Yesterday I had the profound gift of sitting with a dear friend who is healing after 6 months of INTENSIVE cancer treatment. We were talking about all the things you talk about when death is staring at you in the face. In the midst of the conversation she asked me a question that will likely haunt me the rest of my life:
“Lauri, when did you first know?”
She was inquiring about the gift (which often feels like a curse) I have of seeing, hearing and feeling EVERYTHING that is happening in our world. Her question took my breath away, first, in revealing to me that she SAW and BELIEVED IN my gift. Second, because I had never really thought to ask myself the same question.
When did I first know that I was seeing, hearing and feeling EVERYTHING?
When I sit with that question, the image that comes forth is me clinging to my mother’s pelvis as the doctors were ripping me by the foot from her womb. It seems I already knew what I would hear, see, feel and know and I wanted no part of it! (Interestingly, my daughter who shares this gift with me was also born breech.)
Seeing. Hearing. Feeling. Knowing. A gift as well as a curse. But as my friend SAW and BELIEVED IN my gift, I felt the “cursed” part fall away and what was left was only the gift. I felt this gift wash over me as a blessing….as a prayer….as a benediction. I suddenly saw, heard, felt and knew the blessing this gift has been to me, and to those I serve. Most obvious to me is the way this gift has supported me in seeing, hearing, feeling and knowing my children. Knowing them in a way that has allowed me to avoid the temptation of crafting my children into something I think I want them to be. Instead, I have supported them in being who they are. I suspect for many of my students and clients I have done the same.
This gift has also allowed me to hold our world in love. I see, feel, hear and know the evil and pain in our world….and I feel it into the depth of my being. It HURTS. And yet, I know this is not who we are. Beyond the hurt, the ignorance, the evil in the world, I see the pain and beyond the pain I see the love. We are all on this planet trying to find our way home and the only way we can find our way home is through love.
Love has found its way to me through seeing, feeling, hearing and knowing EVERYTHING that is happening in our world. Love is finding its way to you through your own unique gifts. So I will ask you the same question asked of me by my friend:
When did you first know the gifts that you possess that are showing you the way to love?