“We are afraid of her. For centuries we have wanted nothing to do with her. Now she returns into our midst. She is substantively weighted down by a special knowledge. She is saturated with hidden forces. Her one key move is to claim what is truly hers without shame.” – Ellias Lonsdale from his book Star Speaks as quoted at www.thecosmicpath.com.
What is truly mine? What is truly mine? What IS truly mine?
When I reflect on these questions, what comes to me is MAGIC. Magic has always been my inheritance. The magic of my ancestors. A dark, intuitive, mystical magic. A magic that infuses one with the courage and endurance to stare down the darkness of the human condition. To be present to pain, struggle, fear, failure, challenge, heartache, heartbreak, betrayal and abuse and live to tell about it. The magic to not be destroyed by the darkness, but to find my way through it. This is the victory – to not get swallowed up or destroyed by the darkness, but in the darkness to find myself. And in finding myself, discovering the tools to help others find themselves.
Life is death and life is pain, this I know all too well. But lying within the darkness is also the light, if we have the eyes to see. As a germinating seed has to break through its shell and then push its way through the darkness of the earth to find the light. So too is this our truth – OUR truth. In order to become the fullness of our potential, we must find our way through the darkness.
What led me into and through the darkness, ironically, are the same. What led me into and then led me through the darkness is my faith – specifically, the Catholic faith in which I was raised. Here I met my “God.” Here I was courted by my “God.” Here I fell in love with my “God.” Here my “God” betrayed me. In this I came to know what Jesus knew – that I too am a uniquely gifted Daughter of “God,” called to be God’s love in the world. But even more than this, I came to know what Jesus REALLY knew – in order to truly be the “Son of God,” he had to find a new god. As he was hanging there, dying on the cross, Jesus found a new God and this God was not the God “out there” who had forsaken him, instead, it was the Divine Self within to whom Jesus surrendered his spirit. The God he “knew” now became truly known. At the end of our life, there is truly no one there, for all dwells within ourselves and here we have found our way home.
This is not nihilism, this is truth. And yet, we are also never alone. For within and among us are all the Souls who have gone this way before us. And with these Souls, and all the Souls yet to express themselves, we are one. We are together and we are One. And in our Wholeness, there is God. The wholeness of who we all have been and all the potentials of who we are yet to become. The Creative vision of the universe forever and always discovering, creating and recreating itself. The seed becomes the sprout, becomes the plant, becomes the blossom, becomes the fruit, becomes the seed – the never ending cycle of creation – birth, life, death, the time in between and the cycle starts all over again.
All of this I discovered through my Catholic faith, or rather, I discovered this in the Jesus that was hidden within my Catholic faith, hiding behind centuries of dogma, doctrine and man’s need to have power and control. This was a Jesus that LIVED – no longer worshipped as he hung broken and bleeding on the cross, thereby making suffering our “God.” Instead, this was the Jesus who was fully human. This was the Jesus who loved, who laughed, who knew desire, who sometimes became angry, afraid and despairing and who in this, tasted the fullness of the human experience. This was the Jesus who was killed by selfish and greedy men who felt threatened by the truth he came to reveal – the truth of a Divine within where true authority dwells. This was a Jesus who listened to his heart, who came to show people love and who experienced love himself. And in this love, he also experienced heartbreak – the betrayal of friends, the loss of family and the ultimate heartbreak of all – having to be beaten, tortured and killed while the woman he loved stood watching. This was the Jesus I came to know when “God” came calling.
This is the Jesus who shows us the way – if we have the eyes to see and the ears to hear – to see and hear beyond man’s need to twist Jesus’ message for their own political agenda, who turned Jesus’ message of love to one of divisiveness and fear. “We are the One true faith and all others are going to hell.” This is not what Jesus came to teach. Instead, Jesus only taught love and the consequences of choosing something other than love. If he learned nothing else by his human experience, it was that we all have a choice. Choose fear or choose love. The way we feel within ourselves is then determined by this choice. Do we allow the inherent suffering of the human condition to destroy us or do we seek out the love hiding in the midst of the darkness? THIS was Jesus’ magic – the ability to see the love no matter where or how deeply it was hiding. This, I must admit, is my magic too….even in the days when I am sure the darkness will destroy me, I somehow always find my way through. This is what I came to learn. This is what I come to teach.
This is what is truly mine, along with everything that helped me find my way here –
What is truly yours?