sister, friend, wife, lover, student, teacher, counselor, minister, healer, writer, poet, heretic, witch, professional shit-disturber, heretic, and blasphemer. After more than fifty years of asking the question, “Who am I?” Lauri has come to the realization that she is just plain Lauri, and that on any given day, she can be whomever she wants to be.  Lauri is the author of the Song of the Beloved – the Gospel According to Mary Magdalene, Returning – A Woman’s Midlife Journey to Herself, Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy and Christouch – a Christ-centered Approach to Energy Medicine through Hands-on Healing.   She is also the owner of Authentic Freedom Academy in Oshkosh, Wisconsin where she lives with her two amazing children.  You can learn more about Lauri, her professional services and workshops at www.authenticfreedomacademy.com.

 

Posted in Relationships

Relationship E-course:

Happily Ever After – from “you complete me” to Beloved Partnership

E-Course – completely online

Happily Ever After seeks to transform our attitudes and behaviors related to intimate partnership and does so by transforming us from the inside out.  Integrating intellectual knowledge rooted in modern psychology with mindfulness-based practices and creative expression, Happily Ever After seeks to support us in achieving wholeness.  When we feel whole and complete within ourselves, we no longer look outside of ourselves for completion and if/when we find ourselves in partnership, our relationships are mutually satisfying, supportive and interdependent.

HappilyEverAFterFlier

 

To register for the course, click on the Paypal link below.  After payment is received, you will receive an invitation to join the private Facebook discussion group and lessons will begin arriving in your email on Sunday, November 15th!  We are excited for you to join us.  Welcome to the journey!

paypal

From the course introduction: 

If you asked me to describe in one phrase what this course is about, I would say, “Jerry Maguire lies.”  This movie has provided the single most damaging phrase to our hope for intimate partnership – “You complete me.”  When we are looking outside of ourselves for someone else to complete us, we are indulging the compulsion of co-dependency. Co-dependency arises out of the false perception that love, satisfaction and fulfillment exist outside of us which then causes us to seek in another that which we falsely believe we do not possess within ourselves.  Co-dependency tells us that love has to be earned or can be taken away which then results in behaviors that cause us either to be manipulative in our search for love or vulnerable to the manipulations of another. I would argue that co-dependency, along with unmanaged anxiety, are the two most common destroyers of intimate human relationships.

brokenopen

Testimonials from course participants:

  • I embarked on the journey of the “Happily Ever After” course, with the gifted and inspirational tour guide; Lauri Ann Lumby. This process of reflections, creative exercises and self discovery revealed the power we have within to discover our own true source of happiness, fulfillment and peace so that then we can create a foundation for a healthy, mutually loving and supportive partnership.  R. M. Oshkosh, WI
  • Lauri’s Happily Ever After course is an essential tool for emotional well-being. I’ve benefitted greatly by learning who I am, what my needs are, and how to prevent myself from falling back into unhealthy codependent relationships. Everyone can benefit from Lauri’s guidance. You’re going to learn so much about yourself along the way!”   K.B. Appleton, WI
  • I feel this course allowed me to bring even more awareness to the benefit of really being your own beloved first and foremost. With the thoughtful questions and exercises- building on chapter to chapter – it allowed patterns to be brought to the surface for awareness and healing. I also gained insight into what I am really looking for in a relationship and what I am about as a woman. This course also complimented a wonderful relationship I have with the utmost Beloved-God which only looks for what is in the best for my highest good. .No more settling!   L. J. Larsen, WI
  • As a teacher, Lauri gives her students a “long leash”, allowing the reader the opportunity to be creative in finding their own solutions, or perhaps a better phrase would be, to find peace in discovering their own wisdom.  M.P. Oshkosh, WI

Click on the Paypal button above to register for the course.  For course participants who want to take this work deeper, private sessions are available with Lauri Lumby at a 15% discount for the duration of the course.

 

Posted in Authentic Freedom

Authentic Freedom Updates – Sunday Service and Crowdfunding

Sunday Service Recording

In case you missed it, below is the link to this past Sunday’s spiritual service.  The theme this week was “Beloved Partnership,” exploring the kind of love we are intended to enjoy as human beings.  It might not be what you think!  🙂

Listen to the service HERE.

Crowdfunding Update! 

