Posted in Authentic Freedom, Being Human, Faith, God, Initiation, Jesus, Lessons

When I Stopped Believing in God – God’s Response!

Well, as my dear friend Gretchen Herrmann predicted, God did respond to my complete meltdown in yesterday’s blog.  I must preface this response by making it clear that my ultimate frustration is about MONEY.  Doing the work of my Soul and continuing to find the financial piece only by the skin of my teeth….or sometimes even less than this, and having to be really creative about money.  The situation has become increasingly hairy the closer I get to launching my Sunday Service and my fall academy.  I often want to get all Cuba Gooding Jr. on God and shout, “SHOW ME THE MONEY!”  Alas, what is (or isn’t) being shown often tests my faith. 


Yesterday morning, immediately after reading Gretchen’s prediction, as I was getting ready to write my weekly meditation newsletter based on this coming Sunday’s scripture, what I’m guessing to be God’s answer showed up.  Then, in case I didn’t get it the first time, while attending my monthly gathering with the local CSJ (Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondolet) community the VERY SAME readings were given as our reflection.  The following are the readings that I’m taking as God’s answer to my meltdown…YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!!!

Reading 1 2 Kgs 4:42-44

A man came from Baal-shalishah bringing to Elisha, the man of God,
twenty barley loaves made from the firstfruits,
and fresh grain in the ear.
Elisha said, “Give it to the people to eat.”
But his servant objected,
“How can I set this before a hundred people?”
Elisha insisted, “Give it to the people to eat.”
“For thus says the LORD,
‘They shall eat and there shall be some left over.’”
And when they had eaten, there was some left over,
as the LORD had said.

Responsorial Psalm Ps 145:10-11, 15-16, 17-18

R. (cf. 16) The hand of the Lord feeds us; he answers all our needs.
Let all your works give you thanks, O LORD,
and let your faithful ones bless you.
Let them discourse of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might.
R. The hand of the Lord feeds us; he answers all our needs.
The eyes of all look hopefully to you,
and you give them their food in due season;
you open your hand
and satisfy the desire of every living thing.
R. The hand of the Lord feeds us; he answers all our needs.
The LORD is just in all his ways
and holy in all his works.
The LORD is near to all who call upon him,
to all who call upon him in truth.
R. The hand of the Lord feeds us; he answers all our needs.

GospelJn 6:1-15

Jesus went across the Sea of Galilee.
A large crowd followed him,
because they saw the signs he was performing on the sick.
Jesus went up on the mountain,
and there he sat down with his disciples.
The Jewish feast of Passover was near.
When Jesus raised his eyes
and saw that a large crowd was coming to him,
he said to Philip,
“Where can we buy enough food for them to eat?”
He said this to test him,
because he himself knew what he was going to do.
Philip answered him,
“Two hundred days’ wages worth of food would not be enough
for each of them to have a little.”
One of his disciples,
Andrew, the brother of Simon Peter, said to him,
“There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish;
but what good are these for so many?”
Jesus said, “Have the people recline.”
Now there was a great deal of grass in that place.
So the men reclined, about five thousand in number.
Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks,
and distributed them to those who were reclining,
and also as much of the fish as they wanted.
When they had had their fill, he said to his disciples,
“Gather the fragments left over,
so that nothing will be wasted.”
So they collected them,
and filled twelve wicker baskets with fragments
from the five barley loaves
that had been more than they could eat.
When the people saw the sign he had done, they said,
“This is truly the Prophet, the one who is to come into the world.”
Since Jesus knew that they were going to come and carry him off
to make him king,
he withdrew again to the mountain alone.

Ok God.  I get it.  The truth of Abundance.  Chapter Three in my Authentic Freedom book.  And, the closer I get to the fullness of my Soul’s purpose, the harder the ego will work to keep me from that path.  Employ the practices I know for cultivating contentment, surrender and peace.  Resist the temptation to fall into fear and doubt.  And trust I’m on the right path, doing the right thing(s) and that in this, all my needs will be provided for. 
And….could we make it a little less than just by the skin of my teeth please! 



I am a trained, professional Spiritual Director, Author and Hands-on Healer. I offer services, programs and classes that empower you to hear the voice of the Divine that speaks from within you. It is the voice of the Divine that leads us to our highest truth, to the discovery and cultivation of our gifts and to a life of Authentic Freedom where we know contentment, compassion and joy. Your truth will set you free!

6 thoughts on “When I Stopped Believing in God – God’s Response!

  1. I must admit I was somewhat rattled by your post yesterday and was waiting to see what the follow-up would be. I must say…I felt a deep sense of resonance with all of it. Something a couple of friends are always saying to me is also resonating: “God is a sneak!”

    1. Bill,
      Your friends are much kinder in their thoughts on God! My God is a sneak thoughts are often a little more colorful! 😉

      Bill…we are all on the same journey, are we not! The roller coaster between faith and doubt, hope and despair. I am so human sometimes it hurts!

      Thank you for being another brother on this journey!

  2. You’ve done it again, Lauri: written yet another post that could have come from me. My prayer for yesterday was: “Would it kill You to turn just one of the amazing vocations You have for me into an income stream?”

    And I say that as someone who “wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.”

  3. amen, sistah!

    God provides. Just not on our timeframe or matching our expectations. But, I knew your request would be responded to.

    This reminds me of one of Jeff’s tapes, and the message about faith. “The confident assurance of things hoped for ~ and the evidence of things not seen.” (from Hebrews 11:1) At my lack of patience with that one time a friend quipped “I want it, and I want it NOW!” ~ reminding me that God’s timing doesn’t always (ever?) mirror our own, but that we are not forgotten or alone, and that all things unfold as they should.

    We are here now for a reason. As empty as it seems and as hard as it is to have faith sometimes, I need to keep reminding myself that. It may feel like we’re further and further from the well, but we are stronger and more resilient and can make it. Wherever we need to go ~ doing whatever we need to do.

    1. Gretchen,
      I’m so grateful for you and the twenty years we’ve shared this journey together! So funny that you bring up one of Jeff’s homily as it was one of his homilies that got me on this crazy path in the first place! (you know, the one with the brick!). Jeff if you are listening, “Thank you sir, may I have another!?” 😉

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