Posted in About Lauri, teachers

Spiritual Teachers – Keepin’ it Real!

I often think one of the biggest obstacle to people getting the spiritual support and guidance they need is the illusion that spiritual teachers are perfect or that we are inhuman (untouchable, unreachable) in some way. As one who has been called a “spiritual teacher” and who has crafted a public presence around this work, I will be the first to tell you that this illusion could not be farther from the truth.  If someone presents the illusion of being perfect or acts as if they are, they are lying and not likely who you want as a teacher anyway.  Let’s keep it real, shall we!?   I am sharing and then inviting some of the other “public” teachers I know to share their own thoughts on who they are and how they spend their time when they are not being “teacher.”

I’m Lauri. Just Lauri.  When I’m not working with clients and students (and even … or maybe especially when I am…..) I am excruciatingly REAL!  Other than maintaining my commitment to my daily spiritual practice and feeding my own need for spiritual support, I don’t do any of those things lauded by certain “spiritual teachers.”

I don’t worry about thinking the “right” thoughts. First of all, to believe there are right or wrong thoughts is a form of judgment arising out of separation.  Thoughts are neutral, it is what we do with them that decides if they are “good” or “bad” FOR US.

I am no longer a vegetarian. I’m not a raw foodie.  I’m definitely not vegan.  I LOVE MEAT – especially rare, red meat – beef or lamb preferably.  I have tried other nutrition philosophies and I have found that my body needs meat to stay healthy…and my veggies need to be cooked.  I also don’t fast.  Again, I have learned that with my fragile constitution, fasting is BAD….for me.  I also take pharmaceuticals.  I’ve tried the herbal remedies for anxiety, depression, high blood pressure and reflux….and none of them worked.  Zoloft it is!

I curse…..a lot. Some would say, “Like a sailor.”  Fuck is my favorite word and I soooo appreciate the Brits for reminding me of the appropriate use of the C-word and other “misogynistic insults.”  Whatever!  These words are only offensive if we choose to be offended by them.  I am offended by very little other than ignorance and stupidity…and even then, that’s my shit, not yours!

When I’m not sprinkling messages of love…..my tendency is to be a self-righteous, judgmental hag with wild raging anger. My friends and family have seen my rage/passion.  It usually comes out when I witness injustice!  I wonder how people can be so uncaring, ignorant and (on bad days) stupid!  Then I get on my soapbox and start ranting….to anyone who will listen.  But that’s just me.  I can be a self-righteous asshole and I own it.  I’m done judging myself for being REAL!

Sometimes my anxiety comes out sideways. Just yesterday I lost it on my daughter for no other reason than I was feeling anxious for some unknown reason (which was revealed later) and couldn’t find a parking spot for a local event (while ranting about our dumb city for not having enough public parking, thereby not really supporting downtown businesses.  J  )

Now….how do I spend my time you ask? That’s easy.  WATCHING NETFLIX!  There is nothing better than finding a show I love and immersing myself in its world. Penny Dreadful and Game of Thrones (not yet on Netflix) are two of my favorites…..oh yeah…..and BBC’s Sherlock.  I love that “high functioning sociopath!!!”

Same with books. Sadly I haven’t found any good ones lately….I have a specific genre I lean toward, but my current guilty pleasure is anything by Maggie Stiefvater.  Raven Boys ROCKS!  And it’s not just silly frivolous “teen lit.”  Her shit is GOOD!

Music…..the heavier the better. Disturbed, Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson are a few of my favs – mixed in with a little Sarah McLachlan (when I’m feeling melancholy or mournful) and Bach (when I’m feeling sophisticated!  😉 )  And when I’m longing for “home” I crank up the Irish – Clannad, Altan, Mary Black.

Speaking of sophisticated – NOT!  You will never find me at the Country Club or a Debutante Ball (WHO DOES THAT!?).  I’ll be at the local coffee shop – the artsy one tossing back a dark roast – the darker the better….or the local tavern, savoring a Guinness.  I have NO designer clothes, purses, or shoes unless they came from Goodwill.  In fact, I cannot remember the last time I bought anything from a department store.  Socks and underwear maybe.  The only thing I splurge on is bras.  Nothing compares to a good bra that fits well and lasts!  Thank you Victoria’s Secret!

What else? I have OCD.  Only a mild form…..but there are a few things that either oog me out or which I obsess about (like leaving a preposition at the end of a sentence……I will likely lose sleep tonight over that one!).  Wet wood (wooden spoons, paper, etc ) totally creeps me out.  It makes my skin crawl.  I hate dirty kitchens and bathrooms and hair in the sink makes me CRAZY….which is really fun in a household with two long-haired women!  There’s more but you get the gist.

I’m a mom. More than anything in the whole wide world, I love my (now adult) children.  I love them fiercely!  I am their greatest fan – even when (especially when) they are being REALLY REAL.  They have their own gifts and challenges and I love them all the more for it – all of it.  When my son is being an asshole (usually in the face of injustice) I celebrate it.  When my daughter is doing nothing but watching Anime’ I know it is her way of decompressing from this too-loud and too-violent world…and then I join her!

So…..that’s me. Raging self-righteous, judgemental, cursing hag and all.  I’m about as real as they get which is ultimately why every single one of my clients and students love working with me.  If I’m excruciatingly real……it gives them permission to be the same.

Now, what’s your story?

 

Lauri Ann Lumby is available for one-on-one mentoring, and offers support through her online training programs.