I am super excited and incredibly grateful for the donations that have already been made toward our house-buying campaign, “Help Us Buy Our Home!”    With very little effort, $1800.00 have already been raised toward our final goal of $110,000.  Thank you to those who have already contributed and thank you to those who are yet to contribute.  We also welcome your help.  Go to the home page of our campaign HERE , cut and paste the link and post on your social networking sites:  Facebook, Twitter, Link’d In, etc.  along with a quick note about how Authentic Freedom Academy and our services have benefitted you and why you believe this is a worthy cause.  As my friend Ted says, “Please and Thank you!”  Now for a visual on the update:

CrowdfundingGoals

 

Posted in Beloved Partnership, codependency, Relationships

Relationship Support

As we usher in the new world, a new model of intimate human relationship is being called forth.  In the new world we move beyond co-dependency (looking for the other to complete us) to interdependency, or what I call Beloved (or Sacred) Partnership.

holdinghands

Beloved Partnership is known by two healthy and whole individuals (or at the very least, two working toward wholeness) who are coming together in partnership as sources of mutual honor, respect and support for each other.  In Beloved Partnership, both partners work toward achieving their own greatness and reaching their fullest potential, while supporting the other in doing the same.

Abraham Maslow (Motivation and Personality, 1970, pp. 181- 202), identified the following as characteristics of beloved partnership (what he called the self-actualized relationship):

  • A partnership where there is a mutual giving and receiving of love, both parties are equally able and willing to engage in both giving and receiving.
  • A healthy sexuality rooted in and reflective of love – more creative, ecstatic, orgasmic and fulfilling, yet also less about attachment. It is not a needy kind of intimacy, but instead is mutually fulfilling.
  • Pooling of needs – your needs, wants, desires, become mine and visa versa – such that there becomes one hierarchy of needs with two people seeking after their fulfillment.
  • Fun, merriment, joy, spontaneity, elation, feelings of well-being.
  • Mutual honor and respect of the other’s individual gifts, talents, drive, passions, interests, temperament, etc.
  • Mutual, authentic admiration, wonder and awe.
  • Detachment and Individuality – able to be in relationship without compromising one’s own individuality.

couple-690765_1280

Barbara Marx Hubbard (Conscious Evolution, 2015, pp. 238 – 239) says this about Beloved Partnership (what she called the co-creative couple):

Now we become the co-creative couple, which begins when both partners achieve within themselves at least the beginning of a balance between the masculine and feminine, the animus and the anima.  It begins when the woman’s initiative and vocational need is received in love by the feminine receptivity of her partner.  When she is loved for her more masculine side, she falls in love with the man’s feminine aspect, for what she needs is the nurturance of her own strength and creativity.  She loves him for his receptivity. He no longer has to prove himself by control and domination.  He can bring forth his own creativity without aggression.  And she can express her strength without fear of losing him.  Whole being joins with whole being, recreating the family at the next stage of evolution.  Same-sex couples experience a similar process of integration and joining to emancipate each other (p. 238).

Authentic Freedom Academy provides support for both new couples hoping to build Beloved Partnership and for existing couples who find themselves at the stage of needing to re-negotiate a relationship that may have been established on the former model of co-dependency (wanting the other to complete us).

To learn more about Beloved Partnership support, contact Lauri Ann Lumby (920) 230-1313 or email lauri@authenticfreedomacademy.com.

Posted in Being Human, Beloved Partnership, Initiation, Mary Magdalene

Order of the Magdalene

This past Tuesday, I had the great privilege of witnessing four women accept the call to be bearers of love in the world through their own unique giftedness as they received acceptance into the Order of the Magdalene/Christ.  One participant, after receiving ordination, was gifted with the following message – for those present and for all who might read this.  Here was the message imparted upon her:

“We are the light that is changing our planet.  We are the Magdalene.  Keep your hearts open and we ( Mary and friends) will work through you.  Many men are coming forth as Divine Masculine.  It is as if the curtain has dropped.  You cannot hide any longer. The curtain was fear.  The masculine and feminine are partnering.” 

Lewis Williams, SFO
Lewis Williams, SFO

These words could not better describe what I have understood to be true about the call of the Magdalene/Christ – to birth into the world the full integration of the Human and the Divine within us through the embodiment of the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine coexisting in harmony within us.  We are becoming a new order of human beings – modeled by Jesus and Mary Magdalene and other Beloved Partners like them.

Toward that end, I am once again offering my Resurrecting the Magdalene course for women and men in the Oshkosh and surrounding area who are interested in claiming the Divine within them – both masculine and feminine – and learning how to do so through the model of Mary Magdalene in her time with Jesus.  To learn more, click HERE. 

