Posted in Ponderings

Soulmates – Is it Live or is it Memorex?

Today, I pose a question to my readers:  Is the idea of a soulmate real or simply a figment of our over-romanticized imaginations?  Inquiring minds want to know!

Dreams of a Soulmate

Several years ago during a guided visualization exercise I had an encounter with a male figure that in the visualization could only be described as “the love of my life.”  Since that visualization exercise, this “man” has haunted my dreams, shown up in my prayer and meditation.  Of course, the first impulse is to become attached to this phantom as some sort of soulmate that has not yet appeared in my life and to go out looking for this handsome prince who will be the answer to all my unmet needs.  Fortunately, I think I know better.  But what is the meaning behind this portent? What is a soulmate anyway and do soulmates even exist?  In this I admit complete and total ignorance and turn to you, the reader for your thoughts on this topic.  Just to get the discussion rolling….here are a few of my own thoughts:

Points to Ponder

Looking back on the years of dreams and the visualization that got this all started in the first place, a few thoughts come to mind.

  • Modern day psychology would invite me to look at the visualization/dream as a representation of the unhealed wounds within myself seeking to be healed, specifically, the parts of myself that need to be passionately and adoringly loved without condition.
  • Christian mysticism would suggest that the “man” in the dream is Christ calling me to be his “beloved.”  I am actually somewhat inclined to at least partially accept this idea, especially since the dude in the dream bore an uncanny resemblance to “Hot Jesus”  (see below!)
  • New-agists would tell me the vision was of my soulmate and to keep on looking.

Enlightenment Philosophies

Now, here is where I get hung up…and bear with me as I might ramble a bit.  Enlightenment Philosophies (to which I tend to subscribe, and a category under which Authentic Freedom falls) tell us that the only source of fulfillment is within.  As such, there would be no such thing as a relationship that provides the kind of fulfillment that we ascribe to the idea of a soulmate.  However, there is also something to the idea of our outer world reflecting our inner world.  AND we ARE relational beings.  I have observed that as I grow spiritually and emotionally and find a deeper place of inner contentment that my exterior relationships tend to more closely reflect the “new me” (actually, the original me!).  So, why wouldn’t our intentional, one-on-one intimate relationships afford us the same possibility?

Soulmate Hypothesis?

The invitation seems to be to start within – to do the work of healing our inner wounds, to work toward a deeper sense of inner contentment and fulfillment.  Then, I wonder, when we do this work, are we then creating the ground upon which mutually supportive and fulfilling external relationships may take root and grow and is it possible that we might connect with a uniquely intimate relationship that reflects the contentment we feel within?  I’m just wondering……

The Goal is No Goal and No Attachment to Outcome

Here is the rub……we cannot enter into the journey of enlightenment with the goal of meeting a soulmate or with an attachment that if we do the right work the soulmate will be our reward.  We enter into the journey simply for the purpose of the journey…..  I guess if the soulmate shows up, it is simply another thing for which we can be grateful!

Tell me your ideas about soulmate!  Lets get the discussion ball rolling!!!!

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries/yourspiritualtruth


I am a trained, professional Spiritual Director, Author and Hands-on Healer. I offer services, programs and classes that empower you to hear the voice of the Divine that speaks from within you. It is the voice of the Divine that leads us to our highest truth, to the discovery and cultivation of our gifts and to a life of Authentic Freedom where we know contentment, compassion and joy. Your truth will set you free!

4 thoughts on “Soulmates – Is it Live or is it Memorex?

  1. I personally do not believe in a soulmate, but I believe in very strong connections with people that are meant to guide us on our life’s journey. I have met several people that I would consider to be important in my soulwork–not only men, but women (like you, Lauri!). I think that ONE person in the world you connect with for life is a stretch. Maybe this man in your visualization is an important guide for you–one of the many on your journey.

  2. I think the answer of the Christian mystics, which you mention, has truth behind it – Your true soul-mate is accessible on the inward side of things – in the Holy Spirit (whether Son or Father I leave aside for now).

