Posted in Death

Standing at Death’s Door

Warning:  this is going to be a long one!  There is no short way to describe or explain being visited upon by Death and seeing one’s own calling in His face.

This morning over breakfast with one of my spiritual warrior goddess friends, she posed the following challenge:


We had been talking about the Magdalene and my calling as not only a Magdalene priestess, but of BEING the Magdalene.  What she did not know is that I had only minutes ago come out of a shamanic journey where I was reminded of a calling even deeper than that of the Magdalene (actually, the Magdalene calling encompasses this).  For lack of a better word, I am invited to embrace my calling as a:

Priestess of Death

(or dare I say “Goddess of Death” for the coffee named after me?)

This, however, is more of a calling. It is more of an embodiment and one that has haunted/beckoned to me my entire life. It began with my harrowing birth and the “failure to thrive” which followed and all the other “mysterious” ailments that have accompanied my life (the First People rightly call Sacramento “The Valley of Death”).

Then when I was somewhere around 5 or 6 years old I had a dream of end of the world – one which has set the tone and the course of my life path. In the dream I asked how we could prevent the world from ending.  I was given a specific task which I have been diligently tending to my entire adult life.

In this adult life, an obvious pattern has emerged.  In EVERY SINGLE work environment/situation, I have shown up minutes (in Divine time) before the whole place starts to fall apart.  I’m most certainly not the one causing the “death,” but I’m always the one who sees the writing on the wall, who tries to warn those involved and who attempts to give them the tools to prevent their own death.  Not once have the institutions involved accepted my recommendations and in every single case, they have died a fiery death.

While I am no longer in an institutional setting, the trend continues.  In my local community, I see the institutions who are in trouble, I have attempted to share my insights and wisdom, and in every case they have been refused. It saddens me deeply to know the inevitable outcomes and I grieve every time I see one of these institutions making choices that will only hasten their death.

I also know that these deaths are necessary.  Hierarchical/Patriachal institutions based in fear, power and control have destroyed our world and continue to do so.  It is time for them to die.

But still I grieve.  I grieve for those who will be negatively impacted by the deaths.  I mourn for those who may literally die because of the irresponsible actions of the power structures and for their loved ones who will be left behind.  I also grieve for our loss of innocence as a culture and as a world.  While many worry the pandemic of the Coronavirus, their greater concern should be the global financial collapse that is soon to follow – if certain measures of reform are not immediately embraced…

But there I go again, trying to prevent death.

Death is inevitable.  Everything and everyone has a natural life cycle and we live in a world where death is no longer natural, but man-made.  Humanity has created its own death.  How insane and tragic is that!?

So as my friend is encouraging me to OWN THE MAGDALENE, a deeper voice within me is screaming at me to OWN DEATH!

Death as my calling.  Death as my Beloved.  Death as why I am here and what I came here to do.  Not to bring about death, but to be witness to humanity is its relentless march to its own destruction, and after the death, to support the world in finding new life.

In the journey I completed before meeting my friend for breakfast, this is what I saw:

Myself and my Beloved, standing at the ocean entrance to a cave set within a rocky shore.  Behind us in the world above was the dying world, aflame in its self-destruction. We stood safe within our cave gazing out over the crashing waves as the light of a new dawn was breaking on the horizon.  Standing at the threshold between death and new life, confident and at peace in the knowledge that it is only in dying to the old that new life might come forth.

So with this, I accept and acknowledge Death as my calling.






I am the founder, owner of Authentic Freedom Academy and the Spiritual Director of the Order of the Magdalene and the Order of Melchizedek. Our mission is to provide education, community and support for those seeking to become self-actualized. Authentic Freedom (dot) Love is our learning community.

One thought on “Standing at Death’s Door

  1. Am I too, a priestess of death? Death was a part of me from since before my conception. My brother was stillborn October, 25, 1973. I was born (6 weeks prematurely), October 24th, 1974. At two months of age I had basically died from viral pneumonia, and was barely resuscitated by my mother. At various intervals throughout, I barely avoided being killed. As an adult, not even 30, I contracted chicken pox, and my temp rose to an alarming 103 degrees F three times, before I began to improve.
    I see the thousand different deaths I have endured since I began the Magdalene coursework, letting go of those parts of myself which serve no purpose. I think this role as priestess of death is a role many are just starting to embrace.

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