After reading yesterday’s blog, my friend Cindy posted the following message on Facebook for me to read: “Congratulations, you are human.” I want to thank Cindy for that important reminder. As a recovering perfectionist, embracing my humanness has been a life-long journey.
Entering into this process of creating space in which Contemplative Community could emerge, I have held within my being an intention of egolessness. I want to do the best I can to get out of the way so that the Divine can simply work through me, unencumbered by my fears, false perceptions and ego-attachments. While this is a noble intention, Cindy’s words remind me of the danger of the intention itself becoming an egoic quest. Who am I to believe that I can be completely free of ego? Am I not still wounded, fearful and attached? You bet! So rather than being attached to the unattainable goal of egolessness…I am invited to enter into this great human paradox…..intending to be free of ego while humbly accepting my humanness.
Now here is the funny part….reading my original intention to be free of ego so that the Divine can work through me unencumbered….I am confronted by more ego. Do I really believe I have the power to free myself of ego? Do I really believe that my little fears and attachments can hinder the work of God? DUH! The Divine is infinitely vast enough to work not only through but WITH my petter fears and false perceptions. And….I am reminded that it is only in surrendering my own “power” to God that I can even begin to be freed of that which might stand in the way of my ability to do the work God has intended. So, there you go……my perfectionist is duly reminded that she is loved beyond all measure and that she is perfect just as she is in this moment…..always has been, always will be. And as the archetypal image of perfectionism – Mary Poppins has said, “I am practically perfect in every way!”
And to my friend, Cindy, that you for reminding me of my place in the human race!