After Monday’s global message about Building the New World, and yesterday’s call to resurrect the Magdalene and feminine principle with her, I’m turning to a more personal experience, and yet one to which I suspect you can relate and from which we can all learn.
The VOID MOON sucks! After the glow of love that filled our Soul’s at the Blood Moon eclipse, equinox gateway, the intensity of this week’s new moon and the fallout of a moon gone void have been INTENSE. With the new moon, I had such intense energy within me I thought I might explode, only to meet the following day with DEPRESSION, GRIEF and overwhelming fear….all thanks to old wounds and deeply rooted fears that all decided to pay me a visit. On the highest level, I know these fears are here to teach me and are only showing up now because they are ready to be healed. This awareness, however, does not make the fears any less uncomfortable.
Interestingly, these wounds are intimately related to the topics I taught this week in my Authentic Freedom and Mary Magdalene courses, lending support to the idea that the world really is of our own making and for the purpose of our own, personal, evolution. So, here is what decided to show up this week asking for another layer of healing:
MONEY. OMFG! Not even going there! I’ve been down this road so many times I see the demon and say, “YOU AGAIN!? Aren’t we done with this dance yet?” Then I turn to my spiritual practices, say my prayers, borrow from Peter to pay Paul if necessary and then move on. Then I do the really DEEP work of finding out what is REALLY in the way because, as I keep discovering, it is rarely about MONEY. Instead, it is about some other wound asking for healing….in the most recent case – the wound over not feeling supported, believing I have to do this all alone, the thought of which then makes me DAMN TIRED. What I really want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for a week, but instead, I see the wound and do my best to care for it, along with the pain in my lower back that always seems to accompany this fear. If what has happened in the past proves to repeat itself, after tending to the wound and finding relief from this fear, money will once again start flowing toward me….not just away from me!
REJECTION. Blech. Yesterday is showed up LOUD AND PROUD in my old wounds over the Church. Hearing firsthand what I have known for many years – people I know and once (and still) cared for saying all kinds of evil against me – evil that has reached all the way into the hierarchy of the Church where there is apparently a growing file with my name on it. (Based on what I’ve heard, the file must be enormous!). Part of me wants to ask, “Don’t you people have anything better to do with your time?” The other part of me just sighs in resignation over the very real truth that both Jesus and Mary Magdalene were treated in the very same way by the institutions and people around them. So, who am I to mourn over uninformed and hateful comments made against me “in Jesus’ name?” Another part of me knows that the things being said against me are simply a reflection of the unhealed wound of rejection in those rejecting me and the extent to which I feel rejected by them is the degree to which they fear being rejected by God.
I weep for their fear and pray for their healing….but still it makes me sad. Sad to know that there are those “out there” speaking evil against me and against the work I am doing in the world. So I grieve. I grieve the relationship with the Church I once enjoyed. I grieve the loss of the dream. I grieve the hole in my heart where these “friends” once lived. I grieve for those who don’t even know me and who hold some sort of personal vendetta against me for the sake of their own self-righteousness. I grieve for a hierarchy who doesn’t know me except through the lens of someone else’s fear. I grieve for a Church who has lost another valuable resource and all other lost possibilities because of the wholesale exclusion of anything associated with my name. And I grieve for myself – for the little girl who found her connection with God in the silent experience of the mass, the woman who found her calling through the words of her pastor, who found her formation in the arms of the Church and who wants nothing but to serve God through Jesus by helping the world to know what she has come to know through Jesus’ message of love – that we are all ONE and that we are ONE with each other through LOVE/God.
Mastery Work: Then, when I am done with my grieving, the true mastery work steps in. I see this all for what it really is – AN OPPORTUNITY TO HEAL MY OWN FEAR OF REJECTION! It is not a coincidence that the “haters” are showing up now as I am about to step into something magnificent. As I’m being given an opportunity to step even more fully into my Soul’s purpose, here are those rejecting me and me reacting to their rejection by feeling rejected. The “mastery” work reminds me that everything showing up in our lives is here for our own evolution. So those who are showing up reflecting back to me the fear of rejection are here as teachers, giving me an opportunity to see the wound that is not yet healed within me so that I can do the work of healing it so that I can take the next BOLD step toward the purpose of my Soul. Thank you haters! And here is the prayer that I will be employing to assist myself in healing the fear of rejection and in doing so, helping them find healing for theirs as well:
I’m sorry (to the part of my soul that is feeling rejected)
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Lauri Ann Lumby offers empowerment training for those who want to change their world. To learn more call (920) 230-1313 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.