In today’s blog, I share with you a tidbit of wisdom that I found by accident in a video….and this tidbit of wisdom, in one moment, has profoundly changed my life.
Before I even begin, here is a link to the video that in ONE SECOND profoundly changed my life: http://www.mattmorris.com/general/motivational-monday-66/ . This video is a talk given by Brene Brown, LMSW, research professor, author, motivational speaker and writer of the Ordinary Courage blog. The video covers a range of topics, all centered on our need as humans for connection and what either allows or disallows us from getting this need met. In a nutshell – worthiness. This was the wisdom nugget that brought me to my knees and shattered all the illusions I had been carrying around within me about myself and my perception of the world.
I am Worthy of Love and Belonging
Through years of research, Brene has identified ONE quality that determines our ability as human beings to find and sustain healthy, intimate connections and to weather the challenges of the human condition. The belief that she has identified is I am worthy of love and belonging. Those people who believe this, find, cultivate and sustain healthy, intimate connections, have a strong sense of inner courage and are able to weather the storms of the human condition. Those who struggle, she found, do so because they do not believe that they are worthy of love and belonging.
Yada Yada Yada
So, what is Lauri Lumby, Spiritual Director, Author, Minister, Teacher, Healer, Mother, Friend doing spending time on this topic? Of course I believe that I am worthy of love and belonging….right? WRONG!!!!! This was why Brene’s video brought me to my knees. When she shared the results of her research, distilled into this tiny truth…..my heart broke open, I fell to the floor, and I started bawling. I suddenly realized that no, I did not believe this truth. I did not believe that I was worthy of love and I did not believe that I was worthy of belonging. Then suddenly, with this tiny revelation, my entire life began to make sense – specifically, those aspects of my life with which I have struggled ….. things with which I have struggled for as far back as I could remember.
One thing I have learned is that there is a profound, yet subtle difference between knowing something and knowing something. I have always known I was loved, worthy of love, worthy of belonging, worthy of a fruitful, happy, fulfilling life. Turns out, however, that I only knew it. I did not KNOW it. As I listened to Brene’s talk, I realized that all of my struggles for healthy intimacy, a sense of belonging, for inner strength and courage, for inner contentment and for professional as well as financial success was rooted in the cold, hard fact that I thought I knew I was worthy of love, belonging, professional and financial success…..but I did not KNOW it. Somewhere deep in my heart, I still felt undeserving of love, belonging, professional and financial success. As such, I have struggled. I have struggled so hard, in fact, that just yesterday, before viewing Brene’s video, I was relaying to a friend how damn tired I was from working so dang hard just to survive in the world and to eek out a meager existence for myself and my family. Life, to me, has always felt like REALLY HARD work and now I believe that the reason it has felt like so much work is because I was in truth, working against myself. I was working, working, working for fulfillment, healthy intimacy, belonging, professional and financial success while on some level, I didn’t really believe I was worthy of any of it. So even if a tiny bit of success found its way into my life or I was shown a gesture of love or generosity, my response has always been a mixture of gratitude, with one hand up pushing it away because I did not really feel worthy. I always thought this response was humility….not I know it was really me rejecting that which I didn’t believe I was worthy of receiving in the first place. Holy Cow this was deep!
So, now what do I do with this awareness? In truth – nothing. I felt my heart break open and I spilled tears of release and relief. I believe that in that heart-rending moment, something in me was profoundly healed and transformed. I now understand why my life has felt like such a struggle. And now I really believe that I KNOW that I am worthy of love and belonging. The rest will take care of itself.
Do you KNOW that you are worthy of love and belonging?
How might you be open to KNOWING this truth?
What in your life has been a struggle because you might not have known this truth?
How might your life begin to change if you were to KNOW this truth?
Authentic Freedom Ministries