 

 

 

Posted in Discernment, Inspiration, Lessons, Spiritual Practices, teachers, temptation

“Satan’s” Impeccable Timing

Lessons on confronting the adversary…

 

Saturday morning I was reminded that Satan is real. “He” showed up on my doorstep in the person condemning me to hell for, in so many words, being a witch.  I’m not talking about the anthropomorphic white guy in the red morph suit sporting horns on his head and wielding a pitch fork while threatening the unbaptized with an eternity in hell, or worse – demonic possession.  I’m talking about the REAL Satan…..the one that dwells within each of us and which often gets projected outside of us in persons and experiences that remind us of where we have forgotten we are love.

Since I can no longer believe in a place called hell and I suspect what the ancients called possession was nothing more than medical conditions they did not yet understand and could not control…the only Satan I can believe in is the one who dwells within. Our Jewish ancestors would agree.  Satan is a Hebrew word after all and it means adversary – specifically, the adversary within – that which tempts us away from our original nature which is love.  The adversary shows up as we are drawing closer to the path of our Soul, to “God’s will” for us, and every time we take a step toward our Divine calling.  The adversary shows up to challenge us: “Are you sure about this? Are you really committed to following your Divine calling and the path of meaning and fulfillment that you were born to accomplish? Are you truly committed to being the Love that God is calling you to be?”

So when Satan showed up on my doorstep via email Saturday morning, I was not surprised. In fact, I should have been expecting him and had some coffee and cookies out waiting for him. For you see…..I have recently taken ENORMOUS steps closer to my Soul’s calling.  I said yes to the Divine invitation to simplify my life and recently completed a physical move which required the letting go, not only of physical possessions, but the letting go of my home office and classroom, the life I had been living for the past 6 (or maybe 20) years and all the titles, associations, plans, contrivances, etc. etc. etc. I had created around that life.  I had to be done making plans and simply enter into the void allowing the Universe to carry me…..which it has.  I had to let it all go so I could be open to SOMETHING AMAZING I GUESS…..that I don’t yet know and hasn’t yet been manifest.  Though there have been glimpses:

Our new home.  To say I love it would be an understatement.  A home that I came by in a magical way (as I always do) and which even more perfectly fits my vibe, my energy, my wants, needs and desires than the place we had been living.  It is a place that reflects my heart and I could not be more thrilled. (and my kids like it too).

A side gig. In the midst of this transition and literally in the middle of the move, an opportunity for a side-gig showed up. As a “friend of the millennials” it makes perfect sense that I have an opportunity to live as they live……one job among many so they/we can do their/our passion. Enter…..side gig….one with the potential for further involvement using my truest gifts.

A new book. What would a crisis be in the life of Lauri Lumby without a book coming out of it? I was as surprised as my readers to see another book coming forth ready for publishing.  Available NOW on Amazon!!!!!

A secret. Another development which I will keep close to my heart. I’ll just say that if this is what I think it might be, it would be the fulfillment of a lifelong dream and something I have worked very hard toward accomplishing/receiving.  (cue Disney)

With all of this, of course Satan showed up at my front door. As always, his timing is impeccable.  He showed up to challenge me.  He showed up triggering unhealed wounds.  He showed up to test my resolve.  He showed up hoping to make me afraid so that I might quit “the evil” work I am doing in the world.  And I did what the REAL Satan calls us to do….I met him toe to toe, eye to eye, heart to heart.  Yes Satan, I see you.  And YES I am sure about the LOVE I am doing in the world.  And your fear will not stop me.  Thank you for showing up and telling me how truly magnificent the things that are unfolding in my life.  The fact that you are here tells me that something amazing is already happening.  Thank you.

 

 

Posted in Authentic Freedom, Boundaries, Inspiration, Lessons, Oneness with God, Spiritual Practices, teachers, temptation

Confronting the Adversary

Depriving the Devil of His Power

Today’s teaching is about how to handle the “Devil” when he comes to call.  Here I will use a recent personal experience to illustrate how to confront the adversary, thereby depriving him of his power while restoring ourselves to our natural state of peace.  

When I mention the devil, I’m not referring to the dude in the red tights with horns and a pitchfork. Here I’m speaking about Satan, the name used in scripture to represent the inner adversary – the energy within us that comes forth in our lives to tempt us away from the path of our truth and who does so through our ego attachments, unhealed wounds and unacknowledged fears. Satan most often shows up within us in our fears, self-doubts and insecurities, but because we are One, Satan sometimes shows up through the actions of another who plays the role of the Adversary so as to show us what is in need of healing within us.

The Adversary can show up at any time in our lives, but “he” shows up more forcefully as we are preparing to or are in the midst of stepping more fully into our truth. The closer we get to our truth and to fulfilling the Divine purpose for our lives, the harder the Adversary works against us.  In this regard, the Adversary is something to be welcomed as he is in fact signaling that we are on the right path and he is giving us the opportunity to strengthen our resolve and grow in resiliency.  In this sense, the Adversary is our friend because he gives us an opportunity to see him for who he is, identify the inner fear that he is triggering within us and then move through and heal those fears so that we are even more free to live out our Divine purpose. In the personal experience of the Adversary that I am about to share, I have decided to receive him as a friend, as a sign that I am on the right path and in this I can thank him for reflecting back to me the fears that are still in need of healing as I move forward in my path.

Here’s how my experience of the Adversary showed up to me this morning:

As I mentioned earlier this week, I have entered into a professional collaboration with Kayla Burger of DesignLife. She recently featured some of my work in her video blog on anxiety, depression and panic attacks.  Kayla and I have arrived at a similar approach to dealing with these conditions in our own lives and have generously shared this approach with others as a complement to traditional methods of treatment.

