Posted in codependency, Lessons

The Secret to Love

As we grow along the spiritual path, one of the most valuable pieces of insight is around the topic of love.  In today’s blog, learn that insight and begin to take steps toward making it part of your life.

“The secret to a truly loving relationship is the knowledge

that you are love itself.  This discovery will give you the ability

to love in total freedom without fear of loss.

There is no greater joy than this.”

Isha Lerner

Secrets from Unexpected Places

The above quote showed up in my email basket this morning and upon its receipt I jumped for joy, “I could not have said it better myself.”  In fact, this is the essential truth that is explored in chapter six of Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy (of which I am the author).  And contrary to popular opinion, this IS the secret to a life of deep and abiding love.

Love is NOT outside of us

The popular opinion about love and the perception about love that we are brought up to believe is that love is outside of us and it something that we are supposed to seek, pursue, obtain…and it is only in obtaining the “handsome prince” or “beautiful princess” outside of us that we can ever hope to find happiness.  Well, as you can readily discover from many men and women in mid-life (somewhere around 46), this is a bunch of crap.  Happiness is not to be discovered in “the other” and for those of us who entered into relationship believing this, all we end up with is disappointment and hurt.

The Cold, Hard Truth

The cold, hard truth is that love is not to be found outside of us, but can only be found within.  That does not mean that people are not able to cultivate a relationship that is reflective of a deep and abiding love, but if they have, it is because on some level, they have come to know the love that they are and were one of the lucky ones to find a partner who also knows the love within themselves and together they are able to radiate the mutuality of love.  For the rest of the world, the journey might begin with the shattering of the illusions of fairytale love, disappointment, followed by the long, arduous journey of self-discovery and the opening to self-love.

It Starts at Home

The real work of love starts at home….within our own being.  We need to come to the awareness that we are the very nature of love itself, and we need to be open to knowing and experiencing this love on a very deep level.  As we allow ourselves to be present to the truth of this love, our old wounds are healed and we are transformed into compassionate, joyful, loving and contented beings, grounded and whole in the awareness of who we are and who we are called to be in the world.  When rooted in the awareness of this love, we are no longer tempted to look for love outside of ourselves or to live in the fear of the deprivation of love.  As such, we are able to live and love freely, openly, spontaneously, from our truth, without needing to cling to the fear-driven behaviors of co-dependency, neediness or envy.  From this place, we can be content in aloneness or in mutual partnership if that is what presents itself in our lives.

A Note of Comfort

Yes, this truth about love can be a bitter pill to swallow, but it is only in recognizing this truth that we can ever hope to cultivate healthy, loving intimacy either in the context of a romantic partnership or with our friends and family members.  The comfort is in knowing that as a species we ARE called to be in relationship.  On the spiritual journey, we get to decide what we want those relationships to look like: covetous, jealous, needy, conflictual, painful, harmful or filled with the abundance of joy, mutuality, compassion, understanding, communication, intimacy, peace.  What do you want?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries


I am a trained, professional Spiritual Director, Author and Hands-on Healer. I offer services, programs and classes that empower you to hear the voice of the Divine that speaks from within you. It is the voice of the Divine that leads us to our highest truth, to the discovery and cultivation of our gifts and to a life of Authentic Freedom where we know contentment, compassion and joy. Your truth will set you free!

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