The past two years have been a whirlwind of activities targeted toward promoting and growing my business. Stepping out of my introverted comfort zone, I joined networking groups, cold-called people for networking activities and made myself available to the community. All of these efforts seemed to be assisting in the growth of my business when SLAM, I suddenly saw my income plummet by nearly 60%. I was shocked, disappointed, frustrated and most of all, flat out EXHAUSTED! I felt like I had worked my butt off and for what? Seemingly nothing!
At first, this sudden downturn and resulting frustration put me into a spiritual temper tantrum. “God, is this what I get for working my butt off for you? Is this really what you want me to do with my life? Isn’t this why I spent 7 years in post-graduate classes in theology and spirituality? Now what am I supposed to do – go get a job at Walmart?” I was angry, impatient and I wanted God to give me an answer TODAY!
After a month of spiritual temper tantrums, I finally decided,”Maybe I should bring this into prayer.” DUH! So, I humbly brought this issue to my meditation and the quick answer was this, “What if you stopped working so hard in proactive efforts toward the growth of your business and simply opened to receive?” The Westernly conditioned business woman though, “Are you nuts?” While the introvert within me, my truer self, heaved a sigh of relief. At this moment, an overwhelming sense of peace came over me. Of course I was exhausted, I had forgotten to trust God and had worked in opposition with my truer, introverted nature. All this networking and efforts toward “selling” my business had depleted me.
At this moment, I decided maybe it was a good time to take some time off from all this outward activity and gather a space of quiet around myself to be open to hearing and seeing the path that is truly in my higher good – not the path Western culture tells me I should be traveling. Hence the sabbatical that I have been enjoying since the weekend of Thanksgiving. This sabbatical has given me an opportunity to be more open to God’s direction in my life, to read and meditate on sacred texts, to edit my book, to celebrate the holidays with my family and most importantly, to find a newfound sense of focus in my life.
This newfound focus has re-affirmed the foundation upon which my professional and ministerial work is to be built. All efforts are directed toward one purpose – to provide resources through which individuals may remember their magnificence as beings of joy, peace and love, centered upon the model set forth by Jesus of Nazareth and lived out through his disciples, Mary, the Magdalene, in particular. The model presented to me encompassed three areas: Healing, Spiritual Formation, Contemplation. Healing – to be facilitated through Spiritual Direction and Reiki. Spiritual Formation made real through the Authentic Freedom curriculum I have developed and Contemplation by providing space in which Contemplative Community may emerge. It is the evolution of the Contemplative Community that is the focus and intention of this Blog.
In the next several months, you are invited to witness to a remarkable experiment – holding of space in which Contemplative Community may be able to emerge. Facing the “failure” of my past experiments, I am humbly aware that this may be just another one of my crazy ideas….on the other hand, I feel that each of those previous “failures” have provided the foundation and the learning opportunities through which this could finally take place – free of the attachments that previously have stood in my way. So….I have no idea where this may lead…..and I have no idea the outcome. All I know is that I feel called to boldly leap into the chasm of the unknown and hope like hell the invisible bridge is there on which my (our) feet can firmly trod. Thank you for joining us on this journey!