In response to this video blog and my sharing of it, the following comment was posted:

Kayla was kind enough to delete the post, recognizing it as evidence of spite. She then shared the information with me and I immediately knew from whom the comment originated. My first reaction was to feel hurt.  Then I felt angry.  I chose not to reach out to the individual who wrote the comment as I knew it wouldn’t do any good.  While I know I did nothing wrong, they have formed their opinion.  I have hundreds of satisfied students and clients, and the opinion of one has no bearing on the experience of hundreds. Furthermore, I strongly believe that the truth stands on its own and wins out in the end.

In spite of deciding all of this, I still felt disturbed so I put my own tools into practice, recognizing this comment as the work of the Adversary. The timing of the Adversary’s arrival is quite interesting as Confronting the Adversary was the very topic of my Order of Melchizedek training course yesterday.  Also interesting is that the past week has been a huge time of expansion for me with the collaboration with DesignLife, the Feast of the Magdalene Summit and the upcoming Wild Woman Renaissance Summit that I will participate in on August 1st.  Expansion.  Expansion.  Expansion.  No wonder the Devil came a callin’!

In choosing to post these comments on Kayla’s site, this person played the role of the Adversary – triggering and reflecting back to me the fears that are not yet healed in me – the fear of rejection, or being seen as a fraud – both reflective of my own personal need to be seen as good, helpful and loveable. In spewing their wrath, this person has unwittingly helped me to see my unhealed fears and has provided me with an opportunity to do the work I know how to do to bring healing and release to these fears. They also helped me to see that I am indeed on the right path or the Adversary wouldn’t have shown up so forcefully.  Applying all I know about the Adversary I am now restored to peace and in this, I actually find myself grateful for the person who posted these comments on Kayla’s site.

Thank you dear friend for accepting the calling of the Adversary and in doing so, helping me to recognize and heal some fears. Know that I am grateful and as I am accepting the task of healing that you have set before me, I am holding you in love.  I wish you peace.

 

 

Posted in End of the World Prophecies, New World, teachers, world changes

Nothing Good to Say

I wish I had something good to say about the events that are unfolding in our world, but I don’t. The military and law-enforcement response to the peaceful protest at Standing Rock is beyond repulsive.  The team that our  president-elect is gathering around him, quite frankly, frightens me.  The ongoing violence in Syria, the millions who have been killed and the millions who are now displaced is inexcusable.  The political tensions arising throughout the world is palpable.  And the teetering global financial markets are enough to disturb any rational human being.  As an empath and a highly sensitive person, I have been feeling the disturbance of all of this in increased anxiety, vertigo, and today, I’m on day 6 of a migraine headache.  To say that what is going on in our world “sucks” is an understatement.

But as a “spiritual teacher” I’m supposed to have something good to say about all this suck-i-ness, right?! I’m supposed to give us something to be hopeful about, right?  I’m supposed to shed some whoo whoo light on this, right?!  Please, Lauri, Please, give us something good to feel about all this yuk!!!  But the bottom line is, there is nothing good about any of this.  There is nothing good because it is all rooted in BAD!

For a very long time, our political system has sucked! No longer is it “by the people for the people,” it is for those who hold the gold, who pad the pockets of our lawmakers to satisfy their own greedy and selfish needs…..hence the protests at Standing Rock!

For a very long time, the United States has been one of the biggest assholes in the world. Waving the banner of our consumeristic, capitalistic, white, privileged, affluent society (with our spokespersons, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West!), while the rest of the world struggles just to feed themselves and keep a roof over their head.  No wonder other countries hate us!

For a very long time, we have not cared for our earth. We have raped it (after raping and killing the First Nation peoples who treated our planet as sacred) and pillaged it for our own selfish means.  And then, when some people got smart and pointed out the damage we were doing to our planet and secured safeguards for keeping our air and water clean, “those who hold the gold” picked up their manufacturing facilities and deported their toxic manufacturing practices to developing countries so they could destroy the environments there (now we’re back to being the assholes).

Then there’s the whole money and banking thing. To begin with, our money isn’t even real!  It’s no longer based in gold.  It isn’t even based in oil.  Our money is based in DEBT!  Do you understand what that means?  The American dollar is worth LESS THAN ZERO!  LESS THAN ZERO!  This doesn’t even make sense!  Sure, it would make sense if we stood any chance of getting back even some of the money the United States has loaned out with interest.  But since the whole rest of the world’s money is also based in debt…..good luck with that!  In short, we all owe each other a shit-ton of money, with no chance whatsoever of any of it every being paid back.  EVER!  There is only ONE possible outcome to this financial debacle and that is COMPLETE GLOBAL FINANCIAL COLLAPSE.  Duh!

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Why are we not hearing more about this – any of this? Because the media is doing a damn good job of keeping us distracted, and they are using glamour, affluence, greed, and fear to distract us.  While we are busy “keeping up with the Kardashians,” the world around us is falling apart – and that is not just in Syria, it is happening right here in our own country if we would take the time to look around.

In case you missed it, these are just a few of the systems that are on the brink of complete collapse:

  • Healthcare
  • Education
  • Governance
  • Banking and Finance
  • Religion (I’m not sure how many bankruptcies the Catholic Church can handle without completely disintegrating)

Since these are the systems on which the rest of our culture is based, there is only one possible outcome: collapse.   And at the deepest parts of our souls, when we are woefully honest with ourselves, we know this.