 

Posted in Beloved Partnership, codependency, Relationships

Beloved Partnership? How You Can Love Me!

The purpose of my e-course Happily Ever After, is to support those who long for a new paradigm in human intimate relationship – one that is not rooted in co-dependency, as our past models have been, but one rooted, instead, in mutual respect and interdependence – the relationship I call “Beloved Partnership.”  Below is a list of how those in Beloved Partnership love each other….spoken from the perspective of the Divine Feminine, but which could just as easily be translated from the perspective of the Divine Masculine……Also know that the work outlined here is expected to be a mutual effort with both parties loving the other as they are feeling loved.

acehearts

How can you love me?……Let me count the ways:

First and foremost take time to know who I am. Not who you want me to be or the illusions of me you’ve created in your mind. If I’m not for you (or visa versa), let’s move on in mutual agreement….not waiting for each other to change or trying to change the other. Our perfect match is out there waiting….why waste our time with one who isn’t our match?

After we’ve agreed we match in the ways that are important to each other…..then and only then do I ask you to:

Spend time with me and when you do, pay attention. Be with me HERE. Listen to me. Hear what I am saying and remember it – if not the details, hear the energy and intention of it.

When you find yourself distracted by your own thoughts, worries, preoccupations, insecurities, fears, etc. take responsibility for it. Say, “I’m sorry, I lost focus, I got distracted by my own…give me a second to refocus…” Then, refocus.

Take responsibility for your own anxieties, fears and unhealed wounds and recognize when you are being triggered. Don’t blame me. Inform me so I can support you in moving through and transforming them.

Listen to what my needs are and be present as a source of support in helping me get these needs met. I’m not asking you to be my needs, but support me in getting them met.

Create with me an equal balance of shared interests and individual pursuits and where appropriate, participating in each other’s interests. I don’t need you to share everything with me…..but I enjoy when you take interest in my joys and I enjoy taking interest in yours.

Work with me in encouraging time with friends and family independent of couple time.

Encourage me in the pursuit of my dreams and support me in the things I need to cultivate these dreams. Know I will do the same for you.

Show me love through your personal love language while being attentive to mine (touch, words of affirmation, gift giving, acts of service, quality time).

Speak kindly and gently to me.

Say please and thank you and say, “I love you,” often.

When you lose your patience or your temper (we’re all human after all), take it back, say you are sorry and then name what is really bothering you.

Appreciate who I am, what I do, what I bring to the world and our relationship. Express your gratitude in some OBVIOUS way. Don’t assume I know you are grateful.

Ask for my help when needed – especially when you are afraid of appearing weak for asking.

Accept my help when offered.

Show me your strength and your vulnerability. I want you to be authentic- with yourself and with me. It’s ok to be sad, scared, insecure, frustrated and angry.

Know what your needs are and communicate them to me. Let me know how I can help support you in getting them met…and then let me.

Be a person with whom I can feel safe.

Be impeccable with your word and stay true to any commitments we have agreed upon.

Put your arm around me. Cuddle me. Lay your hand on the small of my back to let me know you’re there and that we belong together. And by all means…..MAKE Sweet, toe-curling LOVE TO ME…….OFTEN!

Remember my birthday, mother’s day, our anniversary and other holidays with a card at least – dinner and/or a gift is great too!

Support me in expressing myself through my own unique style. If you don’t like what I’m wearing….keep your mouth shut and NEVER tell me I look fat!

Never finish a sentence that begins with “I know you don’t want to hear this…..” or “Don’t take this the wrong way.” A) You’re right, I don’t want to hear it and B) I am sure to take it the wrong way if you have to qualify it this way!

If I have children, love them and support me in my parenting of them.

And now……for those considering sharing a household……

If we share a household, participate equally in the needs of running a house and home, distributing tasks according to our own gifts and passions and equally tackling those tasks we both abhor.

If we share a home, create with me a space that is reflective of both our styles. I reserve the right, however, to invoke the Wisconsin Clause – relegating trophies (including hunting trophies), beer or sports signs or memorabilia to the man cave. If there isn’t one, I will help you build it!

Support me in the use of my princess card for things like changing a tire, shoveling a driveway, hauling mulch, catching bats. I’m happy to be independent and do the things I am able to do….and these acts are just chivalrous – which most women find sexy! Doing these things for me just might get you some! 😉

And….. never lose your sense of humor.  🙂

To learn more about the Happily Ever After course, click HERE.  Registration is still open.  This week’s lesson will be emailed to you upon registration.