Posted in Being Human, God, Lessons, Surrender

Spiritual Exile

When we have sought and not found, pursued and come up empty, asked and been denied, we begin to question our hopes and our dreams, inner longings and desires.  And we wonder, what is the remedy to this feeling of being exiled from our vision, exiled from our very self?  What is the antidote to spiritual exile?


Spiritual Exile

Grey stone walls encircle me

As high as the eye can see

Splatters of blood, sometimes dripping from hitting my head against the wall.

The heels of my fists scraped and bruised from pounding for release.

My voice silenced from screaming to be heard.

Head aching from thinking…planning…doing…and trying…

To find my out, beyond the walls

to my hopes and dreams.

I’ve sought and have not found.

I’ve knocked and not been heard.

I’ve asked and not been given.

Success as a writer

Prosperity in service

Recognition for my gifts

Affirmation of my beauty

A love I can call my own.

No reward for the striving

No comfort in the effort

No fruit in the doing

Instead, only disappointment and frustration

Forever discontent in this excruciating longing.

But….this is not just another dark night of the soul

For God is here, all around me, holding me fast

I acutely feel his presence, he’s just not responding.

Instead, he’s waiting in silence for me to

Cease this relentless striving which has imprisoned me in an exile of my own making.

With nothing left to give,

Absent energy or motivation for the striving

Exhausted from the pursuit

I collapse to the floor in prayer, pleading…

“What do you want from me?”

Imprisoned in my tower

Exiled from my dreams

God’s one-word answer whispers:


And here at last, I find peace.


I am a trained, professional Spiritual Director, Author and Hands-on Healer. I offer services, programs and classes that empower you to hear the voice of the Divine that speaks from within you. It is the voice of the Divine that leads us to our highest truth, to the discovery and cultivation of our gifts and to a life of Authentic Freedom where we know contentment, compassion and joy. Your truth will set you free!

2 thoughts on “Spiritual Exile

  1. Holy shit Lauri this is so wonderful! Thank you for sharing your darkness.
    your soul-brother

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