As a first-born, Capricorn and recovering perfectionist, responsibility has always been my middle name. Whether imposed upon me (by command or circumstance) or simply chosen because it’s who I am; I have always been “the responsible” one. Lauri can be counted on. Lauri is honest. Lauri has integrity. Lauri is strong, courageous, a hard worker, efficient, and gets things done. Lauri takes good care of others. Lauri is responsible. I would agree that all of this is true most of the time. But there is a whole other layer of responsibility that I have felt beyond the day to day “getting things done.” This is a worldly/cosmic/universal/ responsibility that I have never been able to give words to – until now.
This morning, on The Cosmic Path (www.thecosmicpath.com) this was offered as this week’s Capricorn horoscope:
There’s a huge planetary cluster of planets transiting your sign, and it’s the scene of the manifesting entry into the new order. What that means for you is that you are carrying within your energy field all the properties and archetypal energies that can truly deliver us all to the new Golden Age. It will take a good two years for all of this energy to produce the physical reality it is designed to bring forth, and just about every last one of the planets partaking of this grouping now will remain here for the duration. That means, put very simply, you know something huge is happening to you, and it’s absolutely positively futile to try and define something so vast and so unprecedented. You’ll have to stand back and watch it unfold like the rest of us, even though its manifesting in you.
Ummmmmm……Ohhhhhhhkaaaaayyyyyy! In one small paragraph Stephanie Azaria describes EXACTLY the weight I have felt my whole entire life. I’m not here to have a normal Human 1.0 life. I’m here to birth something new and it is actually birthing THROUGH me. Holy Crap!
Now, before you accuse me of being all up in my ego for even believing such a thing….I can most certainly attest that this weight I have been feeling has absolutely nothing to do with ego. In fact, I just as soon join the rest of the world on the planet of denial, peacefully making love to my tonic and gin while discussing the latest fashion trends, than having to show up as a vehicle through which a new world is waiting to be born! Even if said gin and tonic opportunities had ever come my way (which they HAVE NOT), I would not have been able to, and doubt I could choose them now. Because EVERY SINGLE TIME I try to choose a “normal life” (you know: normal job, normal relationships, normal life), it is absolutely and without a doubt refused to me. And believe me….I have tried. After 100 “real job” applications and not even getting a single phone call, I have surrendered. After 100 dating sites and nothing but absolute epic fails, again, I quit. I do not get a “normal life.” Instead, it seems I have no choice but to continue slogging away at what I do best which is just being Lauri while helping people discover the love they are so that together we can create a new world.
But it is not nearly as simple as that! First off, I’m not getting rich doing this work. In fact, I’m filing bankruptcy while still wondering how I’m going to pay my basic bills this month…….all that while working 3 jobs! (3 if you include parenting which I most certainly do!) Second off, there is NO security in this work. Human beings are fickle, and few really want to invest in themselves and fewer-still want to continue that investment if it means work. Everyone wants the shiny object, the “feel good” yoo-rah-rah event or workshop, but very few want to do the hard work. And believe me, the task of healing our fears so that we can know love is HARD AS HELL. (Isn’t that a great metaphor….for in a sense, we are transforming the hell in which we are living while bringing forth from within us heaven on earth – BOOM!) Even fewer are willing to give up their attachments to what they know so that they can enjoy the only true freedom which comes from within. So yeah….exactly why at the end of Jesus’ ministry there were only a few – Mary Magdalene, Mother Mary, Joseph of Arimathea, John the Beloved Disciple, Salome, and a couple other women. The rest couldn’t handle the most difficult part of the journey which is DEATH. The death of what they had known so as to make room for something new.
And yet, this is EXACTLY what is happening, but now on an EPIC scale. Our world cannot continue if things remain as they are. At the rate we are currently going, we will destroy ourselves – if the planet doesn’t do it to us first. (For the record – the Earth always wins! She will take back what is hers if we can’t learn how to care for it. We are supposed to be the stewards of the earth….not its conquerors. ) And if it isn’t the planet we are destroying, it is ourselves. As the rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer and as the middle class is quickly disappearing; as violence increases, wars on every continent, our children choosing death by suicide, etc. etc. etc. our world is imploding upon itself. Those who are not benefitting from the current model based in fear, power and control, are longing for something else. But the change we are longing for is NOT going to come from the top. It will not come from those in power or from those who are reaping the rewards of a people oppressed. Instead, it has to come from us – and that change can ONLY come from within.
And this is what I do. Every single day – first for myself – and then for others, I am helping us find ways to transform the fears that cause us to act in non-loving ways toward ourselves, toward each other and toward our planet and am turning those fears into love. It is that simple, and yet it is also that profound. The cost of this work is everything that is not in harmony with love – and for some that is a great price. I know this because of what I have personally given up for the sake of that love. But even as I stare (financial) death in the face, I can say it has been totally worth it because while there is much I have lost, there is even more that I have gained – and that is my SOUL. I know who I am. I know what my Soul needs and wants. Most of the time I am content and I feel at peace. And most importantly – I know how to love – big, deep, and true.
But even with this, my work is not complete for there are still millions of human beings ACHING for something more. Today I understand that the “something more” is love and until the world knows this love, my Soul will never be satisfied. THIS is the weight of the responsibility I have felt, perhaps since the day I was born. Thank you Stephanie Azaria for giving words to what I could not, but have known full well in my heart!