Posted in Being Human, Healing, Inspiration

Replacing the Inner Critic with Love

Hi.  My name is Lauri.  I am a perfectionist, driven by my addiction to my inner critic.  I admit that I am powerless over my addiction to rejection and that because of this addiction, my life has become unmanageable.  I believe in a power greater than myself that can restore me to sanity.  I turn this addiction over to the God of my understanding.   And this is when true miracles happen!

The Demons of Self-Rejection and Self-Loathing

All of my life, I have been plagued by a voice that seems to come at me from both directions – both from inside of me and from outside of me.  This is the voice of the Inner Critic – that big, mean, Lauri that stands outside of me wagging the finger of blame and speaking within me eating away at my self worth.  “It is all your fault.  There is something wrong with you.  If you aren’t perfect, people won’t love you.  If you work really hard, you might be loved.  If you aren’t loved, it means you aren’t enough or your efforts weren’t good enough.”  This is the inner critic that for my whole life has told me that there is something wrong with me, that I am not enough and that I am not good enough.  This is the voice that compelled me as a child to embrace the compulsion of perfectionism – I had to be the straight A student, the top achiever, the teacher’s pet, the star, the best…at everything.  This voice served me well in academics where I naturally thrived, but beyond that, that voice was a B.I.T.C.H.  When I couldn’t throw or catch a ball, she said, “I told you there was something wrong with you.”  When I couldn’t draw, “I told you you had no talent.”  When I forgot the second movement of Beethoven’s Pathetique Sonata at my senior recital, “Who told you you could play piano?”  When no one asked me out for prom, “I told you you were ugly.”  When the people around me were hurt, angry, depressed, scared, the voice told me, “It must be your fault….something you’ve done.”  ARGH!  I hate that voice and all the ways she has made me feel like C.R.A.P.

Origin of the Voice?

Psychologists would tell me that this voice of the Inner Critic came about through my childhood – an overly critical or overbearing parent or something like that.  The Enneagram, however, offers a softer and kinder possibility.  The voice of the Inner Critic was something that I was born with.  While the development of its shadow side may have been supported by certain family of origin dynamics, the Inner Critic’s source of origin (according to the Enneagram) is the unique lens I was born with and through which I perceive my world and my life experiences.  Hidden within the voice of the critic is the gift that I was born to share with the world.  The trick is to find healing for the spiritual wound of separation (for more on that, see my book Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy), so that the shadow side of the gift may soften and relax and the gift may emerge.

Elusive Healing

I have worked for YEARS on trying to heal that wound of separation and quiet the voice of the Inner Critic.  While my perfectionist has relaxed and I am WAY better than I used to be, I have still found myself plagued by that darn Inner voice wagging the finger of blame at me.  With the recent end of a love relationship, that darn Inner Critic has gotten especially loud and annoying.  As I have been moving through the expected faces of grief, the Inner Critic has been beating the crap out of me and on Monday, I finally realized how mean she really is and how much I no longer want her to be a part of  my life.  For the first time, I PRAYED for healing and asked God to take this burden away from me.

Ask and it Shall Be Given

As I finally collapsed into a helpless heap of frustration and admitted I was powerless over this darn Inner Critic and finally asked for God’s help, miracles began to happen.  Through a series of experiences, I found the Inner Critic began to become quieter.  I re-discovered some meditation tools that helped me to further calm that inner voice and allow myself to remember a deeper state of peace and love.  Then something AMAZING happened – three separate individuals (spiritual teachers) in three separate conversations offered similar advice, “Give love to yourself.  Shower yourself in love.  Tend to your own need for love.”  It wasn’t until the third offering on the third day that I GOT IT.  And this is what I saw:

Standing outside of me was me.  At first the outside me was the Inner Critic, wagging her finger of self-hatred at me.  Then, she suddenly changed.  She lowered her arm, turned to face me, looked into my eyes, embraced me, and loved me.

The Inner Critic was now the Inner Lover.  Holding me.  Loving me.  Supporting me.  Adoring me.  For the first time in my life, I received the love that I so generously and freely give to others.  And that was an amazing thing.

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries


I am a trained, professional Spiritual Director, Author and Hands-on Healer. I offer services, programs and classes that empower you to hear the voice of the Divine that speaks from within you. It is the voice of the Divine that leads us to our highest truth, to the discovery and cultivation of our gifts and to a life of Authentic Freedom where we know contentment, compassion and joy. Your truth will set you free!

