Healing the Wounded Masculine
For three nights in a row I have had dreams about the wounded masculine – specifically the wounded masculine within me. As the ancients have said, when things come in threes, it is a clear message from Spirit. In this case, it is an invitation to recognize and then heal the wounded masculine within me and in doing so, providing an invitation, support, guidance and direction for others in doing the same.
As is most always the case, dreams speak to us in the language of symbols. The dreams that came through for me are no different. All of the dreams featured myself and a “lover.” In each of the dreams, “the lover” was wounded, injured or broken in some way. The first was a transgender male who had just had “bottom” surgery and was still in extreme pain in his newly attached “masculine” power center. In the second dream, “the lover” was excruciatingly attractive, but was imprisoned by addiction. The lover in the third dream was physically paralyzed from the waist down. In every dream, I was the woman (feminine) trying to love the wounded male into wholeness – or at the very least to let him know that even in his brokenness, he was loved. As every dream interpreter would suggest, “the lovers” in the dream also represent aspects of myself – specifically the distorted masculine qualities I have taken on trying to make it in a world ruled by a distorted aspect of the masculine and driven by fear, power and control. The wounded masculine in the dream represents how taking on these distorted masculine qualities have done damage to my soul.
How the Distorted (Unholy) Masculine has done me (us) harm
When we live in a culture ruled by fear, power and control, we are shown that the only way to succeed, to get your needs met, is through striving, driving, forcing, and cajoling. Achievement becomes our goal and is defined by external means. In Western culture, achievement is measured by money, material possessions and fame. If we become rich and famous, or better yet, get our own reality show, we have made it. We have achieved the goal of Western society. What we are not told, however, is that the striving, driving, forcing and cajoling that it takes to “make it” in a culture driven by fear, power and control, is killing us. Perhaps not those who have “made it,” but the rest of us who are “forced” to live according to these means of “achievement” are dying. And if those who have “made” it aren’t dying on the outside, they are dying on the inside for selling their Soul to the highest bidder. The proof of this dying (the wounded masculine) is present all around us – from the destruction of our environment to increasing poverty to the rampant increase in stress related disease to increasing violence related to gun deaths, suicide and war. The wounded masculine within all of us is screaming to be seen so we can begin to do the work of healing.
The Wounded Masculine in Me
As a woman working in a world ruled by the distorted masculine (or what some are now calling toxic masculinity), I have been told that the key to success is hard work and that the harder I work the more successful I will become. I have been told that my success is measured by how much money I make and how famous I become. I have been told that if I am struggling financially, or if my books aren’t best sellers, it is because I have not worked hard enough and that if I want more money or renown, I simply need to work more. I’ve also been told by the distorted masculine in the “new thought” communities that my success is dependent on my thoughts. That if I think good thoughts (and the right thoughts) then I will have everything I want in the way of money and success. And if I have not yet achieved my financial goals, or I am struggling financially it is because I’m thinking the wrong thoughts or not working hard enough at thinking right thoughts. There are those who say “God wants you to be rich and famous” and if I’m not yet rich and famous it is because I haven’t done enough for God (or put enough money in the collection basket). I’ve been given formulas, strategic plans, marketing plans from so-called business experts who say the answer is to blog more, network more, send out more fliers, hold more classes, offer more free stuff, do more promotions, write more classes, write more classes on “this topic,” do more podcasts, offer more videos, do seminars, get my own TedTalk, offer more workshops and retreats, travel more, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. Everyone has an answer to how to “build my success” but here’s the thing:
I’ve done everything the world (based in fear, power and control which measures success in money, material possessions and fame) has told me to do and it is killing me! Not only is it killing me, it has produced nothing. I’m not rich (on many days I’m just trying to keep a roof over my head) and I’m certainly not famous.
Yes, I’ve published some books, I have a few internet “followers” and a small community of students and clients, but none of this came as a result of driving, striving, forcing or cajoling. None of this came by following someone’s “formula for success.” Instead, it came from following the promptings of my Soul which have absolutely nothing to do with “working harder” and everything to do with magic – or what some might call love.
Healing the Wounded Masculine in all of us
While some might find joy in driving, striving, forcing and cajoling (none of which should be confused with the Spirit-driven quest to fulfill the purpose of our Soul which sometimes looks like “hard work”), I suspect that the vast majority of humanity, like me, is suffering under the current “formula for success.” In order to heal our suffering, we have to go against the cultural norm, turning away from the voice of the distorted masculine that says “work harder, work more” and turning toward the voice of our Soul. The voice of our Soul is that which speaks to us in the quiet places within when the mind is at rest, communicating to us the formula for “true success” – that which provides the resources, the inspiration and the drive for fulfilling our Soul’s purpose. Our Soul’s purpose is made up of the unique way in which we have been gifted to find meaning in our lives and through which we find fulfillment in sharing these gifts for ourselves and for the sake of the betterment of the world.
Harnessing the Holy Masculine
While the process of listening to the voice of the Soul arises out of the Holy Feminine within us, the Holy Masculine puts the Soul’s guidance into action. The inner masculine supports the desires of the Soul, protecting it from outside (and inner) interference, and providing all the Soul needs to come into its fulfillment. The way in which the Holy Feminine reveals the path of the Soul and in which the Holy Masculine tends to the unfolding of the soul differs from one to another, but for me, this is what it looks like –
In listening to the Holy Feminine:
- I have come to understand that my Soul’s purpose is love.
- The unique way I have been called to be that love in the world is to support the spiritual awakening and self-actualization of humanity.
- I live out that calling through my unique gifts of vision (prophecy), empathy, discernment, encouragement (counseling), teaching, writing, leadership and healing.
- In order to serve humanity in this capacity, I need to tend to the needs of my Soul, specifically, the need for: solitude, daily meditation and prayer, nourishment (for both my physical body and my soul), exercise, family, healthy loving and mutually supportive friendships, spiritual community.
What does this look like on a daily basis? This is the work of the Holy Masculine:
- Dedication to my daily (twice daily) spiritual practice.
- Walks in nature
- Time for reading and learning
- Time for writing
- Honoring my need for solitude
- Preparing nourishing and enjoyable meals for myself and my family
- “Be” time with my children
- Time with friends
- Remaining active in the wider community
- And in the midst of this, my Holy Child calls for play!
Now here’s the funny thing, when I am diligent in tending to the needs of my soul (the masculine quality of provision and support), those things by which we measure “success” in our Western world (money, notoriety) take care of themselves. When I put my needs first, what I need in order to survive in this world (for me that equals: paying students and clients, book sales) simply shows up. Not because I worked hard or followed some “proven formula for success,” but simply because I took care of myself.
This is the magic of the Holy Masculine – when we allow “him” to provide, support and protect the needs of the Soul (an act of profound self-love), the rest simply falls into place.