Posted in Midlife Journey, Relationships

Midlife Crisis and Affairs?

Midlife crisis and affairs????  I’m NOT touching that one with a ten-foot pole!  😉  All we need to know is that affairs are a symptom and not the cause.  If you or your partner is/has had an emotional or sexual affair, there are deeper issues afoot.  If you think the relationship has to end because of an affair – you are wrong.  Yes, there is betrayal and grief.  (For support with forgiveness practices, click HERE and follow the respective links.) And yes, you need to grieve and work toward releasing the betrayal….but the affair is not the cause of your relationship issues, the issues that led to the affair are the cause.  Confront these issues first, then see if the marriage needs to dissolve.


For some couples, the affair becomes the catalyst that forces them to confront the unresolved issues in their relationship – communication issues, temperament differences, unmet needs, ungrieved losses and disappointments, etc.  Once these issues are resolved, some couples rediscover their love for each other and come together to negotiate a new and healthier relationship and both parties are better for the journey.

Of course, some couples are unable to resolve these issues and it becomes apparent that divorce is in the highest good for all involved.  Other couples discover that perhaps they never should have gotten married in the first place and are happy to part ways.  The moral of the story is that affairs (emotional, imaginal or sexual) sometimes happen.  Sometimes they end up facilitating healthy and positive change in a relationship.  Sometimes they are the harbinger of doom.  Either way…find out the root of the affair first, then decide what you want to do about it.

Posted in Midlife Journey

How to Identify a Midlife Crisis

How to Identify a Midlife Crisis

Midlife and Menopause – Midlife Crisis and Rude Awakenings

During midlife, menopause and perimenopause, we are invited to let go of the life we have known in order to make room for the birth of our Soul.  Soul is the uniquely creative way in which we have been gifted to find meaning, purpose, connection and fulfillment and the way in which we are called to be of service to the betterment of our world.  The midlife journey begins with an awakening and the awakening is not usually pleasant, hence the term, midlife crisis. In today’s blog…..Rude Awakenings in Midlife!

midlife crisis
midlife crisis

Rude Awakenings in Midlife and Menopause

Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, a significant loss, a life-threatening experience, the forced weaning of a child…these are the things that heralded the beginning of my own midlife crisis.  Forced out of the comfort of what had been, the euphoria of nursing’s oxytocin bliss and the joy of a fulfilling and rewarding job, I was plunged head-first into post-traumatic stress, post-partum depression and the cold, hard reality of a not-so-healthy marriage and a career that was slowly dying on the vine.  13 years later, I am still finding my way through the labyrinthine paths of midlife and perimenopause – recreating myself eight or so times, finally to let the Universe decide who I am supposed to be…but it all started with the midlife crisis – an awakening….and a rude awakening it was.

Midlife Crisis

I have discovered that the rudeness of awakening, the midlife crisis,  is typical of the midlife journey.  In order to wake up to our true selves, we have to be shaken, cajoled, hurled out of the comfort of status quo so that we can set our feet upon the path of our Soul….our Truth…or Gifts and our Passion.  For me, it was a (literal) hailstorm, the departure of a much-loved employer and friend, and the forced weaning of my infant son.  For you it might have been the loss of a job, a medical diagnosis, the death of a parent, dear friend or spouse.  It might also have been the discovery of a partner’s infidelity or your own emotional or sexual affair.  Whatever heralded

your midlife journey and started the midlife crisis, it was no doubt painful in some way and required you to take a second (or 100th) look at your life.  If we are to survive the midlife crisis, we are not to run from the trumpet call of our awakening, but to boldly and courageously walk straight into it, embracing the death of what has been so that we can be readied for the new life that promises to be born – a life where we will find contentment, joy, fulfillment and the reward of contributing to the healing and transformation of our world.

How did you experience your midlife crisis?

How did you respond to its call?

Lauri Ann Lumby provides support for individuals and couples who are facing the midlife crisis through one-on-one mentoring, classes, workshops and retreats.  To contact Lauri call (920) 230-1313 or email