Posted in Being Human, Lessons, shame

Hate Hangover – getting to know our shadow

Today’s blog explores the relationship between our soul’s purpose and its direct opposite, our soul shadow.  In the human journey, the goal is to bring both into the light so that they may be fully integrated, bringing us into the realization of our greatest potential.

Soul’s Purpose

One day I asked God what my soul’s purpose was and this was God’s immediate answer:


My job is to know the love that I am and to be this love in the world.  Additionally, my job is to be open to knowing the love that others are and to receive that love openly and humbly.  Since receiving this revelation, I have directed my work and my life toward being love and toward helping others remember the love that they are.  This “work” takes many forms from the professional work that I get “paid” to do, to simply being love in every encounter where love is possible.

Soul’s shadow


Now before you get all excited about “Oh yeah…..another story of some la-la lightworker who flits and floats around being love to everyone she meets…smiling and floating around on gossamer wings sprinkling love dust all over the world, perfect in every way, never experiencing the reality of humanness, never thinking bad thoughts or doing bad things, some holier-than thou airy-fairy-new age hippie leftover”  WRONG!  Wrong!  Wrong!  Because on the opposite side of all this love…..the love I’m trying to remember within myself and trying to help others remember is a HUGE BALL OF HATE!  This HATE is so huge that it startles me when it shows up and I am frightened by its power and the way it consumes me in spite of my efforts to love and to be the “perfect” loving and forgiving angel I want to be.  (ok, I admit, maybe I don’t really want to be so perfect….in fact since perfectionism is one of my demons, I’m pretty sure that striving for perfection is self-destructive rather than supportive of personal growth.)  I digress…..

The Soul’s Integration

The goal of the human journey, is NOT to be perfect.  As much as the strive toward perfect is my demon, it is yours and the rest of humanity with us.  In fact, the more we try to be “perfect” (ie:  always loving in every thing and every way), the more our shadow will try to get our attention.  And the harder we push our shadow away (in my case, hatred), the harder it will work to be known, and if we continue to ignore it, it will start coming out sideways in really unhealthy and self-destructive behaviors, or it will come out sideways in equally self-destructive self-numbing and self-medicating behaviors which might mask the shadow, but at the same time, it is masking the light aspects of our soul.

Darkness and Light are But One

Psalm 139 reminds us that “darkness and light are but one.”  What this saying is that in what we are tempted to judge as darkness or light are neither- instead, they are simply what is and that from the Divine perspective, there is no judgment.  In other words, even those things which we might judge as negative (hatred), can serve a benevolent purpose.  I know for myself, hatred has sometimes served to motivate me to set boundaries, to speak in situations where I might have been tempted to remain silent, to act where I might have chose to not act.  I also know that hatred has sometimes shown up as a way to affirm or validate something that I believed about another person or to remind me to uphold appropriate boundaries where I might have been tempted to relax the boundaries I set in a particular relationship.  I also know that hatred has often shown up in situations that are completely outside of my control which then gives me an opportunity to invite a deeper level of letting go and surrender.  Hatred, in a nutshell, keeps me humble and reminds me of how truly human I am and not to get tempted into believing I am all-love and all- that because in truth- I’m not.

Getting to know the shadow

We all know who our shadow is… is the part of ourselves we try to deny, try to hide from the world.  You know your shadow… create some space to let it speak to you.  What is it trying to communicate?  How are you trying to hide it?  How do you reject it?  How might it serve a benevolent rather than malevolent purpose?  How might your shadow actually be serving your highest good?

And just for fun… are a few videos to help you connect with your shadow (WARNING:  strong language and content!!!!!)

NIN  – The Hand that Feeds

Marilyn Manson – mObscene

Marilyn Manson – Fight Song

Disturbed – Voices

Lauri Lumby offers one-on-one mentoring, couples’ mentoring, courses and workshops which help you to identify and integrate your gifts as well as your shadow so that you can live more fully as your most authentic self, experiencing joy, contentment and fulfillment in a life which has meaning and purpose.  Call (920) 230-1313 or email lauri@yourspiritualtruth to learn more.


I am a trained, professional Spiritual Director, Author and Hands-on Healer. I offer services, programs and classes that empower you to hear the voice of the Divine that speaks from within you. It is the voice of the Divine that leads us to our highest truth, to the discovery and cultivation of our gifts and to a life of Authentic Freedom where we know contentment, compassion and joy. Your truth will set you free!

3 thoughts on “Hate Hangover – getting to know our shadow

  1. Ah, yes the shadow side. I think it’s important to wrestle with it once in a while. It sometimes gives me perspective when it crops up and invariably means I have a lesson to learn. And I’m wrestling with one at the moment.

    Yep, no light, no dark. No dark, no light. They are both needed for the world to turn. One thing to bear in mind is how much of an effect we let either have. At times, simply acknowledging that they are both there is enough to get you thinking on a new stage. And that can only be helpful.
    Thanks for this post. 🙂

    (reikipeth & wellfield therapies)

  2. You are in a humbling place Lauri. To bear your soul to the world,as is sometimes felt as a
    writers curse. Yes,my shaddow is felt too when I write,but the humbling “keeps me hanging
    on”,reminding me how to be more generously loving towards myself and others. It’s our
    shaddows that keep this other side of us moving forward ever more powerfully! Even through
    our darkest times! “Though I walk throu the valley of the shaddow of death,Thou art with me”!
    Your faith makes people whole! You are one of the links that “keeps me hanging on” Thanks
    for staying real lauri,it does wonders for my Soul! With much love,Jay

    1. Jay,
      Your words mean a lot to me. I have felt it a very important part of my ministry to acknowledge my humanness and clients and students have reflected back how this transparency helps them to feel welcome and at ease and more willing to be open to their own challenges, “weaknesses” and difficulties. Other “teachers” have not always agreed with or been supportive of my approach in this way. In truth, I try not to use the word teacher because we are all on this journey together – we are all students in this thing called life. Perhaps there are some things I have learned in this journey that can help others to grow, to heal, to find comfort, inspiration and empowerment and if I can share that, then I am happy to! I will never pretend to be some “La-La Lightworker (the term I came up with for yesterday’s blog), who has to appear perfect in the world. Instead, I am comfortable being human – occasional hatred and all. 🙂 I have also learned that if I am prideful enough to forget my humanness and am tempted for a moment to believe I’m better than another, the universe quickly reminds me otherwise. 🙂 God is funny that way!

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