So, what are we going to do about this? What can we do about this? In short….NOTHING. There is nothing we can do to save these systems as they barrel toward collapse, nor should we.  These are the systems that were based in a fear, power and control model and if we are going to survive as a species, these models HAVE TO GO!  So, in the immortal words of Princess Elsa, “Let it go!”

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There is something we can do, however. And it is something we should do, and must do, if we are going to survive the collapse, and support the new world as it is born out of the ash of the old:

CARE FOR OURSELVES!

It has never been more important, critically important, that we learn how to care for ourselves in the face of a collapsing world. Being hospice to the old world as it lays dying and midwifing the birth of the new world means taking care of ourselves.  Helping the world as it simultaneously goes through its death throes and birth pains, starts with ourselves.  As one wise teacher once said to me:

“The most loving thing you can do for those you love is to what is most loving for yourself.”

Self-care begins with self-knowledge. Asking ourselves what is life-giving for ourselves and what is not and setting boundaries around that.  We need to create a space in our own lives in which we can feel safe – saying yes to what is life-giving and no to what is not.  This saying no so that we can say yes includes rooting out those relationships that are life-sucking and letting them go.

We must find/create/deepen our commitment to SOMETHING in our life that helps us to know peace, love, even joy. What that something is from person to person will vary, but we need this something….and we need it daily.  For me, it is my daily spiritual practice of ritual, meditating with scripture, mantra, and journaling.  Yours might be your daily run, or knitting your grandchild a sweater.  Whatever that something is…DO IT.  And make it a priority.  What we give to ourselves comes back one hundred fold!

DETACH. I cannot say this enough.  Detach from anything and everything that causes you upset or pain.  If the news disturbs you, turn it off!  (That does not mean stop being informed, it means be VERY CHOOSEY about what news sources you read/watch and take EVERYTHING they say with a grain of salt.  Today, most news is meant not to inform, but to manipulate.  Be discerning!).  If you find yourself jealous or distracted by news stories of the “rich and famous,” go to your local soup kitchen and remind yourself of how MOST OF THE WORLD really lives!  Stop listening to your “friends” and family members who want to scare you into believing their fears.  And when you find yourself triggered……DO that thing that gives you peace.  Let go of the fear and come back to peace. Again, it boils down to caring for ourselves.  If we do not care for ourselves in a world facing collapse, we will get sucked down with the collapse and experience our own demise.

It is as grave as this. What are you going to choose?  Life or (spiritual) death?

To help support yourself in the face of pending global collapse, and to experience that support in the context of like-minded community, check out the two offerings of the Authentic Freedom Spiritual Community:

If you are in Oshkosh/Fox Valley, Wisconsin, join us for our weekly gatherings.

If you are elsewhere, consider joining our weekly online community:

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Posted in Authentic Freedom, Being Human, Death, Freedom, God, Inspiration, Mary Magdalene, Spiritual Formation, teachers, women

Power in the Darkness

After creating and launching three new online courses, including my entire Authentic Freedom and Magdalene Priestess Training curricula, I have been enjoying a creative hiatus. As creative types understand, after massive creative output, one needs time to empty and then refuel for the next creative flow.  I am emptying and refueling by binge-watching the Showtime series Penny Dreadful, and boy am I glad I FINALLY took my creative sisters’ advise in watching this show.  I am luxuriating in every sumptuous character and am captivated by every word, image and storyline.  I LOVE this show and it just happens to be in my favorite literary genre – Victorian Gothic Horror. Penny Dreadful is the story of my life – and the life of every woman and man I know who, like the characters in this tale, have found their power in the darkness.

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Penny Dreadful is the story of Vanessa Ives, a young woman destined to be either the bride of Satan, or the savior of the human race; the men who fight for her victory and the women who seek to destroy her. Penny Dreadful is about Vanessa’s struggle with the power within her that will either become her destruction, or lead her to salvation.  Vanessa’s deepest motivation is love, but she is tempted by that which leads her to darkness.  The dark forces wish to possess Vanessa, while she continually reaches toward the light.  Not always is Vanessa victorious, but it is her humanness that makes her character so compelling.  What if you had the power to destroy your enemies with a single thought and projection of your desire?  What if the price of this is only the price of your Soul – a Soul that longs to believe in a benevolent God, but finding in the human condition that we are ever and always alone?

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Vanessa’s story is our story. The human journey is nothing if it is not a teacher.  Like the seed that must break through its own shell and crawl its way through (seemingly) miles of soil before it can find the sun, life presents us with challenges and obstacles that we must find our way through if we are ever to find our own light.  Vanessa’s story is the story of the honest, the vulnerable, and the courageous who, when confronted with the difficulties of life, find their way through them – sometimes crawling on our hands and knees begging for mercy, other times walking on a bed of burning coals stubbornly moving toward their goal.  And like Vanessa, when we find ourselves on the other side of the darkness, we know freedom and the newfound sense of accomplishment in having vanquished the “demon.”  Here we have found our power – power over our fears, power over our compulsions, power over temptation, power over the darkness and power over death.  And it was in facing the darkness that we have found our strength.

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Power in the Darkness

Power born out of darkness.

Power honed through suffering.

Power that arises on the other side of pain –

Or rather, in the midst of it.

Power at home with death and loss and all measures of darkness –

Depression, disease, despair.

Power not for the sake of evil,

But in service to the Good.

Power that finds its strength in staring down fear,

Standing toe-to-toe with “Satan”

And the obstacles “he” casts in our way.

Power born out of darkness for the sake of the light.

