Racism is a hot topic these days. As it shows up in our media and our politics, we are reminded of the prevalence of racism in our country and those who suffer as a result. As the topic of racism emerges front and center, I hear many white people arguing, “I’m not racist.” I would suggest that if we need to defend our racism, we may, in fact, be racist. As an awakened human being, I would like to say I am not racist. However, when I am completely honest with myself, I am aware of the subtle ways in which I am, in fact, racist – not because I want to be, but because it was how I was conditioned. The good news is that I can acknowledge the subtle ways in which conditioned racism comes out sideways and begin to do something about it. I would invite you to also reflect on how racism may be present in your life, and what you might be able to do about changing that.
Acknowledging my Racism
As a white person of European descent,
If I don’t acknowledge my own racism,
It cannot be healed.
Ashamed am I to admit the subtle presence of racism within me –
The things I don’t mean to do, but come out anyway
because of my white, middle-class conditioning:
Making judgments based on what I think I am seeing
with nothing but conditioning forming that judgment:
What I’ve seen on TV.
Heard from family or friends.
What’s been portrayed in the media
The ease with which I’m tempted to judge a race
based on the singular action of a morning hold-up;
One man’s desperate action
unfairly coloring my view of an entire population….
Not really, but sometimes.
Ashamed am I of the vestiges of racism
that somehow took root in me by no fault of my own.
Knowing better, yet still aware of when the racism slips through.
I don’t mean it – but there it is:
The averted gaze
The skip of a heart beat
The racing mind
Anxiety
Clutching my purse more tightly toward me
Looking for an exit plan
For no reason other than the lies I’ve been told
And a few negative experiences…
But it was a white man who raped me;
and white men who have betrayed and abused me.
So why the unfair judgment of men of color
when life has shown me it’s white men I should fear?
Ahhhhhh – the power of conditioning.
But I now understand I can choose otherwise.
As a self-aware human, I can move past my conditioning by:
Acknowledging it.
Seeing it when it arises in me.
Choosing otherwise.
And in the process, healing.
In my heart of hearts, I wish I could be completely free
of the subtleties of racism – because I know better.
But I humbly acknowledge I may never be completely free.
Even so, I am committed to doing what I can
for my own sake and for the sake of all those
who have been unfairly judged simply because of the color of their skin…
I know as human beings we are ONE,
and it is only fear that divides…
and when we heal that fear,
we find that only love remains…
And I choose love!
Copyright 2019 Lauri Ann Lumby
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Lauri Ann Lumby, OM, OPM, MATS supports you in becoming a fully awakened and self-actualized human being by giving you the freedom to choose love in a world conditioned by fear. Lauri does this through her trademarked protocol – Authentic Freedom which harnesses the knowledge and wisdom of the ancients and applies it in the modern world. Here you will find fulfillment for the deepest longing of your Soul – to know and to be known. Lauri is the owner of Authentic Freedom Academy and founder of the Temple of the Magdalene. She lives in Oshkosh, WI. You can learn more about Lauri, her writings, programs and services at 
