I love when the universe presents situations that force us to take a really close look in the mirror and examine the areas in our lives that are in need of healing. Unfortunately, this exercise often amounts to what my dear friend Sarah has affectionately referred to as “a sound SPIRITUAL ASS-KICKING.” When these situations arise, I am inclined to cynically reply, “Thank you sir, may I have another?”
Over the course of this past weekend, a particularly challenging situation arose that awakened my inner anger. I found myself in a fit of rage and what I was raging about was the person I was sure to be the cause of the challenge. For awhile, it felt really good to have someone to blame for the situation. But then, over the course of the day, the Spiritual Director inside of me started whispering even more disturbing thoughts into my mind and I was forced to take a step back and take a good hard look in the mirror. Here is what I saw:
I suddenly saw my role in the challenging situation. I saw how I allowed my own voice to be silenced and my own needs to go unmet. I also saw how I gave away my own higher knowing on past decisions that eventually led to the challenge I faced this weekend. To quote Homer Simpson, all I could say was, “DOH,” as I was forced to own my personal responsibility in the situation. So what did I do? I chose the only human response, I curled up into a ball on the floor and began sucking my thumb as I licked my wounds of shame. I frequently find that indulging self-pity is the only way to initially deal with a sound spiritual ass kicking. Giving my inner victim a day to mourn allows me to now stand before the powers that be and boldly say, “THANK YOU SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?” I have seen the lesson that presented itself for me. I have recognized my responsibility in the situation and my own inner wounds that left me vulnerable. I also see that in the future, I can make different choices. I accept the lesson and welcome the healing and release that it has offered and trust that through this experience, I have grown.
I trust the Spirit isn’t done kicking my ass yet…..and I welcome the next stage of spiritual revelation and growth. Call me a masochist, but I have found that the only way to make it through this human experience is to just keep walking!
Authentic Freedom Ministries