Diving into the shadows, we find our return.

The heroine’s journey –

For only those gifted with bringing forth life can equally midwife death.

The power of what used to be called “witch” but is really

Divine Wholeness finding its place in the world.

Copyright 2016 Lauri Ann Lumby

Find your power through our online courses which empower you through the darkness:

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Posted in About Lauri, Authentic Freedom, Being Human, Forgiveness, Freedom, guilt, Healing, Jesus, Lessons, manifestation, self-actualization, Spiritual Practices, teachers

There’s Nothing Noble or Courageous about Being Poor

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I share my stories of personal growth and transformation because I learned long ago that as I heal these wounds in myself, similar wounds are somehow being healed in others…especially when I am courageous enough to share.

So….here goes another sharing….this one confessing a long-held jealousy and hatred of the rich – especially those who seem to bask in their privilege bragging, boasting, showing off all that their wealth provides (ala Kim Kardashian and Kanye West).

I am totally aware that this pattern of jealously is merely a projection of my resentment over “not being rich.” I also now understand that it has also been a reflection of the way in which I have rejected the part of me that longs for a life of comfort where my financial needs are all being met and in which I don’t have to worry where my next rent payment will come from.  Deeply imbedded in this rejection is a coping mechanism that I was only able to identify today – I had somehow, somewhere decided that there is something noble and courageous in being poor (I sense this somehow stems from my Catholic upbringing).  In spite of Jesus’ admonishment about it being more difficult for the rich to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven that it would be for a camel to fit into the eye of a needle (the explanation of which is a whole other blog entirely!), there is nothing noble or courageous about being poor!

My earliest recollection of “hating the rich” started with my grade school nemesis, who here shall remain unnamed. This nemesis was not initially an enemy, in fact, she was a friend (or so I thought).  She was the only one among my classmates who was obvious about what her parents possessed in the way of status, power, position and “wealth.”  Most of us didn’t care, (which is perhaps why she was so loud about it.) and it truly wasn’t her verbosity that soured our friendship….it was her cruelty. Somewhere, somehow, she decided I was her competition.  This envy then came through in duplicitous acts – being kind to me and inviting me to her parties, then being downright cruel to me every chance she got.  In my young mind, mean and rich must mean the rich are mean, right?

Then came “Jane P. Morgan” (name changed to protect the guilty).  “JP Morgan” was a sorority “sister.”  She was also “new rich.”  Every single day, she would descend the front staircase of the TriDelt house and loudly proclaim to anyone who was within earshot, an inventory of what she was wearing that day (or should I say “who”), and how much each item cost.  Her $700.00 Gucci shoes, $300.00 Coach purse, $300.00 Ellen Tracey skirt, and $400.00 Ralph Lauren sweater.  Nobody gave a crap what, who or the price of what she was wearing that day.  Because the seed of money-hate had already been planted in me, I self-righteously echoed the inventory of my own clothing choice for the day – My $30.00 Target knock-off Coach bag, my $5.00 vest and $7.00 skirt from Ragstock and my dad’s old Hanes T-shirt.  Upon reflection, I was as proud of my “Little Orphan Annie” wardrobe as JPM was of her designer fare.  Me thinks we both protesteth too much.

For 35 years, the ghosts of the nemesis and JPM have haunted me – hurling their taunts and jeers over all they have, reminding me of what I do not – Success. Fame.  Status.  Power.  Riches.  Wealth.  Money.  I have intermittently run from these ghosts and when I tire of running, returning their jeers with my own self-righteous poverty. When it isn’t the voice of the nemesis or JPM whispering in my ear, it is the Pepsodent smile of a certain disgustingly rich Christian minister, Kanye and Kim, “The Donald” and every other filthy rich individual who waves the banner of their wealth for all to see.  And when I grew tired of their whispering, I dug my heels even more deeply into my “noble” poverty.

Jesus was poor, right?! (or was he really?????? Scripture doesn’t really say).  The Church always lauded the blessings of the poor, the sick, the lame….they will be the first welcomed into the Kingdom of Heaven.  If I want to be perfect, loved, welcome home by our “Heavenly Creator” it would be better if I were poor, right?  And then I look into the faces of the truly poor and decide that if they are to be fed, clothed, housed, it is best if I make do with only the bare essentials so that they may one day live.  If the rest of the world won’t take care of them, then Lauri Lumby needs to.  Right????

WRONG! And if I didn’t get this message the fourteenth time, God made sure this past weekend that I would get it!  After not just one….but three….encounters with my own resentment toward wealth, I had to ask myself a difficult question:

 

“How is my repulsion of the rich reflective of my own unhealed wounds around money?”

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OUCH. OUCH.  OUCH….and… OUCH!

 

Not just ouch……world spinning, bring me to my knees, full-blown panic attack OUCH!

(Karen Schmidt….are you listening? Thank you for being the first to TRULY see the source of my panic attacks!  I love you!)

 

Again, OUCH which brings me full-circle:

 

There is nothing courageous or noble about being poor! In fact, it sucks!  I’m damn tired of putting the burden of poverty on my own shoulders out of some misplaced wound (lie) about money and those who wield it.

Because here is something I know about the world….

Not every person who is rich is evil. In fact, many rich, kind, benevolent people come to mind:  JK Rowling, Kate Middleton, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen Degeneres (aka “generous”), Meryl Streep, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie….all kinds of rich and famous people do amazingly loving and generous things with their money….money about which they make no boasts.

