Posted in Being Human

I Am Who I Am

I Am Who I Am

I AM who I AM

I Am who I Am

The mantra I return to as my mind grasps after fantasies…what-ifs…and hows.

When all I have is this moment now –

But with possibilities and imaginings raging in my mind –

the anxiety of the unknown rising.

I AM who I AM.

I Am who I Am.

Pen gripped between my fingers, dancing across the page.

Prince blaring through my speakers.

Feeling the sensation of ink kissing paper

and paper returning ink’s affection.

The perfect balance of giving and receiving,

Creating and allowing.

A match…rather a coming together made in heaven.

I AM who I AM

I Am who I Am.

Can we escape the anxious imaginings of a possible new creation?

Should we?

I remember the doctoral candidate’s bold proclamation that

“falling in love is a mental illness.”

Or an irrational preoccupation if nothing else.

Doesn’t every new creation involve a kind of falling in love?

Preoccupation

Infatuation

Excitement

Anticipation

Twitterpation

Until that new love betrays us:

A novel’s false start

Frozen at 50,000 words

The face turned out lopsided

The stray splash of paint

Damn, that’s the wrong color brown!

The critique that plunges a dagger into our heart

The betrayal that eviscerates our Soul.

I AM who I AM

I Am who I Am

The only think I truly know

(if we can ever truly know anything)

is what is before me in this present moment.

Now.  Only Now.

But when “now” becomes too familiar,

or we long for something more –

The heart becomes anxious.

Is that a bad thing?

Isn’t new life born out of restlessness, boredom and impatience?

Don’t we have to outgrow what is now

so that new life might come into form?

Isn’t growth a journey of perpetual motion

coming forth out of THE VOID –

Something coming forth out of Nothing?

I Am who I Am

And what I shall be remains to be seen.

Copyright:  Lauri Ann Lumby

I call her Joy

Author:

I am the founder, owner of Authentic Freedom Academy and the Spiritual Director of the Order of the Magdalene and the Order of Melchizedek. Our mission is to provide education, community and support for those seeking to become self-actualized. Authentic Freedom (dot) Love is our learning community.

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