When I look at the search words people are using to find my blog, Authentic Freedom, Dark Night, Twin Flame and Soulmate are four frequently appearing keywords and phrases. As such, I thought it a good idea to address these topics and see how they might relate to the current discussion thread on midlife and menopause.
Authentic Freedom and Love
In my book, Authentic Freedom – claiming a life of contentment and joy, I confront our Western ideas of love. Specifically, I address envy as the compulsion related to our unhealthy attitudes and choices around love. Envy comes out of the fear that we are not loved and that someone out there will make us feel loved. Through envy, we believe someone else will make us feel whole, complete, content and loved. Hello Jerry McGuire!
Love and Co-Dependency
For many (if not most) of us, the love relationships of our youth reflect these beliefs about love. We believe we will find our happily ever after when we find that PERFECT partner. We eventually learn that the person on whom we have projected our unrealized self is not perfect after all and if we are honest with ourselves, we realize that the things we sought in the other are really qualities we need to discover and cultivate within ourselves. This realization ushers in the dark night of the relationship. It is at this stage that the relationship either dissolves, or one or both parties begin the process of self-discovery. If both parties decide to do this work, there is a possibility that they could re-create their love relationship, firmly rooted in mutual self-love and interdependence. For couples that never acknowledge the dark night or where only one decides to do the work, the relationship is probably doomed or at the very least will seethe in the silent misery of discontent.
Love and Soulmates
The most common idea of a soulmate is the one perfect person with whom we will find our happily ever after. This definition of soulmate originates in the deadly compulsion of envy and is rooted in our fear that we are not loved. I prefer to define soulmate in a much broader and perhaps healthier sense. I think of soulmates as those persons with whom we feel a soul-connection – those people we meet and feel an immediate affinity with….those with whom we might share a common purpose, passion or even vocation. I think of a soulmate as part of our soul family – those persons with whom we agreed to connect so as to accomplish our work in the world. As such, we might have many soulmates.
Love and Twin Flames
Transcending romantic ideas of love, a Twin Flame love exists between two individuals who have come to realize the love that they are as individuals and are therefore not looking for the other person to complete them. Twin Flames are recognized in a shared passion and vocation, they tend to have common interests and share a similar way of seeing and being in the world. Twin Flames, in a sense, seem to share a single soul and are here to accomplish a very important mission which they both feel and which is more fully awakened in each other’s presence. When Twin Flames come together, there is a recognition beyond that of mere soulmates because, when we behold our Twin Flame, we are seeing ourselves. In Twin Flame relationships, 1+1 = INFINITY – an infinity felt by both parties in an awesome, almost wordless kind of way. (I recently had a glimpse of this love while in meditation and it quite literally took my breath away – I could not breathe, I could not react, all I could do was sit in silent wonder over the strength and power of this love. If I had entered fully into it, it would have brought me to tears….or even collapse.) Twin Flames often speak of having had a sense of “the other” along with a deep longing to be reunited with “the other,” – a longing that may at first have come out of a sense of lack, but after they have done the work of self-love, this longing is more of an awareness of the presence of the other. When the Twin Flames come together, this longing finds it fulfillment….but not in a codependent kind of way. In coming together, Twin Flames reflect the abundant and infinite love of God. Twin Flames intimately know the love of God and are called to live and reflect that love in the world and in their presence, the world is awakened and transformed in exponential ways. The coming together of Twin Flames causes a ripple of love in the universe that quite literally, turns the world to love. (Twin Flame relationships are not, however, free from conflict. While they have come to remember the love they are, Twin Flames are still human and as such, will experience the normal range of relationship conflicts….they will just be better equipped to negotiate healthy resolutions to conflict. ) Historical examples of Twin Flame love might include Jesus and Mary Magdalene, Krishna and Radha, Francis and Clare of Assisi, Theresa of Avila and John of the Cross, John Lennon and Yoko Ono.
Love, Midlife and Menopause
How does any of this pertain to the midlife/menopause journey? It is most often during midlife that we are confronted by our unhealed illusions around love and are invited to remember the love that we are so that we can do the work of creating life-giving, mutually loving and interdependent relationships that then serve to help us change the world. That’s how! 🙂
Lauri Ann Lumby mentors individuals and couples in the birth of their soul – the way in which they are uniquely and creatively gifted to find meaning, purpose and fulfillment and which they are called to share in service to the betterment of the world. You can contact Lauri at (920) 230-1313 or firstname.lastname@example.org to set up your own mentoring session.