Shadow workers and Shadow keepers are those who have been given a deep and painful gift – the ability and calling to see, hear and FEEL the pain of the world. We are those who have no choice but to bear witness to the darkness, pain, hatred and fear in our world. Not only are we called to be witness, however, we are also called to FEEEEEEEL it. The purpose of this feeling (I continue to tell myself) is so that the darkness might be transformed and be brought into the light. Sometimes we do this by pointing out the darkness so that others might see. More often, however, it is accomplished through our being, so much so that often it brings us to our knees. Yesterday was one of those days.
I did it to myself. I overworked myself for three straight days, culminating in an 18 hour day of frantic computer programming work that was largely out of my comfort zone, and as it turns out, not what I want for my business in the first place. After 18 hours of work, I ended up taking it all down. Then it hit me. I woke up yesterday morning with the feeling of DEATH. I felt chilled to the bone, nauseous, dizzy and my whole body hurt. The sun hurt my eyes and any sound or movement made me feel like I might collapse. I had no choice but to call in sick for the day and collapse on the couch where I intermittently slept and moaned, “I’m dying.” Today I have the “hangover” from yesterday’s wrath. UGH!
In the center of all of this I did the normal wondering, “What is wrong with me? Am I depressed? How could I ever get a “real job” if I am struck down like this on a somewhat regular basis?” Etc. etc. Then I read these words of Ellias’ Lonsdale as they were quoted at www.thecosmicpath.com.:
The shadow vigil is not something we make up. It is not just our own gloominess and negativity. We are being shown the places others miss and we are being asked to stay tuned to these and to be aware, be alert, be in the spit for whatever might arise. And as we get into this stance, it may be too much to bear, but what we are being shown is vital to grasp, crucial to become a conduit for, even if we might become greatly darkened in the bargain.
So there it is. The calling of the shadow workers and the shadow keepers. It is our task to BE IN the darkness. To see it. Hear it. Feel it. Often before it is even able to be seen. (For example, I FELT the 800 troops and the “suspicious packages” even before they were announced). We are called to be in it…..BUT……and here is the key for our own survival…….WE ARE NOT IT. We are NOT the darkness. We are not depressed. There is nothing wrong with us. What is wrong is the world when it strays from its original nature as love which we feel as “a disturbance in the force.” Now….if there was only a way to get paid for the invaluable service we provide for the world in seeing, hearing, feeling and TRANSFORMING its darkness.