I also know that within everyone who boasts of their wealth, or shows off what they have, is a wound greater than any wound I could possible imagine. So for them I pray – for their fear, unhealed wounds, insecurities, lack of self-knowledge, etc. the same fear, unhealed wounds, insecurities and lack of self-knowledge that led me to judge the rich in the first place!

HELLO MIRROR!

I’m sorry. Please Forgive Me.  I love you.  Thank you!

And so it is…..AMEN!

When Lauri Ann Lumby isn’t being a self-righteous hag, she is helping others to identify and bring healing to the unhealed wounds within themselves – those wounds which are preventing them from being their most authentic, self-actualized and fulfilled selves.  Click here to learn more about what Lauri Ann Lumby provides through Authentic Freedom Academy. 

 

 

Posted in About Lauri, Divine Revelation, Mary Magdalene, Mystics, teachers

Magdalene at the Front Door – The Dream that Started it All

Today’s blog continues my experiment with Hildegard of Bingen medicine – sharing my visions in the hopes of supporting the healing and release of 9 months of migraines, panic attacks, vertigo and other things! In today’s blog, I share the dream that started it all….the dream in which Mary Magdalene came knocking at my front door.

Mary Magdalene by Dana Lumby
Mary Magdalene by Dana Lumby

It’s been so many years since I was visited upon by “the dream that started it all”… that I can’t even be sure of the exact date, or even the year, but I know that it was when my children were quite young – 2 and 4 years old respectively, I think, and it was when their father and I were still together. The dream took place in the home in which we were living – a lavender, story-and-a-half  Victorian cottage with a wrap-around front porch and two “front” doors – one on the front of the house that entered directly into the formal living room and the other on the side of the house which entered into the sitting room.  The latter was the door we used to enter and exit the home and the door we thought of as “the front door.”

In the dream, I dreamed that I was sleeping beside my husband in our second floor bedroom and our children were fast asleep in their respective rooms, only feet away from our own. I was “awakened” from my sleep (in the dream) by a knocking at the front door of the house.  I “woke up” (while still in the dream) and got out of bed.  I walked out of our bedroom and down the hall to the stairs.  I descended the stairs which emptied into the sitting room.  The room was dimly lit and as I gazed across the room at the front door, I could see a hooded figure standing on the other side of the curtained window of the front door, standing just beneath the brightly lit porch light.  I “heard” a voice say, “Open the door.” Strangely unafraid, I went to the door and opened it as I had been asked.  Standing on the other side was a woman about my height – or maybe a little taller – with long, dark, curling hair, wearing a dark red hooded cloak.  The hood of the cloak was pulled up over the crown of her head casting a shadow over her face so I couldn’t quite make out her features. Her face was gazing down toward something she held in her hands.  I followed her gaze and saw that in her hands she held a smallish wooden chest crafted in dark, weathered wood.  The wooden chest looked ancient, but well cared-for.  She held the wooden chest out toward me and as my hands reached out to receive it, the curved lid of the box opened.

Inside the box, lying on a bed of purple velvet, was my own heart. As I took the box with my heart in it from her hands, a rush of images filled my mind – images of Snow White, the evil queen, the box that was to contain Snow White’s heart, a half-bitten apple, the Son of a King, and the kiss that awakened the sleeping princess.

Then I looked into the eyes of the woman in the red cloak and saw that the woman looking back at me was me. In silent words I heard her say, “I Am the Magdalene,” strangely something I had known all along.

 

 

Posted in Authentic Freedom, church, Forgiveness, Healing, Jesus, Lessons, Mary Magdalene, Raised Catholic, Spiritual Practices, teachers

When Old Wounds Come Back to Haunt Us

After Monday’s global message about Building the New World, and yesterday’s call to resurrect the Magdalene and feminine principle with her, I’m turning to a more personal experience, and yet one to which I suspect you can relate and from which we can all learn.

The VOID MOON sucks! After the glow of love that filled our Soul’s at the Blood Moon eclipse, equinox gateway, the intensity of this week’s new moon and the fallout of a moon gone void have been INTENSE.  With the new moon, I had such intense energy within me I thought I might explode, only to meet the following day with DEPRESSION, GRIEF and overwhelming fear….all thanks to old wounds and deeply rooted fears that all decided to pay me a visit.  On the highest level, I know these fears are here to teach me and are only showing up now because they are ready to be healed.  This awareness, however, does not make the fears any less uncomfortable.

Interestingly, these wounds are intimately related to the topics I taught this week in my Authentic Freedom and Mary Magdalene courses, lending support to the idea that the world really is of our own making and for the purpose of our own, personal, evolution. So, here is what decided to show up this week asking for another layer of healing:

MONEY. OMFG! Not even going there!  I’ve been down this road so many times I see the demon and say, “YOU AGAIN!?  Aren’t we done with this dance yet?”  Then I turn to my spiritual practices, say my prayers, borrow from Peter to pay Paul if necessary and then move on.  Then I do the really DEEP work of finding out what is REALLY in the way because, as I keep discovering, it is rarely about MONEY.  Instead, it is about some other wound asking for healing….in the most recent case – the wound over not feeling supported, believing I have to do this all alone, the thought of which then makes me DAMN TIRED. What I really want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for a week, but instead, I see the wound and do my best to care for it, along with the pain in my lower back that always seems to accompany this fear.  If what has happened in the past proves to repeat itself, after tending to the wound and finding relief from this fear, money will once again start flowing toward me….not just away from me!

gossip-pixabay

REJECTION. Blech.  Yesterday is showed up LOUD AND PROUD in my old wounds over the Church.  Hearing firsthand what I have known for many years – people I know and once (and still) cared for saying all kinds of evil against me – evil that has reached all the way into the hierarchy of the Church where there is apparently a growing file with my name on it.  (Based on what I’ve heard, the file must be enormous!).  Part of me wants to ask, “Don’t you people have anything better to do with your time?”  The other part of me just sighs in resignation over the very real truth that both Jesus and Mary Magdalene were treated in the very same way by the institutions and people around them.  So, who am I to mourn over uninformed and hateful comments made against me “in Jesus’ name?”  Another part of me knows that the things being said against me are simply a reflection of the unhealed wound of rejection in those rejecting me and the extent to which I feel rejected by them is the degree to which they fear being rejected by God.

