As we move along the path of spiritual growth toward awakening and enlightenment, we grow in our ability to perceive, but more importantly, believe our truth. Today’s blog reveals some of the dramatic ways in which truth will try to get our attention if we attempt to ignore or deny it. (PS for more on discerning truth, read chapters 7-9 of my book, Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy.)
I Can See Clearly Now
Recently, a slew of truths have been revealed (or should I say confirmed?) to me. These are the kinds of truths that would have a dramatic affect in anyone’s life should they also be faced with these truths. Confirmation of these truths brought forth grief and I am grateful for the gifts of a benevolent universe that provided the space and the perfect companion with whom I could process through this grief, while providing a shoulder on which she too could process her own grief. I know that the processing of these truths will continue to unfold, but as I stand either in the middle or on the other side of these truths, I can clearly see how my own inner self had been trying to get me to recognize and acknowledge these truths all along.
As I look back over the past several years, glimpses of these “newly revealed” truths have been present for a VERY LONG time. A feeling in my gut, a sense that something was not right, questions answered with veiled responses, challenges met with protest or harsh condemnation…..all these were signposts to truths wanting to be known, but either denied, repressed or ignored. Some point along this path came the doubt and the question of “Am I just crazy, irrational, untrusting?” “Maybe I’m just bored and picking a fight.” “It must be my fault, and my insanity…because that’s what they are saying.” But then the sneaking sensation in my gut never went away and the feeling of unease simply increased. Then came the tantrum….the truth stomping its feet and waving its hands…PAY ATTENTION…SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT IN DENMARK!!!!!
This is probably not the case with all situations of depression and panic attack disorder, but when I look back with the 20/20 vision of hindsight, I now understand the TRUTH that was trying to get my attention. Since I wasn’t paying attention to the more subtle clues of truth (or I wasn’t emotionally ready to handle the consequences of knowing these truths), my truth had to get louder, more forceful, it had to have a tantrum…and it sure did. First was the FULL BLOWN panic attack…heart pounding, body trembling, sweat dripping, floor pacing, “I must be crazy” or “I’m having a heart attack and I’m going to die.” If you’ve ever had a panic attack….you know what I mean. If you haven’t, trust me when I say you DON’T want to know! Follow that up with a week-long, bed ridden migraine (migraines always follow panic attack for me). Apparently that wasn’t enough…so here comes the DEPRESSION. Blech. Fast forward a few years after successful attempts to “control” the panic through alternative medicine, talk therapy, Spiritual Direction and a WHOLE LOT of inner work….but I still wasn’t listening (or emotionally ready). After a life-changing, international, spiritual pilgrimage, my truth decided to redouble her efforts. I SAW… KNEW… BELIEVED the truth that was trying to reveal itself to me while on this pilgrimage…but instead of acting (apparently still not emotionally ready) I went right back to my “normal” life. To this I was awakened EVERY MORNING at 2am to the joyful (I say this with sarcasm) experience of a full blown panic attack. WAKE UP LAURI…..TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE TRUTH. Panic attack. Migraines. Depression….all vehicles through which the truth was trying to get my attention. OK OK….I’m paying attention.
What if we believed?
Prior to recent revelations, these truths have only been suspicions. I had no validation, verification or affirmation of these truths. All I could go on was a hunch and a prayer. But now that all has been confirmed….I can look back in wonder at the dramatic ways in which our truth will try to get our attention….what would happen if we paid attention from the beginning? What would happen if we trusted and believed in our truth instead of denying, questioning and doubting it? I think from now on I will pay closer attention to my truth…it sure proved to be right!
Where have you had suspicions, a gut feeling, a sense of a truth or untruth trying to be revealed?
How have you responded to these intuitive clues?
How might you begin to listen more attentively to the subtle cues of truth?
Authentic Freedom Ministries