    After a marriage of over 30 years I can say that our physical life-mates cannot always bear the load of being our soul-mates in the perfect sense. There are just – well, difficulties in that kind of attunement sometimes. So it is much more healthy if we seek our soul-mate within rather than expecting our life-mate to be that for us. The path within also presents difficulties of attunement, but those difficulties are redeemed by the fact that the Spirit is willing and able and patient in the extreme.

    Meanwhile marriage is still a chance for kinds of redemption and self-revelation which are impossible to find outside of it.

  3. Wow – This is such an important notion to ponder, Lauri, that for the first time in my life, I am going to comment on a blog! 🙂

    I don’t know much about dreams, etc., so what follow are just some conclusions that that have evolved out of my particular version of life.

    My biggest conclusion (so far – I’m still a work in progress) is that it seems like we all try hardest to find that Soulmate (by whatever definition one uses) when we have most forgotten our Oneness with each other, which flows from our Oneness with the One Divine Energy.

    When I do my best to look at everyone and everything with the total acceptance and non-judgement which that sense of Oneness fosters, I find that I feel less of a need to categorize the people in my life (acquaintance, BFF, Soulmate, etc.). Then, I no longer need a particular Soulmate, because everyone feels to me like they already are one! We are all here (wherever here is), now (when/however now is) – and what are the chances of that? Infintesimal!!! So, grab a hand and celebrate! We are all meant to be here together, for each other!

    Seek the Soul in every piece of creation, and you have no shortage of Soulmates!

    I know that sound very idealistic, but there have been times of darkness in my life when I have felt so confused, betrayed, isolated and misunderstood that truly, my closest friend has been a blade of grass…its moisture… the sunlight…the vibration that shows up as green…its reach for growth…the realizing of its potential… the wonderment of who/what dreamed up these concepts?…Etc. That little blade of grass becomes my good friend and teacher, my Soulmate, lifting up my thoughts and reminding me that the creative energy of Love is both all around me and the truth about me.

    The desire for a Soulmate to be exclusive in some way is really something to wonder about. I guess that a in a Soulmate relationship, both are able to respect and accept each other’s evolution of thought and heart (that, at least, is what I have experienced). This sort of relationship can last for a moment or a lifetime – but what, really, is time? Cetainly not a good measure of something as profound as a Soulmate relationship! 🙂

    I think that “the Beloved” is that which you most cherish and seek in life. Is that hottie you dream of perhaps a symbol (personification) for your Beloved – what which you seek above all else? What would that be? Truth? So, perhaps that fellow in your dream is not the actual Soulmate, but your Beloved (the Truth), who is pointing you in the direction of your soulmate – someone who cherishes and seeks Truth (as they see it) with a similar degree of love, dedication and desire…

    Well, just a few thoughts….

    Thanks for the chance to be part of a conversation on this lovely and intrigueing topic!

  4. It seems to me that in all relationships there is a vibe we are in-attuned to and then a vibe we are not attuned to-our soul knows what we need at the time-I do think that we have various soul mates throughout our lives and that there is at least one person(and likley many) we are best matched to and suited to be with-in all manners-an ideal we feel drawn to without any explanation -we just are-you could in theory be married to or be in tune with almost anyone if you are in a high state of love and attunement rather than fear its’ opposite than irritations,incongruities,missteps roll of your back like water on a duck’s back-just like when you walk into a room a people-you can feel the room,when you walk into a house you can feel the house-but it may not be the place you want to dwell and inhabit-you walk out and go to that which you are drawn-in each of our minds eyes we have an ideal to which we are drawn-there may be soul mates and I also think as I am a very romantic ,idealized person -that we each have the love of our life but only when we are in tune with that love withn ourselves does it show up-it has to start with us-we are drawn to that which we seekand if it happens to be a hot Jesus or another version of what makes our heart sing then so be it-

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