I weep for their fear and pray for their healing….but still it makes me sad.  Sad to know that there are those “out there” speaking evil against me and against the work I am doing in the world.  So I grieve.  I grieve the relationship with the Church I once enjoyed.  I grieve the loss of the dream.  I grieve the hole in my heart where these “friends” once lived.  I grieve for those who don’t even know me and who hold some sort of personal vendetta against me for the sake of their own self-righteousness.  I grieve for a hierarchy who doesn’t know me except through the lens of someone else’s fear.  I grieve for a Church who has lost another valuable resource and all other lost possibilities because of the wholesale exclusion of anything associated with my name.  And I grieve for myself – for the little girl who found her connection with God in the silent experience of the mass, the woman who found her calling through the words of her pastor, who found her formation in the arms of the Church and who wants nothing but to serve God through Jesus by helping the world to know what she has come to know through Jesus’ message of love – that we are all ONE and that we are ONE with each other through LOVE/God.

Mastery Work: Then, when I am done with my grieving, the true mastery work steps in. I see this all for what it really is – AN OPPORTUNITY TO HEAL MY OWN FEAR OF REJECTION!  It is not a coincidence that the “haters” are showing up now as I am about to step into something magnificent.  As I’m being given an opportunity to step even more fully into my Soul’s purpose, here are those rejecting me and me reacting to their rejection by feeling rejected.  The “mastery” work reminds me that everything showing up in our lives is here for our own evolution.  So those who are showing up reflecting back to me the fear of rejection are here as teachers, giving me an opportunity to see the wound that is not yet healed within me so that I can do the work of healing it so that I can take the next BOLD step toward the purpose of my Soul.  Thank you haters!  And here is the prayer that I will be employing to assist myself in healing the fear of rejection and in doing so, helping them find healing for theirs as well:

 

I’m sorry (to the part of my soul that is feeling rejected)

Please forgive me.

I love you.

Thank you.

 

 

Lauri Ann Lumby offers empowerment training for those who want to change their world. To learn more call (920) 230-1313 or email lauri@authenticfreedom.love.

Posted in Authentic Freedom, Authentic Freedom Academy, Being Human, Empowerment, Lessons, mental illness, teachers, temptation

Panic Attacks – the Devil Inside (Part I)

Panic Attacks – the Devil Inside (Part I)

On Saturday, June 13th I had three full-blown panic attacks, the third so debilitating I was not able to drive myself and my son home from a shopping trip 30 miles from home.  As I mentioned in my blog on Monday, panic attacks suck…..or do they?  What if panic attacks are not here to harm or torture us, but are instead, here to teach us?  What if instead of judging them as harmful, rushing off to medicate them, or wanting to push them away, we welcomed them closer and allowed them to be our teacher?  What, you might ask, could a panic attack teach us other than, “life sucks and then you die?”  Let’s find out… 

panic

There is always more to the story…

As much as I hate having panic attacks, and they are terrifying while they are happening and every moment in between, for me, and I suspect many others who experience anxiety, depression and panic attacks (note:  the three are closely related), there is always more to the story.  Panic attacks don’t simply show up out of nowhere (though they sure seem like they do).  They always have deeper roots.  As I sat in the fog of the post-panic, post-Xanax hangover, I had ample opportunity to sort through all the potential precursors of panic (while trying not to get too much into old patterns of self-deprecation and negative self-judgment of thinking I did something wrong to bring on this panic and that there must be something wrong with me…).  In the search, I discovered there was a litany of potential “causes”:

Wine – ugh!  One tiny glass of wine the evening before (and as I noted had happened before every panic attack or near-panic I’ve had).  Wine=yeast=triggering my candida allergy.  Apparently there is a tie between candida and panic.  SIGH.  No more wine for me.

Keeping a lid on it!  Tending to a friend who received a medical treatment.  Helping another friend who received a cancer diagnosis.  Being present with a friend whose mother recently passed.  Lots of travel.  And just life in general.  Lots to carry.  Lots to hold.  Throw in some good old fashioned money fears…and….NOT TAKING CARE OF MYSELF in the midst of it all!  TONS of emotions were bottled up in me that needed to find a way out…..and boy did they!  (And let’s not forget the link between panic and past, unresolved trauma!)

STEPPING INTO MY GREATNESS!  The week leading up to the panic attack was a HUGE week for me.  I stepped into my new venture as Authentic Freedom Academy.  I put AFA out into the world.  I formed an affiliate program and sent out invites.  I completed the most recent Resurrecting the Magdalene course and ordained (yes, I said “ORDAINED!”) four women into The Order of the Magdalene/Christ. I received an important message about my beloved partner.  And finally…..through the support of some shamanic journey work, I rediscovered some very ancient methods of manifestation (ie: magic) and for bringing the new world into being.  Hint: “The Law of Attraction” is OUT (truth be told, it was never in for me anyway…more on that later).