4 thoughts on “Replacing the Inner Critic with Love

  1. Powerful, Thank you for your transparent spirit, may the many who read this be healed and set

  2. I seem to find my ‘inner critic’ gets louder the more exhausted I get. We all have our own ways of dealing with the inner critic challenge. I’m having a go with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which is helping and I’m looking to get a session with a local Bach Flower Remedies practitioner to help me out too. Only just realised how wiped out (physically & mentally) I’ve become, so I’ll be keeping on with the Reiki too!

    Yes, it’s interesting how change can be possible in the most unexpected ways!
    Keep posting Lauri!

    Sue at Reikipeth

  3. Only Love Can See
    We are living in an age where the new must give into cosmic transformation’s to our ever
    changing lives where the new Person grows more passionatly within Our True Selves.and
    become’s more closely Intimately aquainted in In Christ’s love with our God’s Mother & Fathers, as we supernaturaly take on their the Holy Spirit’s ever changing atmosfere.of A clinging love life in Christ,where all is a new shifting love in the Holy Spirit’s Anchoring our soul’s ever incerasing change, which ever iincreasingly lifts us up in Chist. This transforms us from the the realm of the ego,to where our thoghts are becoming the slave of our false selves critical abuse egotisticaly that only spirals downward! Through Christ In the deepest Silence,we are born into relating to God’s Beingness the NOW,where past and future disapear,along with our constant self critic worrying in the present.where our only True Selves Belong the Now of Beingness and our deepest silence and the intimate stillness in Christ the Lord where in our deepest silence “He leads me beside the still water restoring our Souls”, where only love sees self and others, In Christ’s unquenchable purest love for Self and others from His Sacred the fire there purifying all in that Sacred Love!
    Worrying is our last couldren to be released,which is an illusion of fears and self judgement to self .Chasing that fear down by the Holy Spirit,until you truly see it as an illusion constantly combating our True Selves in Christ.When you finally understand it has no reality in our new selves in Christ,these will end too! Because,these fearful thoughts have lost their armour to overpower us any more! The rulers of measuring up is now obsolete,in the Light Of Christ by the The Power of Now in the Holy Spirit! In own thoughts for ourselves and we can begin in the Sacred Silence,realizing we don’t have to think at all. As the observer only of our thoughts we discover the carnal minds loose their magnetic pull and all power from keeping us it’s prisoner. Christ’s complete emptying Himself on the Cross,Like the empty black hole which polarity nothing escapes It,as Christ made clear,”If I be lifted up from the earth(on the cross)
    I will draw all men unto me.He is able to subdue all things unto Him Self With our thoughts to!
    The bottom line is with all worrying. We are NOW filled with Christ’s armour in which no
    illusions can win knowing this forever deepening level in Christ’s perfect love and mercy for us will never be denied of A deeper love beyond this world! Here is the best part of this,We have the power in Christ to anullify all worry and fear brought on by the ego’s Powerless carnal on-slaughts! Identifying with the mind rather than Being,One using 10% of brain,the other All!
    We should turn off all worying and fears into Christ’s supernatural love,shining on us without shadow of turning! My best remedy for this is,know matter how wacky your endless day presents itself,seeming to being beyond our power to resolve,I then say throughout the day,(ALL IS Well)! Until The Holy Spirit Fills us with comfort in the invisible things,of our True Self and Beingness in Christ,for all is in His control! and “all things are working together for good to all who love God,according to His Purpose from before all time! On into the eternal in the Fathers everlasting,Love for all,infinitely beyond words!
    Despite your experiances ,God knows only the plans of good for you,Leading to a graeter intamacy of love with him and all people! Only Love Can See,that is His language,to infuse this fire of His us Including toward’s all who have hurt us the most.Ask Him for this power in the Holy Spirit,it will come. With the observation of “Only Love Can See” A quote God gave me to heal my powerlessness over any resentments life may throw my way!
    Above all rest in God’s rest in Christ’s rest always in the works “Finished” from the world’s
    foundations! “His yoke is easy,and his burden light”! You are His Shining Lights in this world!
    May the Holy Spirit bring to understand such Infinite loving Knowledge in Christs Amazing Grace!
    Shine like the stars eternally in this Incredible Love,We all need so desprately! God Bless you!
    Jay P. Raeder

    1. Jay,
      Thank you for these beautiful words…..and perfect timing too. Have you thought of hosting your own blog? More need to hear your insights and observations.

      With love,

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