Gethsemane

The link between panic and POWER

As much as we don’t want to admit it, there IS a link between panic and STANDING IN OUR POWER.  The way I understand it, the link between panic and power is two-fold:

Ignoring the voice of our Soul:

First, panic (and its precursor – anxiety) arises when we ignore, silence, suppress and repress our POWER, our truth, our gifts, our call, our purpose and our passions.  When we ignore the voice of our SOUL is will do everything in its power to get our attention.  The more we ignore the voice of the SOUL, the harder it works, sometimes having to resort to desperate measures to get our attention – even if it means panic.  This has definitely been the case for me.  When the truth is in my face again and again and again and I choose to ignore it, panic steps in.

Stepping into our power:

Panic attacks can also arise as a form of temptation.  The closer we get to our Soul’s purpose, God’s call for us in our life, the path of our highest Self, the harder the ego works to thwart us on our path.  Our Soul longs to be free – to have a life of fulfillment, expansiveness, meaning, peacefulness and love.  The ego wants SAME, status quo, what is old and familiar.  Think of Jesus in the desert and Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.  In both instances, Jesus did battle with “Satan” over the path before him.  Heed the voice of fear and make himself equal to God (as was the discussion in the desert) or heed the voice of fear and recant his truth (that he was One with God but not necessarily equal)?  The ego does not want us to enjoy the path of our Soul or to embrace our gifts or our true power.  Instead, the ego wants us to remain small, in a place and situation that is familiar.  Toward that end, the ego will resort to all sorts of ministrations to keep us from our power – even panic attacks if it needs to.

Power and panic in proportion

I can think of two situations in particular (this weekend included) where a powerful moment of stepping into my power presented itself and panic stepped in.  In both situations, and army of support presented itself and I eventually figured out the true source of the panic – not in something I had done wrong, but in something I had done right!  Talk about empowering.  It is interesting to me to note that the degree to which we are stepping into our power is equal to the degree to which the ego fights to keep us from it.  From the degree of the panic attacks I experienced this weekend, I’m guessing I’m getting pretty dang close to the purpose of my soul and to the root of my true power.  How about you?

Stay tuned Panic Attacks, the Devil Inside Part II where we will learn how to embrace temptation (ie: panic attacks) as our teacher instead of our tormentor.

Authentic Freedom Academy provides resources and support for those wishing to heed the voice of their Soul – for those who know they are here for a reason, who want to know what that reason is, and who wish to contribute to the betterment of themselves and the world through their own unique giftedness.  Call (920) 230-1313 or email lauri@autheticfreedomacademy.com to learn more.

Posted in Authentic Freedom, creativity, Divine Revelation, Inspiration, teachers

Making Love with Kat Von D

 

 

Making Love with Kat Von D

Matt Sorum Presents The Darling Stillettos on July 16, 2009, Cinespace, Hollywood, California, USA

Dreams are such amazing things.  Odd.  Nebulous.  Confusing and Symbolic.  And yet sometimes, palpably real.  Like the other night when I was making love with Kat Von D.  Perhaps the fact that I’m really only attracted to men is what made these sensations (I’ll spare you the details) even more real.  But even so – this dream felt REAL. Real as in the vivid colors, the tastes and textures, the real physical nature of Kat, herself and the surroundings.  More real than watching a movie.  Real as if we were actually there.

Then perhaps we were.  Real in the sense of something tangible being accomplished.  Something that could perhaps be measured in the 3D world of waking consciousness.  Real in the sense of the outward manifestation of the inward experience of lovemaking.  For lovemaking, as we all know, has its ultimate expression in the bringing forth of new life.

katvond

So, what kind of new life might be brought forth from making love with Kat Von D?  As my ultimate girl crush (after Stevie Nicks of course), I adore her.  To me, Kat is the quintessential representation of the fulfillment of creative expression.  With her Rockstar clothes, hair, makeup and nearly fully tattooed body, I see all the ways I would like to be dressed if my heart was completely in charge.  Her look says, “I’m confident in who I am and in what I believe and if you don’t like it, I don’t give a f… “  In fact, tattooed on her arm is her personal epitaph, “DILLIGAF” – Do I look like I give a f…?  Beyond her look, is the way in which she has surrounded herself with all things beautiful – and her style is again, just how I would decorate if my heart was completely in charge – Victorian Gothic ala Edgar Allen Poe (I’d probably skip the taxidermy collection though – I’m not really into dead things).

But it’s not just Kat’s outward appearance or the way she decorates her shop and her home – it is the way she openly reveals her heart.  Through her writing, her art, her personal relationships, the intimate connections she has fostered with her family and her professional team which she boldly displays on her “family tree.”  (see more on this in her book, “Go Big or Go Home!” ) And her life is her art – tattooing, playing piano, drawing, painting, decorating (herself and her home), writing, composing and now (I hear) singing.  She has made a life and a success of creating.

Kat-kat-von-d-14102797-303-500

THIS is the child I want to be born out of my dreamtime coupling with Kat Von D – to make a life and a success of creating and for that creating to drip off of me like paint on a canvas for all the world to see – not for my own glory – but so that the rest of the world may be inspired to do the same – as my love of Kat Von D has done for me.

Kat, if you are reading,  THANK YOU!

Learn more about Kat Von D here:   http://www.highvoltagetattoo.com/

Find Kat’s books on Amazon.com!

Enjoy Kat’s beauty line at Sephora.com

Who inspires you to be more of who you are really meant to be?